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You Have 0 Friends/Script

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Cast

  • Stan Marsh
  • Kyle Broflovski
  • Eric Cartman
  • Kenny McCormick
  • Butters Stotch
  • Wendy Testaburger
  • Randy Marsh
  • Mr. Garrison
  • Boy
  • Computer Voice
  • Dude
  • Gary Johnson
  • Grandma Marsh
  • Guard
  • Kevin Donahue
  • Kip and his parents
  • Man 1
  • Man 2
  • Various Profiles, including one for Tom Davis
  • Referee
  • Susan92

Script

You Have 0 Friends
'[Kyle's room, day. Kyle is at his computer. Kenny's on his laptop on Kyle's bed while Cartman is on the Internet on his phone.]'
Cartman:
I've got more friends than Ky-yle! I've got more friends than Ky-yle!
Kyle:
How the hell do you have more friends than me?
Cartman:
'Cause people think I'm cool, dude.
Kyle:
How many friends do you have, Kenny?
Kenny:
(Sixty two)
Kyle:
What? How the hell do I only have 37 friends?
Stan:
[walks in] Aww, are you guys doing that stupid Facebook stuff again?
Cartman:
[retorts] Stupid Facebok stuff.
Stan:
Why are you guys in here wasting your time? We're supposed to be outside playing video games.
Kyle:
Stan, you don't get how cool Facebook has become. You can message your friends, play Yahtzee with your friends, even start your own virtual farm and have your friends visit it.
Stan:
Dude, who the hell wants to play Yahtzee?
Cartman:
Stan, we know it's hard to get started, but we have a little surprise for you.
Kyle:
Yeah dude, we made you your own Facebook page. [smiles]
Cartman:
Surprise! [smiles]
Stan:
Noo, I told you guys I don't wanna be on Facebook!
Kyle:
Yeah, but now you can be friends with all of us!
Kenny:
(Yeah!)
Stan:
I'm not collecting friends and I'm not building any farms! I don't wanna get sucked into this!
Cartman:
Alright, fine dude, you don't have to add any friends. You can just be like Kip Drordy
Stan:
Who?
Cartman:
Kip Drordy, the third grader? He's got nooo Facebook friends. [begins to gloat] And he's had a profile for more than six months.
Kyle:
Aww gee, that's... so sad. Everyone should have one Facebook friend.
Stan:
You guys are retarded I'm playing Xbox. [turns around and walks out.]
Kyle:
There's really people out there without a Facebook friend in the world? That's so wrong.
'[Kip Drordy's room, day. Kip sits there on his stool, a lonely figure with a misshapen head, looking at his monitor, hoping for a friend to finally appear on his Facebook page. "You have 0 friends." He looks away from the monitor and sighs, wiping a tear from his nose. A small pop-up window appears. Kip looks at it, then startles himself. He gets to his keyboard and reads the window: "Kyle Broflovski has added you as a friend." He rubs his eyes in disbelief and looks again. "Confirm Kyle as your friend?" He moves the cursor down to the "Confirm" button and clicks on it. Now his page reads "You have 1 friends."]'
Kip:
[getting excited] Ahhhhh. [gets off his stool and runs around the room] Haaa! Haaaaaaaaaa! Yeah! [opens the door, runs out of his room and down the stairs and into the kitchen]
End of You Have 0 Friends


  1404: "You Have 0 Friends" edit
Story Elements

ChatRoulette • FacebookKip DrordyMad Friends with Eric Cartman • Yahtzee • Isayah Zordon

Media

ImagesScriptWatch Episode

Release

South Park: The Complete Fourteenth Season

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