South Park Archives

What Would Brian Boitano Do?

3,538pages on
this wiki
Add New Page
Comments0 Share

"What Would Brian Boitano Do?" is a song from South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut.

A faster rock version of "What Would Brian Boitano Do? Pt. II" is performed by the band DVDA during the end credits of the film.

The song references a line from The Spirit of Christmas, in which the boys wonder what Brian Boitano would do to stop Jesus and Santa Claus from fighting. This clip was also used in the DVDA music video.


  • The song's Les Misérables counterpart is "Do You Hear the People Sing?".
  • Brian Boitano was seen before in "Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride", and even earlier in The Spirit of Christmas: Jesus vs. Santa.
  • Brian Boitano himself later skated to an altered version of the song and adapted the song's title as the title of a cookery show titled What Would Brian Boitano Cook?.
  • The speaking interlude with Brian Dennehy is a reference to The Spirit of Christmas - Jesus vs. Santa. In the original short, after Stan asks, "What would Brian Boitano do?", Brian Boitano appears and asks, "Did someone say my name?" He then gives the boys some advice, then says "Bye-e!" just like Dennehy before leaving.


What would Brian Boitano do
If he was here right now,
He'd make a plan
And he'd follow through,
That's what Brian Boitano'd do.

When Brian Boitano was in the Olympics,
Skating for the gold,
He did two salchows and a triple lutz
While wearing a blind fold.

When Brian Boitano was in the alps,
Fighting grizzly bears,
He used his magical fire breath,
And saved the maidens fair.

Stan and Kyle:
So what would Brian Boitano do
If he were here today?
I'm sure he'd kick an ass or two,
That's what Brian Boitano'd do.

I want this V-Chip out of me,
It has stunted my vocabulary.

And I just want my mom
To stop fighting everyone

For Wendy I'll be an activist too,
'Cause that's what Brian Boitano'd do.

And what would Brian Boitano do?
He'd call all the kids in town,
And tell them to unite for true
That's what Brian Boitano'd do.

Brian Dennehy:
Someone say my name?

Who are you?

I'm Brian Dennehy!

What? No, Not fuckin' Brian Dennehy!

Yeah, get the fuck outta here!

Oh. Bye!

Stan and Kyle:
When Brian Boitano traveled through time
To the year 3010,
He fought the evil robot king
and saved the human race again

And when Brian Boitano built the pyramids,
He beat up Kublai Khan!

Stan and Kyle:
'Cause Brian Boitano doesn't take shit...

...from anybody!
So let's all get together,
And unite to stop our moms
And we'll save Terrance and Phillip too,
'Cause that's what Brian Boitano'd do!
And we'll save Terrance and Phillip too,
'Cause that's what Brian Boitano'd do!
'Cause that's what Brian Boitano'd do!

Ad blocker interference detected!

Wikia is a free-to-use site that makes money from advertising. We have a modified experience for viewers using ad blockers

Wikia is not accessible if you’ve made further modifications. Remove the custom ad blocker rule(s) and the page will load as expected.