Hey wait, you're birthday is September 11th? Dude, that's the same birthday as that gay-wad, Moby! That sucks for you. Speaking of which, that's a celebrity who seriously needs to be at least briefly made fun of, even if he's not quite as relevant as he was in 1999. But dude, he's a guy that says that he isn't gay but he wishes he was. That's pretty funny.
Back on topic: what will you do to make our special little Scotch feel special today?