FANDOM



Leftarrow "Safe Space/Script" "Tweek x Craig/Script" "Naughty Ninjas/Script" Rightarrow

Cast

  • Stan Marsh
  • Randy Marsh
  • Kyle Broflovski
  • Eric Cartman
  • Cupid Me
  • Butters Stotch
  • Craig Tucker
  • Tweek Tweak
  • PC Principal
  • Asian Student Girls
  • Wendy Testaburger
  • Thomas Tucker
  • Mrs. Tucker
  • Richard Tweak and Mrs. Tweak
  • Leslie
  • Davíd Teelez
  • Jimmy Valmer
  • Gerald Broflovski
  • Liane Cartman
  • Sharon Marsh
  • Stephen Stotch
  • Skeeter
  • Ruffians Bartender
  • Delivery Man
  • Japanese singer
  • Xi Jinping

Script

Tweek x Craig
South Park Elementary Gym, day. PC Principal is once again addressing the students in the gym.
PC Principal
Alright everyone, listen up. [Wendy reads through some cue cards at the podium] Today we're going to be showing you some art from our Asian-American students-DAMMIT LESLIE, SHUT YOUR FUCKING PIE-HOLE! [Leslie is shown, but she's confused, as she's not talking to anyone.] from our Asian-American students presented by our student-body president, Wendy Testaburger.
Wendy
Hey guys. As you know, we have several new students here at South Park Elementary. We have been getting to know some of the Asian girls who have introduced us to an art style called "yaoi." [A picture on a slideshow showing the English and Japanese spellings of the word, and Oriental music plays.] Yaoi is a blend of emotion and beauty involving two people whose love is looked down upon. The art tries to show that all love is magical, like in Lisa Akimoto's piece, "Tweek and Craig - Forbidden Love." [Tweek and Craig in a French kiss.]
Girls
Awwww.
Tweek
What?
Wendy
Kelly Zhou goes a bit more whimsical with "Craig and Tweek: Moonlight Dance." [Tweek wears a pink bow in his hair and is wrapped in a pink ribbon while Craig stands behind him looking down at his face.]
Girls
Awwww.
Craig
Dude, what the fuck?
Wendy
In yaoi art, the seme, or top, is usually dominating the uke, or bottom, as demonstrated in Heather Nishimura's "Boizu Rabu." [Craig reaching down into Tweek's briefs as Tweek reaches up to stroke Craig's head]
Girls
Awwww. [Stan and Kyle look at each other]
Wendy
But yaoi can branch out to other things as well.
Cartman
Uh oh.
Wendy
As we see here in "Lily, Frog, Tweek and Craig." [Tweek is on his back with Craig on top of him pinning him down while looking into his eyes.]
The hallway, after the assembly. Shown are David, Token, Stan, Butters, still in his head brace, Kyle, Kenny, and Jimmy.
Stan
I just don't get it. I mean, Tweek and Craig aren't gay. Right?
Kyle
[questioning, seeking confirmation] No. We would know.
Butters
Well, but then why would Asian girls draw them like that?
Jimmy
Yeah, what is this yaoi thing all about? I am so c-c-c-confused.
Stan
And if it can happen to Tweek and Craig... could it happen to any of us?
The school lobby. Eight Asian girls sit on the steps drawing. Craig sees them and approaches them
Craig
Uhh, excuse me, why are you doing this?? [holds up a picture of himself pushing Tweek on a swing, and Tweek enjoying it]
Girl 1
"Oh, hi, Craig. 오늘 다른 셔츠 입었네. (He's wearing a different shirt today.) [looks at the girl on her right and addresses her] 잠바 밑에 어떻게 알아? (how do you know what's underneath his jacket?) [The girl replies.]
Craig
What? Well what did she say?
Girl 3
I don't know, that was Korean. I'm Japanese.
Tweek
[Over caffeinated] What is going on, huh? Huh? Me and him aren't together. Why is this happening?!
Girl 1
[girl 1 addresses the girl to her left] 지금 크렉이 같이 있어줘야 하는데". [(Craig should be along with Tweek.)]
Tweek
Everyone thinks I'm gay! What if my parents find out! Huh!
PC Principal's Office. Craig and Tweek are seated across from PC Principal and Mr. Mackey
PC Principal
Alright guys, I know there have been a lot of rumors flyin' around. Just wanted to check in, see if you have any questions for me.
Craig
Why are the Asian girls drawing pictures of us being gay?
PC Principal
What's wrong with being gay? Nothin' wrong with that.
Craig
But we aren't! I'm not!
Tweek
I'm not either!
PC Principal
That is completely irrelevant! Okay? What matters, and the reason I brought you in here, is that you understand affirmative consent.
Tweek
What's that?
PC Principal
IF there is a romantic relationship here, you have to make sure your partner is comfortable with any sexual exploration.
Tweek
Gah!
PC Principal
Now, in a gay relationship it gets a little trickier, but you still have to follow some guidelines, alright?
Craig
But I'm not gay!
PC Principal
I don't care about that, bro! Tweek, if, and I'm only saying if, at some point you wanted to touch Craig's penis, you can't just go grabbin' for it. Alright? You need to say something like "Craig, is it alright with you if I touch your penis?" Okay? Let's try it out.
Tweek
NO!
PC Principal
You want two weeks' detention instead?! This shit's important!
Tweek
Craig, can I touch your penis?
PC Principal
Okay, good. Now Craig, you might say "You may touch my penis. I'm comfortable with that." [Craig isn't happy with that line and waits for more] Or of course, you could say "No, you may not touch my penis at this time."
Craig
No you may not!
PC Principal
Okay. Now we're getting somewhere. Now Craig, what would you say if you wanted to take a gander at Tweek's asshole?
The Marsh house. Randy looks inside the fridge for something to drink. He gets a bottle of gluten-free PBR. Sharon walks up to him
Sharon
Randy, you should have a talk with Stan.
Randy
For what?
Sharon
I guess something happened at school today involving two of Stan's friends,.. being gay?
Randy
What?
Sharon
Yeah. Stan seems really perplexed.
Randy
Wow. Our town has only had a Whole Foods for three weeks and we already have our first gay kids. So cool. [smiles to himself]
Sharon
Go talk to him, Randy, and be delicate.
Stan's room, afternoon. Randy knocks on the open door softly, then walks in.
Randy
Hey bud. How's it hangin'? [sits on the bed next to Stan]
Stan
I'm confused, Dad. There was this thing at school.
Randy
Well, guess what? You've got a really progressive PC dad who knows all about this stuff, okay? Go ahead, ask me anything.
Stan
I just don't understand how it's decided.
Randy
Ah, well, you see, it's a combination of genetic, hormonal, and environmental influences.
Stan
No, I mean like, what makes the Asians decide who they're gonna make gay?
Randy
[confused] The Asians? The Asians decide who's going to be gay? [feigns knowing, playing it off] Uh are y-, yeah, yeah they do. Uh, the Asians just, you know, the Asians pick who they pick, and um, it's al- it's, the way it's always been.
Stan
So you've heard of yaoi?
Randy
[embarrassed, playing it off] Yeah, of course. Yaoi, anal intercourse, Maui Zaui, I, I know all this stuff, Stan.
Shi Tpa Town, day, Whole Foods. Gerald and Sheila run into Thomas Tucker in the store.
Gerald
Oh hey, Thomas! Hey, we heard about Craig. We think it's just terrific.
Thomas
[turns around] What about Craig? [Stephen Stotch comes up behind him]
Stephen
Thomas! I'm so glad that Craig is finally happy. [aloud to the other shoppers] Hey, it's Craig's dad, everybody. [shoppers around the store clap]
The Tweek house. Tweek and his parents are having dinner. Tweek is twitching quite a bit and Richard notices
Richard
Tweek's out of coffee, honey.
Mrs. Tweek
Oh, here you go, kiddo. [fills Tweek's cup]
Richard
Tweek, is there anything you want to talk to us about?
Tweek
No.
Richard
[slowly] Well, we heard that you're gay. And I want you to know we've never been so proud of you.
Tweek
Oh God. [lets his head hit the table, smashing into all of his food]
Richard
We thought you were just a spaz, but to know that you've got so much going on inside.
Mom
We're so proud of you, Tweek.
Tweek
AAaaagh!
Richard
Knowing what I know now, I'm gonna be a much better dad to you. In fact, I just, I just want to give you some money, Tweek. [pulls out his wallet and then some bills] Can I give you some money? [Tweek looks up with mashed potatoes covering parts of his face] Here, I I love you so much, son. [hands Tweek the bills]
"The Book of Love" begins to play, and here's the montage: Tweek stares at the ceiling while in bed. So does Craig. Neither of them can sleep. Nor can Stan, and he rolls from one side to the other. Next day, one of the Asian girls is drawing. Next night, Thomas can't sleep. Following day Craig walks along and sees Tweek, who is looking at a wall. They look at each other, then at the wall, which turns out to be on one side of the school. On the wall is a large mural of Craig and Tweek in embrace. They turn around, then walk their separate ways. Next is an outdoor art fair at the Whole Foods parking lot with art from the Asian girls at school. All of it is of Craig and Tweek in various poses. The Broflovski's and Marshes are enjoying it. The Stotch's buy a print. Mayor McDaniel's leafs through a bunch of Tweek x Craig pictures she has in a folder, then she looks at a picture of a man with a mustache. She smiles at it. Next is more fan art of Craig and Tweek, and finally we get to Cartman in bed
Cartman
[thinking] Dude, Tweek and Craig. It's just so weird. If they've been gay this whole time, have they been checking me out? I'm pretty sure Craig has seen my wiener. Should I kick his ass?
Cupid Me
[flits in out of nowhere] Aw come on. What's wrong with two guys liking each other?
Cartman
I just don't understand it, Cupid Me. Wanting to like, kiss a dude?
Cupid Me
But if love is love, then it takes form in all shapes and sizes. Teehee.
Cartman
I guess, just because I don't understand it doesn't mean I shouldn't support it. Alright. Maybe you can help them along.
Cupid Me
Really? Can I?
Cartman
Yes, Cupid Me. Make it quick, and don't let anyone see you.
Cupid Me
Oh thank you! I won't! [floats out and away, giggling all the while.]
Craig's room. Craig is sound asleep, wearing his cap. Cupid Me flits in
Cupid Me
You just need a little spark of magic. [shoots an arrow into Craig's head.] And now I'm gonna pee in your mouth. [does so and giggles] Love is in the air. [squeezes a last bit of pee out]
Cartman's bathroom. Cartman is on the toilet doing something on his phone. Cupid Me returns.
Cartman
Did you do it, Cupid-Me?
Cupid Me
I hit him with my love arrow, and then I peed in his mouth just for fun.
Cartman
[laughs] That's awesome! [chuckles as Cupid-Me flits to his left side] That's so sweet.
Cupid Me
I thought you might like that.
Cartman
Yeah, dude. You're hilarious.
Cupid Me
And do you think I'm cute, too? 'Cause I think you're kind of cute.
Cartman
[his smile vanishes] Stop that, Cupid Me. I told you I'm not homosexual, okay? It's not funny.
Cupid Me
Oh well, at least Tweek and Craig are in love now. [flits away]
Cartman
Yep. School tomorrow should be really interesting.
South Park Elementary, day, hallway. Stan is talking to Kyle, who is switching out books in his locker.
Stan
And so my dad talked to me about it.
Kyle
Yeah?
Stan
And my dad said that Asians have always done this, and they, like, do make people gay.
Cartman
[runs up to them] You guys! You guys, hurry!
Kyle
What?
Cartman
It's, It's Tweek and Craig, dude! They're about to have sex! [runs off. Stan and Kyle follow.]
At the intersection of two hallways, a crowd has gathered around Tweek and Craig.
Craig
Got a fuckin' problem man?! [pushes Tweek back]
Tweek
You're the one with the fuckin' problem! [pushes Craig back]
Craig
I told you to stay a hundred yards from me!
Tweek
You'd better not fuckin' push me again, man!
Cartman
Oh-ho come on, you guys. Get a room. [Craig and Tweek start fighting. Soon Cartman grabs onto Kevin for support]
PC Principal's office, day. He's got the phone receiver in one hand, a hand grip in the other
PC Principal
Hello Mr. Tucker. I need to inform you that your son was in an altercation at school today.
Thomas
[at his office.] Craig? Craig got in a fight? [grins]
PC Principal
Yes, with his boyfriend. Just a lovers' quarrel, probably. [Craig and Tweek are seated opposite]
Craig
Goddammit!
PC Principal
Something to be expected in relationships. Apparently there were no affirmative consent issues, as your son knows the right way to play with another boy's penis.
Thomas
Oh God...! [facepalm]
PC Principal
There's not gonna be any disciplinary action since they are gay. We wanna be supportive, so we're just gonna send them on home with some money, alright? Alright, you have a nice day.
Thomas
Money?
The Forbidden City, China, day. A woman walks into an office and addresses someone in there. The camera pans left to show the president of the People's Republic of China, Xi Jinping. Apparently, it's a call for him, and he answers his phone
Xi Jinping
Wei? Ni hao [(Hello? Who is there?)]
Randy
[on the other end, in his study] Uh, hi, Mr. Jinping. Thanks for taking my call, I was... just wondering if you could shed some light on how your people decide who will be gay and who will be straight.
Xi Jinping
What?
Randy
[sighs] I'm sorry, I-I don't speak Asian, but... um, oh uh, oh, y-yao, yaoi. Yaoi, yes? Boizu rabu. Huh, how does that work?
Xi Jinping
That-a come from-a Japan.
Randy
Oh, it's Japan that decides? [Stan walks into the study.] How the hell do they actually make people geh-? [notices Stan] Aaaa-a-ah, Japan. Of course, is who does the yaoi to make people gay.
Xi Jinping
They are dogs! [pounds his desk with his left fist] who refused, and not apologized, to the Chinese republic!
Randy
Uh huh, yes, that of course I do already know about homosexuality.
Cartman's house, day. Cartman is browsing the Web on his phone. The doorbell rings and Liane goes to the front door to answer it
Delivery Man
Hi, flower delivery for Eric Cartman? [Cartman hears this and looks over]
Liane
Oh my, how beautiful. [signs for the flowers and takes them to Cartman] Oh look sweetie, someone sent you flowers.
Cartman
[sets his phone down, takes the bouquet, and reads the attached note.] "Can't we just try? Tee Hee." Oh man.
Liane
Who are they from, hon?
Cartman
Someone who needs a real talking to.
At the buffet restaurant. Cartman and Cupid Me are in a booth
Cartman
Look, it's flattering, okay? But it doesn't change the fact that there's nothing here for you to keep pursuing.
Cupid Me
Teeheehee. Aw, come on, let's be like Tweek and Craig. Everyone thinks they're kewl.
Cartman
You are wasting your time. I'm not attracted to guys.
Cupid Me
But I'm so attracted to you.
Cartman
I realize that, but I'm sorry. I need you to stop bothering me. [the smile leaves Cupid Me's face. Cartman's voice gets quieter] This... is done. I'm just not a homosexual. [dejected, Cupid Me goes limp in mid-air.]
The Tweek house, day. The doorbell rings and Richard goes to answer it. Craig is just outside.
Richard
Well, hello Craig. Honey, it's Craig.
Mom
Awww, hi Craig.
Craig
Is Tweek home?
Richard
He sure is. Come on in. [holds the door open for Craig. From his house, Randy gives Richard a thumbs up. Richard returns the gesture and closes the door, then joins Mrs. Tweek and Craig in the middle of the living room] Would you like to have some coffee, Craig?
Craig
No thank you, I just want to see Tweek.
Mom
Awww.
Richard
Tweek's just up in his room playing. You can go on up. [Craig starts going upstairs] Oh, uh, but keep the door open, alright? [Craig gets mad at the insinuation. Richard says to his wife] They're so gay.
Tweek's room, moments later. Tweek is trying to put some Lego's together, but it's frustrating for him. He drinks more coffee. Craig enters the room.
Craig
Hey dude. [this makes Tweek spit out his coffee, and he gets off his chair]
Tweek
No, no! What are you doing here? [keeps his distance]
Craig
Tweek, calm down. We have to put a stop to this.
Tweek
There's no stopping it! The whole world wants me to be something I'm not!
Craig
Me too, dude! But there's something we can do.
Tweek
What??
Craig
We have to come out and say we're gay.
Tweek
What?! Are you insane?! The way everyone-!
Craig
Wait. Wait! Because if we're gay, we can break up. And if we break up, no more pictures! We just have to stage a fake breakup in front of the Asian girls.
Tweek
Like acting? No man, that is way too much pressure! I'll fail-
Craig
You can do it, Tweek! You're capable of more than you think.
Tweek
Agh. I'm a terrible actor.
Craig
You just follow my lead, and try and make it believable, okay?
Tweek
Oh gah-okay. Oh God!
Skeeter's Wine Bar, day. Thomas Tucker is at the bar with Skeeter and Darryl Weathers.
Thomas
What did I do wrong, huh? Everyone's so damned happy, but... but why did this have to happen to my son?! What did I do to make my son like this?
Randy
Hey, hey, whoa, you didn't do anything.
Thomas
Oh what? You know about this?
Randy
Yeah, let me handle this guys, I'm PC. Look Thomas, you need to understand that being gay isn't a decision. You know, a lot of people think that Asians decide who's gay and who's not. But it isn't all Asians, it's just specifically the Japanese, okay?
Thomas
What?
Randy
[turns around] Why do the Japanese make some people gay and others not? [turns around again] Well, it all goes back to World War II, and atrocities that happened in China called the Rape of Don King.
Skeeter
Hey, you sure know a lot about this.
Randy
Yes I do.
The school hallway, at that moment. The same seven boys are gathered there again
Kyle
No dude, I looked it up. Yaoi is just an art style for girls by girls because they like fictionalizing two guys in a relationship.
Stan
But why?
Kyle
I don't know. But the point is, there's nothing about it that means Tweek and Craig are actually gay, at all.
The school lobby, later. The Asian girls are back on the steps, and three of them are smiling. Tweek walks past them and stops when he hears someone calling him
Craig
Hey Tweek! Hold up. Listen, it's just not going to work. [the smiles vanish]
Tweek
What? Why not? [Stan, Kyle, Kenny, Davíd, and Butters arrive]
Craig
I'm sorry Tweek, but we can't lie to ourselves anymore. [turns to face the gathering crowd of kids] Yes, we are gay, but we do not belong together.
Tweek
We don't belong together? What suddenly changed, Craig?
Craig
It's just that people are different. That's all.
Tweek
Uh huh. And who the hell is Michael?! Huh?! You wanna tell me that?! [jaws begin to drop]
Craig
What? What are you, what are you talking about?
Tweek
I went through your phone when we went out last night, Craig! I saw your texts to Michael about hooking up with him!
Craig
Wait, uh, that's, that's not what happened.
Tweek
Oh, it's not?
Craig
No. [tries to get Tweek back on track] Uh look, we both know this is for the better.
Tweek
Oh, don't use that lame shit on me, man! You don't wanna feel bad, so you try and tell me what I want?
Craig
Wait, don't make me out to be the bad guy here.
Tweek
[tears up, voice cracks] Noho, you're not the bad guy! You're never the bad guy, are you?! You, you just step on people and you use them!
Craig
[tries again] You're going too far, dude. This is like, totally not necessary.
Tweek
Agh-I'm going too far?! What is wrong with you?
Craig
This wasn't part of the plan!
Tweek
Well guess what, Craig! Love doesn't follow a plan!
Butters
Yeah!
Tweek
[tears fill his eyes] I was totally wrong about you. I opened myself up and let you in. But you've got spikes, man. You've got spikes. [walks away. Before he goes off screen, he breaks out in a big grin.]
Wendy
[steps forward to Tweek's spot] Tweek. [glares at Craig, then follows Tweek concerned. Craig looks at the other kids, who glare at him and walk away. The Asian girls even leave their drawing tools behind]
Craig
Dude, seriously? Seriously?
"Say Something" begins to play. A rainy-day montage begins. First, the Tucker house. Mrs. Tucker is on the phone.
Mrs. Tucker
They... they broke up? [Thomas turns around and smiles at the news. He notices Craig walking up to the front door, head down, and lets him in. He notices Craig's mood and his smile disappears.]
The montage continues. The mural on the side of the school begins to smear. An Asian girl cries as she draws something new - Tweek and Craig with their backs to each other, with some distance between them. Tweek walks through the hallway grinning at first, but his smile vanishes when he notices how sad the other kids look. The outdoor art fair is still open on a rainy day. Most of the art now has an angry Craig and a dejected Tweek on it. One piece has Craig talking to a new boy while Tweek looks in from outside, and another has Craig pushing pins into a Tweek plush as if it were a voodoo doll. Next, Cupid Me looks in from outside as Cartman is asleep in bed. Cupid Me flits away. Gerald and Sheila replace a happy Craig x Tweek painting with a breakup one. Stan is shown sad on his bed, while Sharon is shown sad in the kitchen. Randy appears at the doorway and opens his mouth to say something, but decides against it and walks away. Mayor McDaniels is at her husband's grave. Richard Tweek is crying at the dining room table and his wife tries to console him. Tweek picks in from the kitchen
Ruffians Gay Bar, day. Some men are playing pool, two others chat next to the jukebox. Cartman walks in, scans the room, and walks up to the bar
Cartman
What are you doing? This place isn't you. [Cupid Me is shown, with a mug of beer an empty scotch glass, and an ashtray full of cigarette butts.]
Cupid Me
I'm just here to pick up on guys. Why? are you jealous?
Cartman
No I'm not. I'm here because we need you right now.
Cupid Me
Oh, now you need me, huh? Fuck you, dude.
Cartman
Fuck you.
Man 1
What is that kid doing here?
Man 2
He's just kind of talking to himself.
Cartman
The whole town is sad. Cupid Me, you have to help.
Cupid Me
Well, I guess I could try now, in return for just... one date?
Cartman
[hushed shouting] I'm not homosexual!
Cupid Me
Then I guess I'm not interested.
Cartman
Ugh. Alright, one date. But only if you help get Tweek and Craig back together.
Cupid Me
Teeheehee! Teeheeheeheehee!
Bartender
Hey kid, what do you think you're doing here?
Cartman
Oh, hey, whoa, whoa-whoa-whoa. I'm not here for me, I'm here for my friend, okay? [the bartender doesn't see any friend with him]
The Tucker house, day. The doorbell rings and Thomas arrives to answer it. Tweek is just outside
Tweek
Hi, is Craig here, sir?
Thomas
Why can't you quit him? [begins to close the door-]
Mrs. Tucker
Thomas!
Thomas
[lets Tweek in] Five minutes. He's in the back. [Tweek goes on in and goes out the sliding door in back. Craig is working on his bicycle.]
Tweek
Hey dude.
Craig
What do you want?
Tweek
I thought when we broke up everything would get better. I was thinking maybe, we should say we're back together.
Craig
Dude, I'm not gay and neither are you!
Tweek
What does that have to do with anything?
Craig
You think you can just pull that shit you pulled at school, saying I step on people and use them?! And I'll just take you back?
Tweek
You said to make it seem real.
Craig
Not that real! Now everyone thinks I'm a manipulative cheater! I'll never get any chicks!
Tweek
I'm so sorry, Craig. You, you made me believe in myself in a way I never have before. I didn't think I had any of that in me, but... you were right. I can do more than I think. You... changed something in me and I just... I wanna fix whatever's hurting you now. [Thomas, who's been looking out the window, begins to cry]
Craig
I can't be something because everyone wants me to be. I have to be myself. You'll just have to go be gay with someone else.
Tweek
Alright Craig. Alright. [turns left and walks away]
The Tucker House
Thomas
I can see how much they're both hurting, but... Can't you understand that in my time we just didn't accept this? [rests his head on his left hand] Maybe it's not so wrong, I, I just don't want it to be my son. [Cupid Me flits in and giggles]
Cupid Me
You just need a little prick of magic. [shoots an arrow into Thomas' head] And I'll pee in your mouth a little bit. [follows through]
Thomas
Then again, he's my son no matter what. I can't just shut down on him.
Cupid Me
Teeheeheehee, teeheeheehee. [flits away. Moments later, Thomas shows up at Craig's bedroom door. Craig is on his bed, sad]
Thomas
[enters] Son, you need to listen to me. [sits down on the bed] You can't fight being gay. I used to think that being gay was a choice, but, you don't get to decide. Japan picks who they pick, and that's that. I don't understand this stuff. Heck, I didn't even know Don King got raped, but... I do know that if you try and resist it, you make yourself miserable your whole life. Everyone was so proud of you, Ah I was just being selfish. I wanna be proud of you too. I like gay Craig. I love you. Here's a hundred dollars. [puts the bill in Craig's hand and walks out the door]
Japanese singer

Maybe we should go away.Put cares aside for just a day.

Gerald and Sheila meet in front of a painting of Tweek and Craig, and hold hands
Japanese singer

The world we face is a-not so big.
Not if we are strong like Tweek and Craig.
Honto ni sekanda ga oichii

Randy brings a bouquet of flowers to Sharon in the kitchen. Craig and Tweek play a video game
Japanese singer

Let's go back to when it was new.
Weren't we such happy peopleru?
Life was simple, problems vague. [several adults look through a window at Craig and Tweek as they play]
We had it all, a lot like Tweek and Craig. [Mayor McDaniels looks at the picture of her deceased husband, then holds it against her chest.]

At school, heads turn as Craig and Tweek walk through the hallways hand in hand. Next, in Akihabara, Japan, the singer is shown in a karaoke restaurant, singing the lyrics on a video featuring live action of Tweek and Craig
Japanese singer
And in the darkness we all seek

A perfect love like Craig and Tweek. We must fight or love's a goner. We must hold Tweek and Craig with the Highest honor! [Thomas suddenly walks up] Gambaro Irashai! I hope you know when you are down [Xi Jinping, at his desk, suddenly gets up and kisses his secretary] That you turned my life around. [Butters is Skyping with Charlotte] Just like the quote from Shakespeare said I'm your Tweek, [slowing] and you're my Craig.

Cartman
[in bed, moaning in a rhythmic fashion] Okay, okay, the date's almost over.
Cupid Me
[pops up behind Cartman] Teeheehee. Aren't you liking your massage?
Cartman
It's fine. It just doesn't really do anything for me.
Cupid Me
Well, I've got something you might like a little better. [goes back behind Cartman... and under...]
Cartman
Cu- Cupid Me, no! No, I'm straight!
Cupid Me
Teeheeheehee!
Cartman
Cupid Me, what are you doing?! Oh my God! [next, he's in the bathroom. Liane walks past, but stops to listen in] Oh Cupid Me, that's enough! Okay, that's it, Cupid Me! That's it! [Liane opens the door and sees Cartman masturbating furiously on the toilet] That's it, Cupid Me. Okay, that's it. That's it, Cupid Me. [Liane closes the door]
Liane
Awww.
End of Tweek x Craig
  1906: "Tweek x Craig" edit
Story Elements

Tweek TweakCraig TuckerRuffian's' • YaoiAsian Girls • "The Book of Love" • "Say Something" • "The Ballad of Tweek and Craig" • Cupid Me

Media

ImagesScriptWatch Video

Release

South Park: The Complete Nineteenth Season