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The Lonely Jew on Christmas

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"The Lonely Jew on Christmas" was sung by Kyle Broflovski in the Season One episode, "Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo".


Kyle feels left out on Christmas because his family celebrates Hanukkah and his friends inform him that Jews cannot eat Christmas snow. Additionally, no one believes him about Mr. Hankey's existence.



It's hard to be a Jew on Christmas
My friends won't let me join in any games
And I can't sing Christmas songs or decorate a Christmas tree
Or leave water out for Rudolph 'cause there is something wrong with me
My people don't believe in Jesus Christ's divinity!

I'm a Jew
A lonely Jew
On Christmas.

Hanukkah is nice, but why is it
That Santa passes over my house every year?
And instead of eating ham, I have to eat kosher latkes
Instead of Silent Night, I'm singing 'Huhash Dogavish'
And what the fuck is up with lighting all these fucking candles? Tell me, please!

I'm a Jew
A lonely Jew
I'd be merry
But I'm Hebrew
On Christmas.

Deeper voice:
Hey, little boy, I couldn't help but hear
You're feeling left out of Christmas cheer
But I've come to see that you shouldn't be sad
This is the one month that you should be glad.

Cause it's nice to be a Jew on Christmas
You don't have to deal with the season at all
Don't have to be on your best behavior or give to charity
You don't have to go to grandma's house with your alcoholic family.

And I don't have to sit on some fake Santa's lap and have him breathe his stinky breath on me!

Deeper voice:
That's right. You're a Jew...

A stylin' Jew...

It's a good time... to be Hebrew
On Christmas!

Deeper voice:
On Christmas.

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