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Trey Parker and Matt Stone created a short parody of Gladiator for the MTV Movie Awards. The cartoon included Stan, Kyle, Cartman, Kenny, and Timmy fighting Crowe and the other gladiators, only to be saved at the last minute by John Travolta and the Psychlos from Battlefield Earth.

Trivia

Images

Script

Cast

  • Stan Marsh
  • Kyle Broflovski
  • Eric Cartman
  • Kenny McCormick
  • Mr. Mackey
  • Mr. Garrison
  • Maximus (Russell Crowe)
  • Announcer
  • Emperor Commodus
  • Terl (John Travolta)
The Gauntlet
South Park Elementary, Mr. Mackey's office, day. Craig is seated on the bench next to the door once again. Stan, Kyle, Cartman, Kenny, and Timmy are seated in a line before Mr. Mackey.
Mr. Mackey
Well, I'm sick and tired of seeing you in here, boys, m'kay? [starts lifting a note] I've been told that you called your teacher, Mr. Garrison, [reads the note] a "buttlicking scrotum dweller." [the boys start laughing]
Stan
It wasn't our fault, Mr. Mackey, the [points] handicapped kid made us do it. [the other boys look aside at...]
Timmy
Timmeh!
Mr. Mackey
Well, it doesn't matter, because you're all going to be punished!
The Boys
Awwww!
Timmy
Timmeh!
Cartman
[weary] We're gonna have Detention again?
Mr. Mackey
NO! Detention doesn't seem to work for you boys. I'm afraid this time, it's... [close up, dramatic] the Gauntlet. M'kay.
Kyle
What's "the Gauntlet?"
Rome, Italy, day. Dramatic Music. The Roman Colosseum exterior is shown. Cut to a gladiatorial waiting room. Inside, the boys wait behind two big heavy wooden doors. The doors open to reveal the Colosseum interior, as shown in "Gladiator." The Roman crowds cheer the boys as they come out. They are afraid
Announcer
Fellow Romans! Here we have five very naughty boys from South Park, Colorado!
Crowd
Booo!
Mr. Garrison
Feed 'em to the tigers!
Announcer
[off screen] And the challengers... [two other wooden doors at the opposite end of the Colosseum open] Maximus and friends! [Maximus leads his men out to the arena, dressed as in "Gladiator."]
Maximus
Boy, I'm a Spaniard, by Cracky!
Crowd:
Ma-ximus! Ma-ximus! Ma-ximus!
Commodus
[as the crowd chants "Ma-ximus!" he whines] Why are they cheering Maximus? Why do they like him and not me?
Announcer
Begin!
Maximus
Charge! [his team charges towards the boys]
The Boys
Aaaaaaaah!
Cartman
[covers his ass with his shield] Oh, you guys! I crapped my pants! [Maximus' team approaches. Maximus goes for Kenny and drives his sword right through the top of Kenny's head and down.]
Kenny
[squeaks] (Ow!) [Maximus lifts his sword to inspect his kill, then shoves the corpse off the sword with his boot]
Stan
Oh my God, Russell Crowe killed Kenny!
Timmy
Timmih!
Cartman
[rubbing his hands into his pants] Oh, it's all hot and sticky, you guys.
Maximus
Now, let's get the rest! [his team charges again]
Stan
What are we gonna do??
Cartman
We're gonna die! [Timmy is unfazed. He just grins. As Maximus and his men draw near, a blast comes down from above and scatters them. A space ship descends to the arena floor]
Stan
Whoa, who is that? [the ship lands and the doors open. Close-up on the Psychlos, led by Terl, that appear in the doorway]
Cartman
It's John Travolta and the Church of Scientology!
The Boys
Hooray!
Timmy
Timmeh! [the Psychlos approach]
Stan
Wow, thanks, Scientologists.
Terl
Hey, no problem, you guys. [begins handing out some paper] And now you can take these personality tests.
Cartman
O... kay...
Maximus
[on his feet with his team] It's those meddling Scientologists again, mates! LET'S GET 'EM! [the team moves forward again]
Terl
Join the Church of Scientology! [shows Maximus the personality test]
Maximus
Never! You'll have to kill me first!
Terl
Okay. [he and his men raise laser guns and shoot at the gladiators, vaporizing each one] Looks like our work here is done! Let's party! [he and his men start to dance disco-style to the Bee Gee's "Staying Alive" and the crowd roars approval. The boys dance a bit]
Timmy
Timmih!
Cartman
Hey, I think this will come in real handy... as toilet paper, m'kay?
The exterior of the Roman Colosseum is shown once more.
End of The Gauntlet

See Also