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The Aristocrats Sketch

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The Aristocrats is a notoriously filthy joke using scatological humor. This clip was included on a documentary about the joke, also called The Aristocrats, which featured various actors and comedians retelling their versions of the joke, as well as shedding some light on its origins. The film was created by Penn Jillette with Paul Provenza and was released in 2005.

This is the second theatrical appearance of South Park.

The joke itself generally begins with a family auditioning for a talent agency. Although the talent agent initially brushes them off as too 'cutesy', he is eventually persuaded to allow them to show him their act. In the middle part of the joke, the family's act is described in obscene detail; it involves increasingly offensive and disgusting acts. After the performance, the talent agent asks them just what the hell their act was supposed to be, to which they respond, "The Aristocrats!" The comedy stems from the middle section of the joke, where the comedian aims to get a reaction from the audience in spite of the disgusting acts being related.

In the South Park version, Cartman tells the other boys the joke his grandfather told him while at the school bus stop. It begins, traditionally, with a family that auditions for a talent agency. Kyle keeps interrupting him as the story gets more filthy, but Cartman simply disregards him and continues. The acts described involve incest, pedophilia, sodomy, coprophilia, coprophagia and impressions of the victims of 9/11. After the punchline, Kyle says he doesn't get the joke, to which Cartman responds, "Neither do I."



[The neighborhood bus stop. The boys stand there hanging around]
Cartman: You guys wanna hear a funny joke my Grandpa told me?
Kyle: No.
Cartman: Okay. The- this family walks into a talent agency. It's a mother, father, their son and daughter, and a little baby. The father says to the talent agent, "Sir, our family has an amazing act. We know if you would let us perform it for you you would want to sign us." And the talent agent says, "Sorry, we don't sign family acts. They're too cutesy." But then the mother goes, "Please, sir, if you just give us two minutes, we know you'll like our act." So the talent agent says, "All right, you've got two minutes." The family jumps right into it. The mother smiles and points to the son, who hits "Play" on a boombox. Thrilling circus music starts to play as the father spins his daughter around, bends her over, lifts up her skirts and starts licking her asshole. [Stan's jaw drops]
Kyle: What??
Cartman: Then the son lays down on the floor and opens his mouth, and the mother tears off tear-away pants, squats down over his face and starts shitting all over him.
Kyle: Dude!
Cartman: Hold on! Hold on. The father grabs the baby, takes off his diaper and starts sucking his cock, right? While the son, still with his mother's shit in his mouth, goes over and licks the baby's tiny little balls.
Kyle: Dude.
Cartman: Hold on, Kyle. Now the mother lays down on her back on the floor while the daughter gets up high on a chair and starts pissing all over. Then the father and son take the baby and start stuffing it head-first back into the mother's vagina, while the daughter's piss rains down on all of them.
Kyle: Dude, just stop. It-
Cartman: They get the- towait. Hold on, Kyle. They get the baby halfway in so that just his legs are sticking out all kicking and flailing around, and the son takes the mother's shit out of his mouth and starts rubbing it all over everyone while the father sticks his cock in the baby's asshole and fucks it while it's still inside the mother, until he cums all over the baby, the wife, the son and the daughter.
Kyle: Car-Car-Cartman, I don't want any-
Cartman: Kyle?! Will you hold on, please! Then the father gets up and says, "And now for our impersonation of the victims of 9/11." And the whole family starts running around screaming and laughing with their dicks and tittles all flapping around, covered with piss and shit and cum, goin' [falsetto] "AAAAAaaAAAAhhh! AAAAAaaAAAAhhh!, the building's comin' down! Heeelllppp!!!" [normal] And finally the family runs back to the center of the room and goes, "TADAAA!!" And the talent agent, he just sits there for the longest time, and finally he says, "...Jesus, that's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "the Aristocrats!" [no response from the boys] Heheheh. [more silence]
Kyle: I don't get it.
Cartman: ...Neither do I.
[End of The Aristocrats Sketch]

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