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Cast

  • Stan Marsh
  • Kyle Broflovski
  • Eric Cartman
  • Butters Stotch
  • Kenny McCormick
  • Wendy Testaburger
  • Jimmy Valmer
  • Craig Tucker
  • Mr. Garrison
  • Super Phun Thyme Cashier
  • Clerk
  • Gunsmith
  • Murderin' Murphy
  • PA System
  • Pioneer Paul
  • Sheriff McLawdog
  • Smithy
  • Pioneer Village Workers (4 men, 2 women)
  • Domino
  • Frans
  • Injured Man
  • Ohrlich
  • Walsky
  • Lieutenant
  • Officer 1
  • Officer 2
  • Officer 3
  • 911 Operator
  • Police Chief

Script

Super Fun Time
Entrance to Pioneer Village, day. The South Park Elementary school bus is parked. Mr. Garrison waits with a bearded employee as the class enters the attraction
!Mr. Garrison
Kids, everyone together. Welcome to Pioneer Village. This is a recreation of early Colorado days. I want you all to meet Pioneer Paul. [the bearded employee steps forward, his hands gripping his suspenders]
Pioneer Paul
Hi, kids, and welcome to my village. I settled here in 1864 with my mahr and pahr. Sure thing, I ain't never seen strange clothes like you all are wearin'. And what's that fancy yellow horse carriage you got out there?
Stan
Ughh.
Kyle
This is gonna suck.
Pioneer Paul
When you all are ready just head up to the village. All the townfolk are there to answer yer questions. And welcome. [tips his hat a bit to the class] To 1864. Set 'em up!
Mr. Garrison
Thank you, Pioneer Paul. [Pioneer Paul turns around and walks away.] All right, kids, this is a big place, so I want everyone to pick a partner to hold hands with. [the students look at each other and begin to pair off.]
Cartman
Let's be partners, Kenny.
Kenny
(No, I'm partners with Craig) [holds Craig's hand]
Cartman
Okay. [turns and follows Stan] Stan, let's be partners, dude. [Stan approaches Wendy and holds out his hand. She takes it]
Stan
Naw, I'm with Wendy.
Cartman
Eh, you wanna hold hands with a girl? Gaywad! [Wendy flashes him an angry look as he turns and walks away. He looks around and sees most everyone is paired off. He approaches Kyle] All right, let's be partners, Kyle.
Kyle
I hate you, remember? [turns away] You wanna be partners, Jimmy?
Cartman
[miffed] Jesus, what have I ever done to you? Craig? Token? [Clyde and Token pair up] Who, who else needs a partner? [after the rest of the kids have paired up, only Butters is left. Cartman looks at him and he gets bashful all of a sudden, brushing his left foot back and forth on the ground] Uh who else needs a partner?
Mr. Garrison
Eric, partner with Butters.
Cartman
God damn it!
Mr. Garrison
Hold Butters' hand, Eric! [Butters motions for Cartman to take his hand]
Cartman
That isn't necessary!
Mr. Garrison
Butters, you are not to let go of Eric's hand until you are both back on that bus! Do you understand?!
Butters
I understand. [takes Cartman's hand as Garrison turns towards the village]
Mr. Garrison
Cartman
You can let go now, Butters.
Butters
[firmly] No.
Cartman
Butters, come on!
Butters
No! [the class is at the center of the village. Around it are a carriage house, the saloon, and the feed and tackle store]
Mr. Garrison
All right kids, go ahead and visit the charming villagers and learn stuff. [the pairs disperse] Keep track of your partner!
The smithy's shop. The smithy is working on a horseshoe resting on an anvil. Stan, Wendy, Kyle, and Jimmy drop by
Smithy
Why howdy partners. [puts his tools down] I'm the town blacksmith. Are you folks settlers, or are you just trappers passin' through?
Stan
Uhhh, look, can we just drop the whole roleplaying thing? I would play along, but my girlfriend's here and I don't wanna look like a total dork in front of her.
Wendy
Thanks, Stan.
Pioneer Paul
[dropping by] These folks sure are strange, Smithy. We ain't never seen them kind of fancy hats in our time, have we?
Kyle
[points to the Smithy] That guy is wearing a digital watch.
Smithy
Oh jeez. [adjust the watch to hide it. Pioneer Paul gives him an angry look]
Pioneer Paul
Damn it Chad!
Chad
[puts it in his pocket] S-sorry, I'm sorry.
Another smithy shop, this time for guns. Cartman, Butters, Kenny, Craig, Jenny and Riley visit
Gunsmith
Why howdy, partners, I'm the town gunsmith. You see, in our time it's pretty violent. See them holes in the walls? That's so we can put rifles through to protect us from Injuns.
Cartman
I wanna shoot an Indian.
Gunsmith
Now some of you might wanna meet Abigail at the candle-makin' house. Or you can head over to the general store. [Kenny, Craig, and the two girls leave. Cartman and Butters head for the holes in the wall]
Butters
Do you see any Indians?
Cartman
Nah, it's just the city and e- Oh my Jesus Christ monkeyballs. [just over the greenery is Super Phun Thyme, a small attraction next door.] "Super... Phun Thyme." [turns to Butters and has him step forward] Dude, check it out! We're only two blocks from a Super Phun Thyme! They've got video games and rides and everything!
Butters
Oh, that's cool. [steps back and turns around] Well come on, Eric, we need to catch up with everyone.
Cartman
Dude, screw this place! We've gotta go to Super Phun Thyme!
Butters
Oh no! I'm not sneakin' out! I'll get in trouble!
Cartman
Fine, then let go of my hand!
Butters
Teacher said I can't let go till we're back on the bus!
Cartman
Well which is it gonna be, Butters?! Are you gonna ditch out with me or are you gonna disobey the teacher's stupid rule?!
Butters
I'm not lettin' go!
Cartman
Fine, then you're comin' with me!
Butters
No, Eric! [trips and stands up. Cartman pulls him towards the village's entrance]
Cartman
Butters, let go God-damn it!
Butters
Pioneer Paul leads Stan, Wendy, Kyle, and Jimmy into the general store.
Pioneer Paul
This here is our general store. It's where I buy all my supplies an' sich.
Clerk
Howdy partners. I own this hearrr general store.
Wendy
Look, Stan, they had beef jerky back then.
Clerk
What do you mean "back then"? Don't forget, it's 1864.
Kyle
Right. Except for it really isn't.
Pioneer Paul
Wuh, sure it is. Just look around ye. [they look around, but the modern sound of sirens reaches their ears]
Kyle
What's that?
Stan
Sounds like police sirens.
Pioneer Paul
What's a si-rene? We ain't never heard of no sirene in 1864. [the sound of screeching tires is next, and everyone heads to the windows to find out. A big black SUV pulls into the village and seven people pour out of it. One of them is injured]
Leader
We lost them, we lost them!
Injured Man
Damn pig cops!
Leader
Close that gate! [two of his henchmen close the gate]
Wendy
What's going on?
Stan
I don't know. [the gunmen gather up the students and adults]
Leader
Everyone down on the ground NOW!
Sheriff
Wuh-whoa now, I'm Sheriff McLawdog. I settled here back in eighteen fif- [the leader shoots him in the forehead with a silenced gun]
Stan
Jesus Christ! [the six of them move away from the window and drop to their knees] We've gotta call the police. Where's your phone?
Stan
Jesus Christ! [the six of them move away from the window and drop to their knees] We've gotta call the police. Where's your phone?
Pioneer Paul
A phone? Why, what's a phone? We ain't never hearda sich a thing.
Stan
What?!
Kyle
Come on, this is serious!
Pioneer Paul
Eh storehand, you ever heard of this fancy shmancy phone?
Clerk
Uhhh, nooo. W-we ain't got a phone in our time.
Stan
Dude, they just shot a guy in the face! We've gotta call the cops!
Pioneer Paul
If you mean the law, only law around here is town sheriff McLawdog. You see, 1864 is a time of growth and development in the Old West.
Stan
[in no mood to hear about it] This is not the time for that!
Super Phun Thyme. Cartman pulls Butters towards it.
Cartman
Aw man, this is gonna be awesome! [the go through the double doors] Butters, if you don't let go of my hand, everyone here is gonna think we're gay!
Butters
Well, that's your problem!
Cartman
All right Butters, I've seriously had enough! [tries to rip his hand out of Butters' grip, but only succeeds in pulling Butters around. He tries again, but Butters isn't letting go. He tries a third time, all the way around, and Butters' hand is clamped on tight.] Jesus Christ! [drops the matter and goes to a counter with Butters] One please.
Butters
Make that two! [they each give $6.]
Cashier
Aww, aren't you two cute holdin' hands. Are you special little buddies?
Butters, Cartman
NO! [she gives them their tickets and they go into the attraction]
Super Phun Thyme, interior. Cartman and Butters go into an indoor amusement park. A bounce house is off to the right and miniature golf to the left. Bumper carz and laser tagg are on either side of the bowling lanes. The arcade is on the second floor.
Cartman
Dude, this place shreds! What should we do first?
Butters
We should get back to Pioneer Village, that's what we should do!
Cartman
Butters, we're going to get back before anybody even notices we're gone. Let's go hit the bumper cars! [yanks Butters along.]
Pioneer Village Administration. The façade is 1860s, the building itself current. Wendy reaches the entrance first.
Wendy
Over here. This looks like an office.
Kyle
[opens the door and leads the others in, then spots the phone] Here! Here's the phone! [Wendy gets on the stool and tries to dial out]
Pioneer Paul
Well, what a straaange contraption.
Wendy
I can't get a dial tone. [Kyle listens, then lowers the receiver]
Kyle
What's the number to dial out?
Pioneer Paul
Dial out? Partner, them are some funny words you're usin'.
Stan
Dude, do you understand what's going on here?! [Kyle and Wendy trade places]
Clerk
Maybe they're right, Brian. I mean, this is a special circumstance that-
Pioneer Paul
[grabs him by the collar and shoves him against the door] Brresh! [points something out to him. It's a sign over the door: "Remember: Never Break Character!"]
Clerk
Ogh, I mean, this here room is, it sure is strange. We have nothin' like these fancy devices in our time.
Pioneer Paul
I'll say.
Kyle
I got through. Hello, police?
911 Operator
Nine one one, what's your emergency?
Kyle
There's some terrorists or bankrobbers or something that have taken our class hostage!
911 Operator
Taken hostage where?
Kyle
The old Pioneer Village off of Kipling.
911 Operator
You mean that annoying place where employees won't break character?
Kyle
[glances back at the two men] Sister, you don't know the half of it.
Super Phun Thyme. Cartman rides a Space Pilot rocket
Cartman
Check it out, dude, I'm a space man! Space man, yehesss!
Cartman

I'm having a super fun time playin

Cartman and Butters are at a Thirst For Blood video game. Cartman navigates, Butters fires away half-heartedly
Cartman
Get... get that guy! Shoot that guy! Yeah, and then over here! [next they're playing air hockey. They take turns, but still have to run together in switching sides. They run to Butters' side and Butters hits the puck] Oh, you got it. Nice. [they run to Cartman's side, and Cartman hits the puck. They run back to Butters' side...]
Cartman

Super fun time, please don't go awahay.

Cartman and Butters skate as a pair on roller skates, then they share an ice cream sundae. A couple walks by and looks at them funny.
Butters
What are you whoofelin' at? [the couple hurries away]
Cartman

No more worries or cares, super fun time.

Cartman
[on a Road Hogg motorcycle ride as Butters gets on] Waiwait, keep- you're fine. [starts the ride. The motorcycle rocks back and forth quickly] Oh man, whoa!
Butters
Whoa! [gets tossed into the air, but doesn't let go of Cartman's hand. He ends up on Cartman's lap before the ride ends]
Cartman

The answer to my prayers, super fun time.
Super fun time, you're all I need.

Cartman and Butters are playing Laser Tagg, except that Cartman is shooting at Butters gleefully. Next, they finally hit the bumper cars. Once everyone is in, the power is turned on. Butters is stuck outside the car, as there's no room for him, so he gets some injuries.
Cartman
Yeheah, we're wired up!
Cartman

I'll have a super fun time till I freakin; bleed.
I love you mornin' noon and night, super fun time.

Cartman
[two cars bump into him] Yeah, bumper cars, sweeet! [Butters is battered]
Cartman

You make my life so right, super fun time.

Near the entrance, still inside
Butters
Th-that's it, Eric. We have to be gettin' back!
Cartman
Aw, just a few more things.
Butters
No! If we don't leave right now, we're gonna miss the bus, and then they'll know we left!
Cartman
Huh, I guess you're right, Butters. All right, come on. [they leave Super Phun Thyme]
Pioneer Village, later. The leader of the gunmen barks orders into a walkie talkie and paces back and forth.
Leader
Set up the satellite relay, check for alternate routes out of the area. [turns to the hostage group] Unfortunately, your police department got wind of our robbery and chased after us. That is unfortunate for you, because when I think it is clear to leave we will now need to take hostages with us to ensure our goods get to their final destination.
Mr. Garrison
Please, if you must take anyone, don't take me. These kids are worth more to you. [the kids are shocked at him. The sirens are heard again]
Blond
How did they find us?!
Leader
Get the loot out of the car and stash it in that building. [a bunch of police cars show up at the parking lot and their officers quickly get out and get into position]
Police Chief
All right, men, listen up! Looks like our thieves are trying to hide out here. They've got the employees and some school kids held hostage.
Blond
How did they find us?!
Leader
Get the loot out of the car and stash it in that building. [a bunch of police cars show up at the parking lot and their officers quickly get out and get into position]
Police Chief
All right, men, listen up! Looks like our thieves are trying to hide out here. They've got the employees and some school kids held hostage.
Lieutenant
Tucker, Dylan, set up a perimeter!
Police Chief
Everyone stay on your toes! These are professionals we're dealing with here!
Officer 1
What did they rob, sir?
Police Chief
A Burger King.
A table in the building the leader was referring to. The leader is there with the injured man and a woman. They pool their money onto the table
Leader
All right, good. Is that all of it? [a big balding man comes in with several Burger King meals in bags]
Balding Man
No. Don't forget we've got these too.
Leader
Excellent. Now listen, everyone, we're going to be all right. This is only a small hitch in our plan. [pulls out a cell phone and dials some numbers.] I'd like to speak with the chief of police! [listens] Who is this? This is the man who is going to kill an entire class of fourth graders if he doesn't get exactly what he wants!
Outdoors in Pioneer Village. The group that was in the administration building now arrives in the center of the village and ducks down behind a trough
Kyle
Why aren't the cops coming in?
Wendy
They must be negotiating.
Pioneer Paul
Them there bandits sure look mighty strange. And them pistols is way bigger than whats we's gots.
Kyle
[annoyed] Will you shut up!
Stan
Wait, you have guns here?
Pioneer Paul
Sure. Sheriff got lots of rifles in his office.
Stan
Well why don't you go get them and bring them back here?!
Pioneer Paul
All righty. Come on, storehand.
Clerk
Yeppir! [they leave]
Kipling, near Pioneer Village. Cartman and Butters head back to the village after a few hours at Super Phun Thyme.
Cartman
Uhaw man, I can't wait to see the look on Kyle's face when we tell him we had super fun time, while he was at the dumb Pioneer Village.
Butters
We're not telling anybody! I don't wanna get in trouble! And I didn't have a super fun time anyways.
Cartman
Butters, you've gotta learn to chill. Life goes by pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, and do whatever you want all the time, you could miss it.
Butters
Yeah, well, I guess that's kinda true.
Cartman
[stops in his tracks] Uh oh. [sees the police at the Pioneer Village entrance.] Crap, they called the cops on us.
Butters
What?! They called the cops?!
Cartman
They must have realized we left. Damn.
Butters
Oh my God, the police are looking for us!
Cartman
[covers Cartman's mouth and takes him behind a mail box] Shhh! Butters!
Butters
[quickly upset] We're gonna get it now!
Cartman
Butters Butters, calm down! I know a way out of this!
Butters
You just got me busted forever!
Cartman
Butters, l-listen to me, listen.
Butters
No! [turns away]
Cartman
All we have to do is sneak back inside without the cops seeing us. Then we can say we were inside all along.
Butters
You said they wouldn't notice we were gone. You promised. [punches him softly on the chest with his free hand]
Cartman
If we sneak back inside, we can say we never left, all right? [Butters calms down and stops sobbing] All right, now let go of my hand.
Butters
No.
Cartman
Butters?
Butters
Huh you made me break one rule, I'm not breaking the other! It's all I have now.
Cartman
All right, come on! [they head back towards Super Phun Thyme]
Inside Pioneer Village, day. The leader gives more commands as he walks along. He reaches one of his henchman, who's got monitoring equipment laid out and operational
Leader
Keep the hostages from talking and search for holdouts. Everyone check in at two-minute intervals. I hope you have good news, Ohrlich.
Ohrlich
The police have us completely surrounded on all sides. There's no way we're gettin' out above ground without being spotted.
Leader
Above ground?
Ohrlich
Look, I found this at the rear of the park. It's an old mine shaft, [a picture of an abandoned gold mine appears] but Pioneer Village was sued when a kid died in it, so they closed it down and protected it with a huge me'al door with a coded lock.
Leader
So if we can get into the shaft we can tunnel our way around the police. Excellent.
Ohrlich
One more thing, Frans: I want my share of the take now.
Frans
[finally, a name for the leader] What's the matter, Ohrlich? Lose your sense of trust?
Ohrlich
I was just thinking maybe we get through that tunnel. Then you take the loot to Berlin and I never see you again. I want my cut.
Frans
Very well. [hands him a wad of bills and a Burger King lunch bag. Ohrlich opens the bag, takes out his burger, and leafs through its contents like a deck of playing cards to make sure nothing is missing]
The village square, moments later. The blacksmith is tied up and sitting on a wooden chair. The woman hits the blacksmith's right eye with the butt of her gun
Frans
I'm going to ask you again, what is the door code to the tunnel?!
Smithy
I told you, mister, what would I know about a door code? I'm just a simple blacksmith. With my trusty forge I makes all the metalworks for the village. [the woman strikes his face again with her rifle] OW.
Frans
[holds up the smithy's employee profile] You are an employee here, that means you are required to know the door code for fire code reasons, [reads from the profile] Mister David Palmer of Colorado Springs!
Smithy
Huh my name ain't Palmer, it's... Old Smithy. Hand we ain't never heard of no fire code, why, we gots to put fires out ourselves when the- [the woman strikes his face again with her rifle] OW.
Frans
That's it! [aims his gun at Smithy's left temple. The woman backs away] Tell me the code or you die! [the smithy sobs] One... two...
Smithy
I...
Frans
Yes?
Smithy
I don't know nothin' about no fancy door code. I'm just a simple blacksmith. [Frans kills him and his body drops off the chair. The class and the pioneer villagers but Craig are stunned]
Craig
[observes] These Pioneer Village workers are really committed to their jobs. [another worker is tied up and put on the chair as the smithy's body is dragged away]
Worker
No. Please. Don't hurt me.
Frans
Give us the code to that door and we can leave!
Worker
[shuts his eyes hard] I've never heard of sss-something called a door code. [leans over and whispers] Please, can't you ask some other way?
Frans
I don't have time for your stupid game! Tell me, or you die right now! [gets his gun ready]
Worker
All right, all right! Look, it's just, it's just one of those... Jenkins home security locks. You press the top button and then, and then enter 5-2 [he's killed, but by someone else. The class and the pioneer villagers gasp when it sees whom the killer is. Pioneer Paul is shown with a rifle in his hand, and the general store clerk is next to him]
Pioneer Paul
[tosses his rifle away and walks to the class] What he meant to say, kids, is that we ain't never heard o'no fancy door code 'cause in our time, we gots to rely on wood locks and sich.
Frans
God damn it you people are fucking insane!
Kyle, Wendy, Stan, and Jimmy have seen this all from behind the trough
Kyle
I don't believe it.
Frans
Domino, [looks at the balding man, then at another henchman] Walsky! Find out if there are any employees or students wandering about! Bring them here or shoot them! [the two henchmen move out]
Wendy
Oh crap, we've gotta hide. Come on! [they start to move.]
Jimmy
Yeah. [all stop] We've gotta geh- ...geh... get the hell ...outta here f- f-hast fast. [they finally leave]
Outside Pioneer Village. The police are scouring the surroundings. One of them answers a call
Officer 2
Sector Bravo, no activity.
Butters
Jeez, uh cops are looking for us everywhere.
Cartman
Don't worry, they're not gonna find us 'til we're safely back inside. [turns left and points] Look, see that traffic signal down there? [the intersection is shown] If we can climb across that, we can jump to the tree branch, and then we're home free.
Butters
That looks dangerous.
Cartman
Not getting busted always is, Butters. Come on. [they head to the signal. Butters is lighter, so he goes up first. He pulls Cartman along up the traffic signal, then stands on the arm] Good, that's good. [Cartman stands up too] That's good, Good, all right then. Let's head across. [they begin to tip-toe along the traffic signal's arm.] Go easy. Good.
Butters
Oh gosh in heaven.
Cartman
It's all right. You've got it, no problem- [his left foot slips, causing them both to lose their balance] OP.
Butters
Whoa!
Cartman
Save me!
Butters
I'm gonna fall! [they both scream as they struggle to stay on the arm, but they both fall off... and end up hanging from the arm like a pair of tennis shoes tied together]
Cartman
... Oh dude, laaame.
The village square. Frans is still on top of things.
Frans
Frohlich, check in. Have you found any other employees?
Domino
We found somebody. [the two henchmen he sent off earlier return]
Walsky
We found this guy in the jail of the sheriff's office.
Pioneer Paul
[gasps] You let out Murderin' Murphy?
Murderin' Murphy
Y'are all gettin' it for puttin' me in that thar jail!
Frans
[frustrated and pissed off] Stop it! Stop your bad historical acting right now!
Woman
Tarnation. Why'd you let Murderin' Murphy go? He's a bad man.
Frans
[approaching the employees] I am the fucking bad man! Do you get that?! Knock it off and give me the mine shaft access code!
Pioneer Paul
You're just gonna have to kill us, mister, 'cause you ain't makin' no sense at all.
Frans
I won't kill you if you don't tell me. I'll kill one of THEM! [walks over to the students...]
Mr. Garrison
Not me! Not me not me not me not me! [...and grabs Kenny]
Kenny
(What? Hey, let go.)
Frans
[drags Kenny to the employees] Do you want to see a child die?!
Kenny
(No they don't wanna see a child die! You guys! Uf.)
The traffic signal, later.
Butters
I am so disappointed in myself. Teacher gave me a res-responsibility, and I was just supposed to look after my partner, and I blew it!
Cartman
Don't be too hard on yourself, Butters. You can't help being a douchebag. Wait, Butters, look! [a big truck is headed their way] This is it! This is our chance! Swing over, Butters! Go!
Butters
Huh... [swings over, and they both land on the truck. They then move about looking for a good position to jump from]
Cartman
Quick! Are you ready?! We gotta jump!
Butters
Let's do it!
Cartman
Ready? Go! [they leap off the truck and over the wooden wall. The police are not aware of this. They land on a roof and roll of it into a wooden wheelbarrow, which tips over and dumps them onto the ground.]
Inside Pioneer Village. at the village square.
Frans
[Domino and Walsky bring the female employee over to Kenny, who is tied up on the chair] What about you? Will you tell us the access code or do you want to see this kid die?!
Woman
I'm sorry, I'm a woman and women in our time ain't allowed to know the carryin's on of the town proper.
Frans
God damn it!
In a nearby building, Stan, Wendy and Jimmy hide under a table. Kyle peeks out a hole in the boarded-up windows behind the table
Kyle
Dude, they're gonna kill Kenny!
Stan
I can't let them do it. [comes out from under the table] I've got to make the ultimate sacrifice. [turns and heads for the door, then exits the building]
Kyle
Stan?
Wendy
[leans out] Where are you going, Stan?
Stan
Wendy, I have to do something. Please look away. [turns around, grabs some dirt, rubs it on his face, and walks to the hostage area]
Frans
All right, that does it! [jabs the tip of the gun up against Kenny's hood. Kenny just looks at him] On the count of three this child dies! One! Two!
Kenny
(God damn it, someone help me!)
Stan
[walks up] Well howdy there, strangers. [everyone looks at him as he approaches] Sorry to interrupt ye, but I done come from Pagosa Springs to buy me some wares an' sich..
Pioneer Paul
Ohhh, welcome, partner. [the other employees welcome him as well.]
Frans
Wha-what are you doing?
stan
I heard you all had some difficulty with a criminal getsin' out of your jail.
Pioneer Paul
That's right, Murderin' Murphy. He's crazy 'cause someone killed his pa.
Murderin' Murphy
They killed my pahr!
Stan
I reckon that maybe you could make a jail door that opened with numbers instead of keys. You know, like a biiiiig safe.
Pioneer Paul
Y-y-yeah, I understand that.
Clerk
Finally, a fella that talks some sense.
Stan
If'n you all was to have such a giant safe, what would you villagers want the number to be to unlock that thar jail door shuckamuck?
Pioneer Paul
Oh, well uh, I reckon the easiest number to remember for any big safe door lock would be... 1864.
Clerk
Yup, 1864, 'cause that's the year it is.
Frans
Eighteen sixty four. Ohrlich, we have the door code! Start packing up! We'll take the hostages with us! [smiles]
Mr. Garrison
No, you got your door code, let us go!
Walsky
Copy that. What's the code, over. [Butters and Cartman step out from behind a building, then quickly step back behind it before they can be seen]
Cartman
Sweet, there's still cops looking for us in here. All right, follow my lead, Butters. [they step out again and walk towards Walsky, who gets ready to shoot] Hohoo man, hasn't this place been fascinating, Butters?
Butters
Yeah, it sure has.
Cartman
Oh, I just don't know what I liked better: the historical buildings and archifacts or the, or the uhhhm.
Butters
Or the witty anecdotes of the townspeople, uh...
Cartman
Witty anecdotes, yes, that's been ab- that's been awesome.
Butters
Been a hoot all right!
Walsky
Get your hands behind your head!
Cartman
What'd we do? We've been here the whole time.
Walsky
Shut up! Put your hands behind your head! Do it now! [they put their free hands behind their heads, which surprises him] Let go of each other!
Butters
Huh uh.
Walsky
Do what I tell you!
Butters
Our teacher said we have to hold hands the whole time we're here!
Walsky
Let go or else I'll put a bullet through your hands and make you let go!
Cartman
Butters.
Walsky
Now!
Butters
No! [remembering how Cartman swung him around at Super Phun Thyme, he swings Cartman around and knocks Walsky down. He and Cartman sprint across the field and manage to avoid the barrage of bullets Wilskey sends their way]
Cartman
Jesus Christ! [Walsky fires off a grenade, which hits a house just as Cartman and Butters run past it. The blast blows them off their feet]
Butters
AAAAH!
Cartman
AAAAH! [this and the gunfire alert the other robbers]
Frans
Go! Go take care of it! I'll stay with the hostages! [the gunwoman and Ohrlich leave]
Stan
Hey, m-Murderin' Murphy, you see that there feller?
Murderin' Murphy
Yeah.
Stan
He done killed yer pahr.
Murderin' Murphy
[stands up enraged] What?! Well I'll rip his head off! [runs towards Frans and tackles him]
Officer 2
We've got a chance. Hostages are clear! [officers climb over the wooden wall and pour into the village.]
Frans
They are coming in! [the shootout between cops and robbers begins. Ohrlich is shot dead and his burger drops to the floor next to him. The gunwoman fires, and the cops fire back. She is shot through a window and dies.]
Mr. Garrison
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
Officer 3
Whoa, no, no!
Officer 2
Hostages are secure at the park entrance!
Murderin' Murphy
I got you now, Pioneer Paul!
Pioneer Paul
They shoulda never let you out of jail, Murderin' Murphy! [they get into a fistfight. Domino shoots at the cops from the second floor of the saloon. The cops fire back and Domino keels over, dead. Frans walks over to Ohrlich's body and takes back his cut]
Police Chief
[arrives and aims his gun] Freeze, scumbag! It's all over! [Other officers gather and aim their weapons. Frans drops his satchel and puts his hands behind his head.]
Woman
Murderin' Murphy's gonna kill Pioneer Paul!
Officer 2
[aims his gun at the men] Stop right now! It's over! [a bell rings out three tones and the fistfight ends]
PA System
Howdy, partners. It's five o'clock. Pioneer Village is now closed for the day. [Murphy and Paul let go of each other and stand up smiling] Head back to your wagons and have a safe trip home.
Pioneer Paul
We made it!
Murderin' Murphy
We made it! [the employees hug each other and begin to disperse]
Woman 2
Oh God, I can't wait to get out of this dress.
Murderin' Murphy
Whoa, that was great! [the employees begin to drop their makeup and other bits of costume]
Pioneer Paul
Uh, listen, if anyone still wants to know, the phone is in the administration building, you dial 9 to get out, and there's actually a back exit behind the horse troughs. Good night everybody, thanks for coming. We did it, guys!
Gunsmith
Let's go to TGI Fridays and get some jalapeño poppers!
Murderin' Murphy
Yeah, that'd be great!
Man 1
All right!
Man 2
Oh yeah, huh. Jalapeño poppers.
Man 3
Let's go, huh.
Outside Pioneer Village, evening. The cops finish up their investigations. Mr. Garrison talks to them with his class around him.
Wendy
Stan, you were really brave in there, but you did kind of sound like a big dork.
Stan
I know.
Police Chief
Come on you!
Frans
You're hurting my arm!
Police Chief
Too bad! You'll be going away for a long time. Was it worth it?
Frans
In a way, it was. I might not have gotten away, but... at least I learned a lot about Pioneer life in the Old West. Those early settlers didn't have the modern conveniences we all take for granted today. To think how difficult it was back in those times to do somethin' as simple as washing your clothes. Pioneer Village has a lot to teach us all.
Police Chief
That's true. [Frans is put in a squad car and the cops continue with their work]
Wendy
[looks at Pioneer Village] Hey look. [Butters walks towards the entrance dragging Cartman behind him. Cartman is passed out. Butters drags him over the sidewalk, across the parking lot, and on to the bus. Only then does he let go]
Butters
Teacher, my partner is back on the bus! [all energy leaves him and he passes out too]
End of Super Fun Time


  1207: "Super Fun Time" edit
Story Elements

Pioneer VillageSuper Phun ThymePioneer PaulStorehandMurderin' MurphySheriff McLawdogFranzVoskyDominoThe Burger King Bandits • "Super Fun Time"

Media

ImagesScriptWatch Episode

Release

South Park: The Complete Twelfth Season