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Starvin' Marvin in Space/Script

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The official script for "Starvin' Marvin in Space" was released by South Park Studios. It is located here!

Cast

  • Stan Marsh
  • Kyle Broflovski
  • Kenny McCormick
  • Eric Cartman
  • The Marklar
  • Sally Struthers
  • Starvin' Marvin
  • CIA Agents Connelly and Bill Sphinx
  • FBI Agent
  • Sister Hollis
  • Pat Robertson
  • Susan
  • Ethiopians
  • Australians
  • Mr. Garrison
  • Feed The Children Foundation Receptionist
  • Singer

Script

In Memory of Mary Kay Bergman
[Space. A small ship makes its way towards Earth. An alien flies the ship. It has a big brain, and its head is covered with veins that stick out.]
Marklar: Marklar, this is Marklar. Approaching Marklar.
Marklar dispatcher: Proceed with marklar and make first contact.
Marklar: Marklar. [the Marklar ship descends to Earth and hovers over a desert. It lands, and the Marklar pilot steps out. It walks forward] Greetings, Marklar, I am Marklar. [Two lions and a lioness look at him hungrily.] I come in marklar. [the lions move towards him] Oh, marklar. [the lions jump him and rips him to shreds] AAAAAAAAAA! [the lions run away carrying chunks of the Marklar in their mouths]
[Fade to next day, the Ethiopian desert under the hot sun. The Ethiopians laze about in front of their huts, having nothing to do. The camera pans past the hut to a small white church with a simple cross and a white picket fence.]
Woman: Hello, everyone. I am Sister Hollis. I was chosen for my mission work to come here to Africa and teach you all about the teachings of Jesus. [a group of Ethiopians sit cross-legged, with their Bibles in front of them on white benches. This is her Bible class. Above them, two ceiling fans spin, clanking a little] Okay then, do we have our Bibles that were handed out freely? [an Ethiopian attempts to eat one, but Hollis interrupts] No no, we don't eat the Bibles, we read them. [returns to the front] Now, let's turn to Mark 3:19. [the class does not respond] Come on, remember [pulls down a chart]: reading Bible plus accepting Jesus equals food. [the students study the chart, then open their Bibles] Good. Now, who can read Mark 3:19? How about... Marvin? [glissant as the camera switches to Marvin reading. He lowers his Bible]
Marvin: Doundobi godia dyum * *
Hollis: No, Marvin, in God's language. English.
Marvin: Dongdin * * mium bidu [closes his Bible, leaves it, and heads towards the door]
Hollis: Where are you going? Back to your life of sin? Don't you understand that unless you find Christ, you and all your people are doomed to eternal hellfire? [Marvin just opens the door, walks out, and heads towards the desert. He passes his people, who can do nothing but moan]
Ethiopians: Ooooohhh. [some of them cough. Marvin shows surprise as he sees a group of eight people on a hill looking down at a column of smoke. He moves up to them]
Marvin: Duo bet tum debettum * * ghm * *? [the camera goes over the group to reveal the Marklar's ship. Marvin stares in awe] Mah tah guum tyum * * ghm tm tm. [moves towards it. The chief says something, but Marvin continues to the ship. He touches it, and it opens up for him, the sand washing off its surface. The group on the hill screams with joy. Some of the group runs away]
Ethiopian: Necah * * necundat? [Marvin opens the cockpit and hops in]
Chief: Nn * * de co?
Marvin: Umi chu. [presses a button to activate a map display. The cockpit closes and the ship lifts off]
Ethiopian Woman: Wobe dabiga gm * *.
Marvin: Gobede *. [presses a button and the ship lurches up. He takes off and comes back, sweeping over the villagers' heads. He takes off into space, into the distance, and then returns. The episode title follows close behind]
Starvin' Marvin in Space
[In Star Wars fashion, the camera moves from space down and right to a sunny day in South Park. The camera settles on South Park Elementary as the bell rings. Class is now in session]
Mr. Garrison: ...And so, children, that's why Hare Krishnas are totally gay. [the door opens and two agents enter. They start looking under tables and lifting desks, then lower the blinds...] Uh, can I help you?
Agent 1: Yes. I'm Connelly, and this is Sphinx. We're with the CIA.
Sphinx: We're here to speak with some of your students. [turns to them] You [Cartman], you [Kyle], you [Kenny], and you [Stan].
Mr. Garrison: Oh, for Pete's sake, what have you bastards done now?!
Cartman: Hey! That was Kyle that went #2 in the urinal!
Kyle: No it wasn't, fatass! I saw you do it!
Connelly: Boys, we need to talk to you about a matter of national security. Now!
Kenny: (Huh?) [Connelly takes Cartman and Kyle, Sphinx takes Kenny and Stan. They then carry the boys out the door. Sphinx reaches back to close it]
Mr. Garrison: I hope you give them the chair! [turns back to the chalkboard] Anyway, children, as I was saying, Hare Krishnas are totally gay. [writes "Hare Krishnas" on the board.]
[A military complex. The boys are seated inside a hangar, with a lamp shining on them.]
Cartman: Oh, dude, this is not cool!
Kyle: Relax, fatass.
Cartman: No. Dude, I've seen this on TV. They shine that light in your face, and then they try to get you to tell them stuff by squeezing your balls really hard.
Stan: What??
Cartman: Dude, I've seen it! They grab your balls with their leather-gloved hands and they squeeze 'em as hard as they can until they pop like little grapes!
Stan, Kyle: Ow, dude! [the hangar doors open and the two agents enter]
Cartman: [pointing] Start with Kenny! Start with Kenny! [Kenny looks at him]
Sphinx: Relax, boys. We just need to talk with you.
Stan: * I told you, fatass.
Connelly: Approximately 31 hours ago, an ethnic-looking child was spotted flying some kind of state-of-the-art space craft over Chinese air space.
Cartman: Whoa, cool.
Sphinx: Cool? That craft appears to have enough plutonium fuel on board to blow up a large city! Do you think that's cool?!
Cartman: Totally!
Connelly: Alright, children, we just need to know one thing: Do you know this person? [holds up a picture of Marvin]
Cartman: Heeyy, that's Starvin' Marvin.
Stan: Sshh!
Connelly: Who?
Kyle: You dumbass, Cartman! Now they're gonna go squeeze his balls!
Cartman: Oh. We don't know him.
Sphinx: We already know you know him. We have this! [a picture of the boys standing behind Marvin outside King Jimmy's Buffet] Now, who is he?! [Kyle farts, and the boys laugh]
Cartman: Kyle's makin' mudpies; you guys want one? [the agents walk away and talk with each other. The boys laugh for a long time...]
Connelly: This is getting us nowhere. We'll have to resort to more drastic measures.
Sphinx: But they're just kids. We can't torture them.
Connelly: Look, we don't know what that craft is capable of, but the kid is going to have to land it somewhere. God only knows what sadistic backwards Third-World country could get their hands on that ship!
[Australia. The ship heads towards it, with a song playing in the cockpit. Marvin is enjoying his flight, but the screen tells him to debark]
Singer: Soaring so high above the world,
Never thought I could be so free.
I'm one with the birds, and magic is all I see.
Man 1: [pointing] Oy, look up there! [the ship descends and the engines turn off]
Man 2: It's a UFO! [the windshield rolls back]
Crowd: [start backing up] Oohh?!
Marvin: [appears] Dogom * Dommm * *.
Man 3: Boy, that's one creeepy alien.
Marvin: Gmm * Mmm-mm * *.
Man 4: [prodding] Talk to 'im, Mayor. [the Mayor walks up to Marvin and speaks]
Mayor: Great and noble alien creature. As Mayor of the fine planet of Australia, I welcome you to our fine... planet of Australia. Chippy chip
Crowd: Churrah! [Marvin pulls out pencil and paper and starts drawing...]
Mayor: Look out, he's got a gun! [shields his face. The others cower]
Man 5: Wait, it's not a gun. It's a piece of paper.
Mayor: Oh. [the paper has a drawing of Australia and of Marvin's people. Marvin draws an arrow from his people to Australia] Oh, I think he's tryin' to tell us that he wants to relocate all his species here to Australia.
Marvin: * * Muogleblabla mb'g * *.
Mayor: Well, you certainly are all welcome 'ere, alien. In fact, there's a mission right over there that will take all your people in. [it looks just like the one he left in Ethiopia. A woman is at the door.]
Woman: Hello-o. [Marvin looks, and the smile leaves his face. He hops back into the craft and takes off]
Mayor: Guess the little pecker doesn't like missionaries.
[The military complex. The children are being tortured, but not physically. They moan and grunt]
Sphinx: Now, I'll ask you again. Who is the little boy that took our ship?
Stan: We don't know. [some scratching is heard]
The Boys: Aaaaaaaa! [Sphinx is scratching at a balloon] Aaaaaaaa!
Connelly: [holds up a picture of Marvin in the spacecraft] Who is this person!
Cartman: [gasping] K-kill me.
Connelly: Do it again. [Sphinx scratches the balloon...]
The Boys: Aaaaaaaa!
Cartman: No wait. I'll tell you. [the agents take off their ear muffs] He's, he's a little starving Ethiopian kid. We adopted him.
Kyle: Cartman!
Sphinx: Adopted from whom?
Cartman: Sally. Sally Struthers. The lady on TV. She knows everything. Sally Struthers.
Connelly: Sally Struthers!
Sphinx: Where can we find her?!
Connelly: I know exactly where Sall Struthers is. Let them go.
Kyle: Good job, fatass!
Cartman: Dude, I couldn't take anymore of that balloon. Another couple hours of that, and I would've been totally pissed off.
Stan: [moving past Kyle and Cartman] Whatever. Let's go see what's on TV.
[Ethiopia, the FEED THE CHILDREN FOUNDATION building. The agents sit in the lobby reading newspapers]
Receptionist: Gentlemen, Ms. Struthers can see you now. [the men rise and go for the door, but before they enter Connelly stops and closes the door]
Connelly: I'm warning you, Bill. Sally Struthers is a bit heavy. But don't say anything, because she's pretty sensitive.
Sphinx: Oh, I would never say anything. I saw some show where they made fun of Sally Struthers' weight, and I thought it was totally cruel. I mean, she helps people, you know. [they enter. The storage room has been transformed into awfully dark living quarters for her]
Connelly: Ah, Ms. Struthers.
Sally: Oh ho ho ho. [she now has the shape of a Hutt] Un chaka solo david. Saime no Chewbacca dakaiminbi? ho ho. ["Hello gentlemen. How can I help you?"]
Connelly: Ms. Struthers. We understand you have helped raise millions of dollars to help starving children in Ethiopia.
Sally: Oh? Makarendae bi cho. ["I do my best."] Ho ho ho.
Connelly: We need information on one of the Ethiopians. You must tell us everything you know about him. [waves his hand in a Jedi fashion]
Sally: Do ba kim.
Sphinx: Uh, heh-his name is Starving Marvin.
Sally: [begins to sniff around] Jonoba unko chocolate Yum Yum bar ancho? ["Is that a chocolate Yum Yum bar in your pocket?"]
Connelly: Why, yes. It is a chocolate Yum Yum bar, Ms. Struthers [removes it from his coat pocker and waves it around], and there are several more where that came from. [Sally licks her lips. Connelly sees a trash can nearby and opens it, then dangles the bar over it] Of course, if you don't want to tell us about the Ethiopian boy...
Sally: Mmmmo na ka!
Connelly: [closes the trashcan and walks over with the candy bar] I'm... glad we can do business.
[Cartman's house, night. The boys are on the sofa watching TV. Cartman has the remote]
Stan: Come on, dude. There's gotta be somethin' about Starvin' Marvin in the news.
Cartman: Well, I can't find anything- wait. What's this? [a shot of Pat Robertson asking for pledges on the CBC channel.]
Pat: Uh, God wants you to send us money. He needs you to send us money so we can help others.
Cartman: Oh, my God, this guy again. ["What we do is- "]
Kyle: Why would anybody send this asshole money? ["-we go all around the world and-"]
Kenny: (To pay for the pockets on his peehole) [The boys laugh. "-we give Bibles and and, and..."]
Kyle: Yeh-hah. [They hear noise outside, and soon Marvin's ship crashes through the front wall of the house.]
Boys: Whoa! [They rush outside to see the rest of the ship. Cartman goes to see the damage]
Cartman: Oh! Aww! [Part of the second story of the house falls away.] Oh, weak! [Marvin hops down from the ship]
Kyle: Starvin' Marvin!
Marvin: Bongi groinit * *.
Kyle: He did take a ship.
Cartman: Well nice job, Marvin! I hope you got about a thousand dollars to pay for my house!
Marvin: Ingan *.
Stan: Dude, you're gonna get busted for taking this thing.
Marvin: Chede gwodum * * godom.
Kyle: I think he wants us to get in.
Stan: Kick ass! [Marvin returns to the pilot's seat; the others hop in and stand around him.] Wow, this thing is awesome!
Kyle: Let's go somewhere. [Marvin pulls the ship out of Cartman's house and flies low over the ground]
Singer: Soaring so high above the world,
Never thought I could be so free.
Stan: [the ship goes higher, over other cities] Wow!
Kyle: Yes!
Singer: I'm one with the birds, and magic is all I see.
Stan: This is great!
Cartman: Yeah, but where's that crappy song coming from? Could you turn that off? ["And it's a wonderful day 'cause something-"]
Marvin: [turns off the music] Gmmm?
Stan: Yeah, that's better.
[Ethiopia, day. A man tries to rise, but doesn't have the energy to do it]
Man: Oooh. [falls back on his pillow. Sister Hollis comes up]
Hollis: Hello? Howare we doing today? Look what I got for you.
Man: [quickly rising] Nn * wohg *?
Hollis: No, it's not food. It's a cross. [hands it to him] And it has your Christian name printed on it. From now on, you are Michael. Can you say "Michael"? [the man clicks and holds up the cross] Mmmi-chael. [the man clicks again] Oh, well. You'll get it. [walks away and heads over to a family of four] Hello, brother David. Do you have any sins to confess? [David does not respond, but a fly lands on his eye] Anybody? Sins to confess? Joshua? [he just looks up at her] You know, today I'm reminded of Psalm 46, line 39: "Though the mountains shake and th-" [the CIA agents walk up]
Connelly: Here they are!
Hollis: Who are you?
Connelly: We're with the American government! Sally Struthers told us where we'd find Marvin's parents!
Sphinx: Hello there, Mr. and Mrs. Clickclickderk. I think you know why we're here. [the family stares in horror]
[The Marklar ship, night. The boys are flying over a desert]
Kyle: No, dude, you don't wanna bring your people to Mexico, there's missionaries there, too.
Marvin: Blubedegub? [points to Utah on the map]
Cartman: No way, not Utah. Utah's nothin' but missionaries.
Stan: Dude, it looks like he's tried everywhere in the world. [the world map is shown]
Cartman: Well, he hasn't been here yet. Where's this? [presses a big red button on the left side of the display panel. The ship bucks and heads into space.]
Boys: Whooaaa! [the ship rolls sideways for a moment]
Stan: What the hell did you hit, Cartman?! [a wormhole appears before them, and they head for it]
Kyle: Oh, my God! What the hell is that thing?! [the ship races into the wormhole]
Boys: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa! [everything inside the ship begins to twist and warp] Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa! [more twisting and warping, and the ship races out of the wormhole into a star system with a green planet. Everything inside the ship is normal again]
Kyle: [gasps] Where are we?
Marvin: Gobin gobedo * * gowog. [the ship heads down into the atmosphere and then towards an island]
Stan: We're on like, some foreign planet.
Kyle: This place is rad. Look at all the trees and stuff.
Marvin: Gewhit * * Gewit um hebed wabaduh. Gabalah. [the ship descends to a plain next to a waterfall, and lands]
[Planet Marklar, day. The ship's windshield rolls back. The boys climb down and look around]
Marvin: Badak bladla buk.
Marklar Leader: Greetings. Welcome to Marklar.
Stan: Uh, thanks.
Marklar Leader: I am Marklar, leader of the Marklar.
Stan: U-uh, cool. My name is Stan, and a-uh, I'm the leader of Earth.
Marklar Leader: [bows] Marklar to you.
Stan: Cool!
Cartman: Ey! I'm the leader of Earth!
Stan Screw you, Cartman! I called leader first!
Cartman: Well, you can call leader 'til your ass bleeds, but that doesn't make it true! [the Marklar leader looks a bit confused. Marvin steps forward and smiles. The land around the group is green and lush, water is plentiful...]
Marklar Leader: We are very thankful to you for bringing our marklar back to us.
Kyle: [joins Marvin] Wait. I thought you called your planet Marklar.
Marklar Leader: Oh, here on Marklar, we refer to all people, places, and things as marklar.
Kyle: Well, our friend Marvin and all his people have to live on a part of Earth that sucks ass. They can't grow food or nothin'.
Stan: [Cartman looks in pleasant wonder] Yeah, so it would be really cool if you would let Marvin and all his people come live here.
Marklar Leader: Well, there is a lot of room on Marklar. If Marklar here wants to bring his marklar to Marklar, that would be fine. Just take our marklar back to Marklar and bring all the marklar back with you.
Stan: Uuh. Thanks.
Marvin: * *.
[Ethiopia, day. The agents are still drilling Marvin's family]
Connelly: Let's go through this one more time, Mr. and Mrs. Clickclickderk! Your son Marvin has the ship that we want! How can we get it from him? [the family sits still]
Sphinx: [switching places with Connelly] We are the CIA. That ship needs to be with us! Maybe we should just take something precious of yours, huh?! [lifts his shades and scans the area] Daha! [picks up a gourd and dangles it] This! This gourd-thingy, for instance. How do you like that, huh? If you ever wanna see this... little... thingy again, I suggest you contact your boy! [the family just looks at him. At that moment, the Marklar ship zooms over the little village, and the villagers raise a ruckus over Marvin's return. The ship stops and descends, engines roaring]
Sphinx: There it is! [Hollis covers her ears. The ship lands and everyone moves towards it. The windshield rolls back and the boys scramble down from the ship]
Marvin: Muwuhbuh * * mlamleblubluh mjek.
Connelly: Back away from the space craft, children!
Stan: Nno. No, it's okay. The ship took us to another planet. A beautiful, lush place called Marklar.
Kyle: Yeah. And the leader, he said that all the Ethiopians can go live there. [the Ethiopians all begin to speak]
Hollis: Alien race? Have they... heard the word of Christ?
Cartman: No, never. It's perfect.
Hollis: Ooh, no. Those poor souls. We must spread the Gospel to them. [hurries away]
Stan: What??
Marvin: *. [walks to Hollis] Mluglu dja mugm blugabeb * * *.
Kyle: Come on, Marvin! We've gotta get your people to Marklar before the missionaries do!
Connelly: You'll do nothing of the kind! This ship is now property of the United States Government!
Kyle: No! [agents rush in from all sides and some black helicopters appear over the space ship. Two FBI agents come and stand behind the boys.]
Marvin: [tugs at Hollis' dress] Dor dor binor hm ghm.
Sphinx: Call those boys' mothers. [Connelly starts dialing] I'm sure they'll be very interested in the trouble their boys have been up to.
Kyle: Oh, no, dude!
[CBC television studios. The CBC logo, a pair of angel wings topped by a halo, and CBC printed in front of them, fills the screen. Next comes "Christian Broadcasting Channel"]
Pat: ["TO PLEDGE CALL: 1-800-555-2717"] You know, Susan, the uh-there are so many great missionaries doing work, out there in in in-in parts of Africa, and uh we're trying to get Bibles to people all over the world. And what we need, is the help of everyone out there so that we can continue these, these projects. Now, listen to this, Susan. [a picture of Hollis with two Ethiopians appears over his right shoulder] Wha-one of our missionaries in North Africa has made an amazing discovery. U-u-uh a new planet, in the in the galaxy Alpha Seti VI, that has intelligent life on it.
Susan: Amazing.
Pat: Yeah. We're not sure what these hyper-intelligent beings look like, but one thing is for sure: they've never heard of Jesus Christ.
Susan: What can we do at the 600 Club to help those poor aliens?
Pat: Well, what we need, Susan, is we need money to build an interstellar cruiser. [a diagram of said cruiser appears over his shoulder: the XT-9000] Now, this space ship will be able to travel through a wormhole and deliver the message and guh-glory of Jesus Christ to those godless aliens. S-send your money now. Amen.
[Ethiopia. The agents are still investigating...]
Connelly: I want everyone to keep a safe distance from the craft until we can run some tests.
FBI Agent: [walks up] E-excuse me, gentlemen, uh Tom Brokaw is here to see you.
Sphinx: Tom Brokaw? Oh no, the press already? [the CIA agents walk over]
"Brokaw": [sounds like Cartman] Oh. Good day, gentlemen. [the yellow headband and the shape of the pant legs look familiar...]
Sphinx: Uh huh. [FBI agents gather behind him and Connelly] Mr. Brokaw, I presume.
"Brokaw": You presume wisely, sir. I'm here to get the big story, the big scoop. [Marvin tip-toes to the ship unnoticed] I understand that you've found some kind of ship from an alien race. [Marvin opens the cargo door and signals for his people to enter the ship. They start doing so] Seeing as though I am Pulitzer-prize-winning Tom Brokaw...
Connelly: Look, kid. Did you really think this was going to fool anybody? You don't look anything like Tom Brokaw.
"Brokaw": What?! Do you question my integritah?!
Kyle: [from the pants] I told you Tom Brokaw doesn't have a mustache, fatass!
"Brokaw": Buh-eh, ugh. I had some bad burritos today.
Marvin: * * wughum chughum * *, * *.
Connelly: [he and Sphinx remove the men's clothes from the boys] Alright boys. Time to get back to your quarters.
Stan: Oh. [the cargo door closes and Marvin is ready to take off]
Connelly: Son of a bitch!
Stan: Run for it!
Connelly: Get 'em! [two FBI agents move]
Cartman: Wah-ey. Come on you guys, wait!
Kyle: Watch out! Here I come!
Kenny: (Hey, you guys, I'm a little bit be-) [trips over a rock and lands on his face] (Oof.)
Kyle: Kenny!
Cartman: Forget him! He's done for! [Stan climbs up and looks back]
Stan: He's not done for, he's standing right there.
Kenny: (You guys, just fly away!)
Cartman: No, no, he's done for. Come on! [the windshield rolls down and the ship takes off. It zooms into the distance, then straight up into space. The helicopters could not catch up]
Sphinx: [holding Kenny] Nooo!
Connelly: Damnit, damnit, damnit!
[The Marklar ship, space. The ship speeds away from Earth.]
Stan: Alright, we made it!
Kyle: Okay, Marvin. Time to take your people to their new home!
Marvin: Gakchak ghm. [a blast is felt inside. Its impact site is near the cockpit]
Kyle: What was that? [the CBC's XT-9000 appears behind them. Inside, Sister Hollis is manning the bridge, with another woman and four men.]
Hollis: This is the Missionary 600. We have you locked on "fire: ready." Turn back right now. [another shot is fired, and the Marklar ship is hit again.]
Boys: Aaaa!
Ethiopians: [tossed to one side of the cargo bay] Whoa!
Stan: They're shooting at us.
Kyle: Quick, Marvin. Get us to Marklar.
Marvin: [tries all the buttons, including the red one, but to no avail] Midik, gmanjaum * *.
Kyle: Well, how'd we do it last time??
Stan: Cartman just hit the button, and the ship flew itself.
Kyle: Which button did you press, Cartman??
Cartman: U-u-huh. I don't remember.
Kyle: You don't remember?!
Stan: You dumbass, Cartman!
Cartman: Hey, I was under duress! Maybe it waaas this one. [presses the big red button]
Singer: Soaring so high above the world.
The Boys: Aawwww!
Singer: Never-
[The Missionary 600, still pursuing the Marklar ship]
Hollis: The ship seems to be made out of a... super-strong alloy. These lasers aren't powerful enough.
[The 600 Club, Pat Robertson reporting]
Pat: Everyone, the Word of God is going around the world and all your help is so greatly appreciated. Eh-oo What we need now is an argon crystal laser. [the 900txl] Eh you see, an argon crystal laser can pierce thick space holes in a way that other lasers just can't. Send your money now. Uuh-I th-thank you.
[Ethiopia, day. Feed The Children Foundation. The agents are talking to Sally Struthers]
Sally: [eating her way through a box of food relief] Onadonakami?
Connelly: Ms. Struthers, we understand that you have a ship of your own. One capable of interstellar travel.
Sally: Chewmbacca vije dai gwo. ["Maybe I do, and maybe I don't."]
Sphinx: We need to use your ship to catch those boys. We will do anything for that technology.
Sally: Juodo nakahobi? Ho ho ho ho. ["Why should I help you?"]
Sphinx: Ms. Struthers, if those Ethiopians make it to another planet, who will send money to your foundation? Without Ethiopians, you have no food.
Sally: Wo? Wo chaka gom??
Connelly: Oh, that won't be a problem, Ms. Struthers. We have... collateral. [steps aside and brings Kenny in]
Kenny: (Oh my God, I get it.)
Sally: Oh ho ho ho ho ho ho. [a small creature pops out and laughs]
[The Missionary 600, still pursuing the Marklar ship]
Hollis: I have the infidels in my sight. [the Marklar ship tries evasive maneuvers, but it is hit again.]
Cartman: Holy shit!
Ethiopians: [tossed to the other side of the cargo bay] Whoa!
Marvin: Doye dondabuh. [swings the ship around and fires two blasts at the Missionary 600]
Crew: Aaah.
Hollis: Holy crap, they have photon torpedoes.
[The 600 Club, Pat Robertson reporting]
Pat: Uhnow, our deflector shields are useless against phorton torpedoes, and we really need your support on this one, folks. Here at the 600 Club we need your money to spread the Word of Jesus, and build more advanced deflector shields for our galactic cruiser. Call now, and we'll give you this free pin. [a CBC logo pin]
[Space. The Missionary 600 and the Marklar ship now do battle. Marvin fires at the Missionaary 600 twice more.]
600 Crew: Aaah.
Stan: You got 'em, Marvin.
Kyle: Yeah, now finish 'em off! [a huge junker comes up behind and fires at them]
Computer: [female voice] Warning. Deflector shields failing.
Kyle: Where did that come from??
Sally: Ho ho ho ho. [the CIA agents stand behind her, and two other men are at the helm]
Connelly: Good! Now get them in our tractor beam! [the beam is activated and holds the Marklar ship in place. The Missionary 600 comes around and faces the Marklar ship]
Hollis: Now we've got 'em! [in the Marklar ship, the boys look at the screen...]
Sally: Ho ho ho ho.
Cartman: It's Sally Struthers!
Hollis: Well, it appears they'll be going back to Ethiopia, so we can go on to the aliens.
Kyle: Sorry, Marvin. We tried.
Cartman: Wait. Ms. Struthers? Ms. Struthers!
Sally: Wo?
Cartman: Ms. Struthers, please. Just listen to me for one second. You started the Feed the Children Foundation for wonderful reasons: to help starving, helpless people who live in a rotten part of the world. Well, it's for those reasons we wanna help our friend Marvin now. [Sally looks moved]
Sally: Holna chewbacca? ["Because of me?"]
Sphinx: Ms. Struthers, don't forget the gift we gave you: the child in carbonite. [points. The camera pans over to a panel which shows Kenny encased in carbonite]
Sally: Dama doko nou na oh. ["Let him speak."]
Cartman: Ms. Struthers. You helped so many people, and you've taught us that helping people is what life is all about. All we wanna do is... be like you. [Sally considers Cartman's statements for a moment, then...]
Sally: Oh, foada! ["You're right!" She presses a button, and the tractor beam switches off the Marklar ship and on the Missionary 600]
600 Crew: [the bridge jerks a bit] Whoa! [the beam pulls the Missionary 600 closer to the junker.]
Cartman: She bought it.
Stan: Sally Struthers is saving us!
[The 600 Club, Pat Robertson reporting]
Pat: Uh, now, now, stay with me on this one, folks. Uh, Sally Struthers has a Tiberian junker [pictured in a window], which is uh the favorite ship of the Hutts, and she has trapped oureh, our our new CBC ship in an uh [struggling] poe-sitronic tractor beam. [a stage hand holds up this cue card that reads: Tractor Beam, so we're gonna need a Ionic Tractor Disruptor] Uh, so we're gonna need an ionic tractor disruptor. Now now, not a regular ionic di- tractor disruptor, but a negative ionic tractor disruptor to uh, help spread the Word of Jesus. [to Susan, softly] I don't have a fucking idea up here.
[Space. The junker is busy pulling the Missionary 600 in. The Marklar ship is free to leave]
Stan: Now's our chance!
Cartman: Wait. I remember. It was the red button! [presses it, and the ship zooms away. The wormhole appears again and the ship head for it]
Hollis: They've opened the wormhole!
Kyle: It's pulling us in! [the junker and the Missionary 600 give chase. All three ships enter the wormhole, and all experience its warping effects.]
Boys: Aaaah!
600 Crew: Aaaah! [the ships rush out of the wormhole and into Alpha Seti VI, near the Marklar planet]
[Marklar. The ship land. The Missionary 600 has to lean to one side. All parties are out of their ships]
Kyle: Marvin... [everyone talks at once]
Marklar: Please, please, please. We are confused. You must explain one at a Marklar.
Hollis: Alien friend, we are here to spread the Word of Jesus. He died for your sins.
Marklar: Who? Marklar?
Stan: We brought Marvin and his people to live here, but these buttholes followed us.
Marklar: Brought m- marklar??
Hollis: What is "marklar"?
Marklar: Yyou're marklar; everyone and everything is referred to as marklar.
Sphinx: Doesn't that get confusing?
Marklar: Oh no. Watch this. Hey, Marklar!
Marklar: [in orange robe] Yes?
Marklar: You see?
Kyle: [steps forward] Wait. Wait. I think I can explain this whole thing. Marklar, these marklars want to change your marklar. They don't want Marklar or any of these marklars to live here because it's bad for their marklar. They use Marklar to try and force marklars to believe they're marklar. If you let them stay here, they will build marklars and marklars. They will take all your marklars and replace them with Marklar. These marklar have no good marklar to live on Marklar, so they must come here to Marklar. Please, let these marklars stay where they can grow and prosper without any marklars, marklars, eh or marklars.
Marklar: Young marklar, your marklars are wise and true.
Hollis: What the hell did he say?
Stan: [hushed] Wow! Good job, dude!
Kyle: Thanks.
Marklar: The marklars can stay!
Ethiopians: Wooo!
Boys: Alright!
Cartman: Alright,
Marklar: You marklars must leave.
Hollis: But you will all burn forever in eternal hellfire. [she and the other woman are taken away]
Marklar: Yes, that's nice. Thank you for stopping by.
Stan: Well Marvin, it was sure cool seeing you again.
Marvin: Chak chak glika gm gm guchab mglup.
Kyle: No, we gotta go. Sally Struthers is gonna give us a ride back to Earth.
Sally: Bwo chaaga bi.
Boys: [leaving] Goodbye, Marvin.
Marvin: Chak chak m geteaub m * *.
Stan: Maybe we'll come and visit sometime.
Cartman: Yeah, and maybe Jesse Jackson will be President, heh.
Stan: Dude!
Cartman: What? We're not gonna come visit him.
Stan: I know, but you don't tell him that!
Cartman: T'heh, whatever. [the Ethiopians chatter over their new home and head for the lake at the foot of the waterfall]
DVDA:

[End of Starvin' Marvin In Space]
[I am Chewbacca
I am a Wookie
I am Chewbacca
I have no home
My home is where
My spirit goes]


  311: "Starvin' Marvin in Space" edit
Story Elements

MarklarAustraliaSally Struthers Starvin' MarvinCBC NetworkEthiopian TribeFederal Bureau of Investigation • "Soaring So High" • "I Am Chewbacca"

Media

ImagesScriptWatch Episode

Release

South Park: The Complete Third Season

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