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The official script for "Starvin' Marvin" was released by South Park Studios. It is located here!

Cast

Script

Starvin' Marvin
Cartman's House. The boys are watching television and laughing.
Stan
That was awesome!
Kyle
Yeah!
Liane
Would you boys like some Cheesy Poofs?
Cartman
Get out of the way mah! The Terrance and Phillip Thanksgiving Special is on.
Liane
Sure hon.
Cartman
And yeah, we want Cheesy Poofs!
Terrance and Phillip have just landed.
Phillip
Hey Terrance! Looks like this might be a good place to start a new colony.
Terrance
It sure does Phillip. No one will oppress our religion here.
Farts.
Phillip
AAAAAH!
Laughter. The boys are now enjoying their Cheesy Poofs.
Phillip
Aaah! You stained my pilgrim hat butt-pipe!
Cartman
Did you guys see that? That was sweet.
TV Announcer
Coming up next on the Terrance and Phillip Thanksgiving Special, Phillip farts on Terrance, and laughs.
Kyle
Oh, cool.
TV Announcer
And now a word from our sponsor.
Sally Struthers
Here in the heart of Africa children are dying. Not from disease or war, but from hunger. I'm Sally Struthers. These children are in desperate need, and only you can help.
Stan
Hey, who's that fat chick?
Kyle
Sally Struthers, dude. She used to be on Full House.
Stan
Oh.
Sally Struthers
You see, here, in the middle of Africa, food is extremely scarce.
Stan
Doesn't look like she's having any trouble finding food.
Kyle
Yeah, she's fatter than Cartman.
Cartman
Yeah, HEY!
Sally Struthers
For just five dollars a month you can sponsor a child.
Cartman
That's stupid, who the hell would want to do that?
Sally Struthers
Sponsor now and we'll also send you this Teiko digital sports watch as a free gift.
Cartman
KICK ASS!!
Stan
SWEET!
Kenny
(Woohoo!)
Stan
I'll call. I know my mom's credit card number.
Stan dials up the number.
Kyle
Did they say if it's waterproof?
Stan
Hello? Is this Sally Struthers?
Listens for the answer.
Stan
Oh.
Kyle
What did she say?
Stan
Shut up butt-pirate, I'm trying to hear.
Kyle
Ass-rammer.
Stan
Yeah? Yeah. We want to adopt a starving Ethernopian.
Cartman
When do we get the sports watch?
Stan
Just a second fat-ass!
Cartman
You vas-deferens!
Stan
Hello? No, no, it's a ma- [To his friends, confused.] Vas-deferens?
Kenny
(Dude, it's a pipe for your peepee)
Stan
Oh.
Kyle
Ask her if we get the watch right away.
Stan
Do we get the sports watch right away?
Pause.
Stan
She says we do.
All
Cool.
Cartman
I get to wear it first, you guys.
Mr. Garrison's Classroom.
Kyle
I can't wait to get out of school and get our Teiko sports watch.
Cartman
Yeah, but I get to wear it first, I said.
Mr. Garrison
Children, children! To honor this special time of year we'll be doing a canned food drive. Does anybody know what a canned food drive is?
Cartman raises his hand.
Mr. Garrison
Yes, Eric?
Cartman
When they cut up a chick's stomach to get a baby out?
Mr. Garrison
Noo, that's a Caesarian Section Eric, but that's okay, remember, there are no stupid questions, just stupid people.
Eric listens.
Mr. Garrison
A canned food drive is when we collect canned food for poor people who can't afford to eat on Thanksgiving.
Stan
You mean, like Kenny?
Mr. Garrison
Exactly.
Cartman
Mr. Garrison? Why do poor people always smell like sour milk?
Mr. Garrison
[Impatiently.] I don't know Eric, they just do.
Kyle sniffs at Kenny. Kenny withdraws.
Mr. Garrison
Now children, I want each of you to bring in one can of food. And later, the mayor of South Park will divide it up amongst Kenny's family and other poor people.
Cartman
I'm not bringin' in food for poor people, Screw them!
Wendy
Don't you want to help those who are less fortunate?!
Cartman
Hey you guys, do you hear something?! Ah- I think I hear the flower children calling!
Wendy
This is the one time of year you're supposed to care about people who can't eat!
Cartman
Isn't it enough that I pay taxes?! What about the poor houses that, that I pay for?!
Wendy
Many would rather die than go to those places!
Cartman
Well then, perhaps they should, and decrease the surplus population!
Mr. Garrison
Okay kids, that's enough Dickens for one day. Let's get on with our lesson, right Mr. Hat?
Mr. Hat
That's right, Mr. Garrison, Englebert Humperdink was the first person on the moon, who was the second?
A pack of wild turkeys burst into the classroom.
Clyde
Aaaah!
Mr. Garrison climbs atop his desk.
Mr. Garrison
What the hell is going on?!
The turkeys are tearing up the classroom. One of them rips up a Thanksgiving poster and takes it with him.
Clyde
Aaaah!
A turkey overturns Clyde's desk, dumping Clyde on the ground. Some others vandalize the blackboard. Just as suddenly as they entered, the turkeys exit, closing the door behind them. Silence ensues.
Mr. Garrison
Well, you don't see that everyday.
City Hall.
Mayor McDaniels
Okay. Now, once we have all the canned foods collected we'll need some clever way to distribute them to the poor.
Aide 2
It should be something festive.
Mephesto and Kevin burst into the office.
Mephesto
Mayor, we've got a very big problem.
Mayor McDaniels
Ahh, you're that insane genetic engineer from up on the hill, right?
Mephesto
Yes, and I may have made a horrible mistake. I was trying to genetically engineer turkeys for Thanksgiving.
Mayor McDaniels
[Warily.] Uh huh.
Mephesto
You know, to provide food for the needy.
Mayor McDaniels
[Sarcastically.] Of course.
Aide 1 glances at her.
Mephesto
Well, something went wrong and the turkeys broke free. And the worst part is, they're REALLY pissed off.
Mayor McDaniels twirls her chair around and twirls her finger 'round her ear.
Mayor McDaniels
Naturally.
Her aides snicker, then she turns again.
Mayor McDaniels
Oh, do go on.
Mephesto
We have to stop them or, or they could destroy everything. Time is short.
Mayor McDaniels turns around and pulls out a cuckoo clock, which chimes a couple of times. Her aides snicker. Aide 2 has his ears wiggling. She puts the clock away and the aide stops his ears.
Mayor McDaniels faces Mephesto again.
Mayor McDaniels
You were saying?
Mephesto
They act just like normal turkeys, except they're evil.
Mayor McDaniels
[With feigned shock.] Oh, my!
Turns around and pulls out a donkey, which heehaws a couple of times. Her aides chuckle.
Mephesto having observed how the Mayor was reacting to him.
Mephesto
Somehow I don't think you're taking me seriously.
Mayor McDaniels
Uh now why would you say that?
Cartman's house. The kids burst through the front door.
Everybody
Did it come? Did it come? Is it here yet?
Cartman
I get to use it first you guys! Mom, did our digital sports watch come yet?
Liane
[Peeks.] Not yet hon.
Stan
Damn.
Kyle
Hey, look you guys.
TV Announcer
And now, back to Part 2 of the Terrance and Phillip Thanksgiving Special.
They are in a snowed-in town.
Terrance
I sure am cold, Phillip.
Phillip
Yes, and hungry too. Being a pilgrim totally sucks ass.
Terrance
Gosh, I hope we don't starve.
Phillip farts a high one and Terrance laughs.
Phillip
Ah, a squeaker!
The boys laugh and then the doorbell rings, and a couple of knocks follow. The boys stand stiff not knowing what to do until...
Kyle bolts to the door.
Kyle
The digital sports watch is here.
The kids open the door smiling in anticipation. An emaciated Ethiopian kid stands looking back at them, with baggage in hand. Their smiles turn into surprises. The postal truck takes off.
Cartman
What the hell?
Stan
Dude, that's not a digital sports watch.
Kyle
Hey, it looks like one of those Etheropians.
Stan
Oh man, they must have accidentally sent him instead of the sports watch.
Kyle
Maybe they took it literally when we said we wanted to adopt a kid.
The Ethiopian 'speaks' and clicks something.
Kyle
Whoa! That was cool.
Stan
Yeah, how did he make those clicking sounds?
Kyle
What's your name dude?
The Ethiopian Kid clicks something ending with,
Kid
Mabin.
Stan
I think he said his name is Marvin.
Cartman
Yeah, Starvin' Marvin.
Kyle steps out with Stan and shakes Marvin's hand.
Kyle
Nice to meet you Starvin' Marvin.
Cartman
Hey mooom?
Liane
Yes hon?
Cartman
We found a Etheropian, can we keep him?
Liane
Sure, hon.
Cartman
Sweet.
Cartman steps outside with Kenny.
Stan
Dude, let's bring him to school tomorrow.
Kyle
Come on Starvin' Marvin, I want you to meet my little brother.
Cartman
No no! He's my son! I adopted him.
Stan
It was my mom's credit card.
Kyle
Okay, okay, wewe'll switch off. Starvin' Marvin can stay here for a week, then at Stan's, then with me.
Cartman
Yeah, and never with Kenny, because his family is too poor.
Kyle
Totally.
Kenny slugs Cartman.
Cartman
Ahh!
Stark's Pond. A couple is walking near the pond. Romantic music is playing.
Woman
Look how the leaves fall so delicately on the surface of the pond. It's so beautiful.
Man
Not as beautiful as you.
Woman
[Swooning.] Ooooh.
The couple embraces and kisses as a horde of turkeys storm the pond. The guy hears them and looks over her shoulder.
Man
Oh darling, look. Thanksgiving turkeys.
Woman
Oohh, they're so beautiful.
Man
Not as beautiful as you.
Woman
Look at the way they foam at the mouth, like beautiful suds of beer.
Man
Not as beautiful as-
The turkeys attack the couple, stripping their clothes off. Screams are heard as the turkeys overwhelm the couple.
King Jimmy's All You Can Eat Buffet. The price is right. The boys and their families are there with Marvin.
Stan
This is a great way for you to experience America Starvin' Marvin. This is what we call an 'all you can eat buffet.'
Cartman
Yeah. Here you get to eat all you want for only $6.99. That's why we all come here on Tuesday nights, except for Kenny's family 'cause to them $6.99 is two-years income.
The crowd laughs.
Cartman
Why is your family poor Starvin' Marvin? Is your dad an alcoholic too?
A waiter places a plate of shrimp in front of Cartman.
Cartman
You see Starvin' Marvin, these are what we call appetizers.
Marvin
Ap-ee-tizer.
Cartman
This is what you eat before you eat, to make you more hungry.
A waiter approaches with plates of ham, turkey, and drumsticks.
Cartman
Welp, food is here, that's it for the appetizers.
He tosses the plate of shrimp into a trash can. The shrimp don't make it in. He, Liane, and Stan work on the drumsticks, Randy slices into the turkey, and Kyle is slicing some ham for himself (!). Marvin reaches for a pot-pie on Cartman's plate.
Cartman
No Starvin' Marvin, that's my pot-pie.
Stan
Cartman, you butt-pipe, this is the time of year you're supposed to share.
Cartman
Oh yeah, you're right.
eyes a slice of pie sitting before Marvin.
Are you gonna eat all of your peach cobbler? No, you don't want all that, why don't you share it with me, man? [Heading to a whisper.] Just slide that right on over here. Let me just have some of that here...
Mr. Garrison's Classroom.
Mr. Garrison
Children, children! I'm a little disappointed in your Thanksgiving spirit. Only a few cans have been donated to our canned food drive.
He reaches into the box of canned goods.
Mr. Garrison
And can't we do a little better than ... Creamed Corn ... uh ... Creamed Corn ... and ... Creamed Corn?
The class stares back blankly.
Mr. Garrison
Please bring in more diverse food children or else Kenny's family is going to have a pretty corny Thanksgiving.
Silence. Mr. Garrison begins laughing.
Mr. Garrison
Corny...Gravy...Corny Thanksgiving, hoo. Hahhaa. Anyway children, I understand a few of you have brought in something special for show-and-tell.
Stan
Yeah, yeah, we do!
Cartman
Yeah, that's right.
Kyle
We do!
Mr. Garrison
All right boys, show us what you've brought.
The boys walk to the front of the class with Marvin.
Kyle
This is our new Ethernopian, Starvin' Marvin.
Marvin looks inside the food box.
Stan
He can do really cool stuff with his voice. Show 'em Starvin' Marvin.
Marvin pulls out a can of food.
Cartman takes it away and puts it back.
Cartman
No, Starvin' Marvin, that's Kenny's creamed corn.
Marvin takes it back out.
Cartman
No Starvin' Marvin, that's a bad Starvin' Marvin!
Mr. Garrison
Boys, what the hell are you doing?! This is horribly, horribly wrong. How did you get this child?
Stan
He was accidentally delivered to us instead of a sports watch.
Mr. Garrison
The sports watch from the commercial?
Kyle
Yeah, that one.
Bebe
I want a Starvin' Marvin.
Clyde
Me too.
Pip
Yes, I'll pay fifty dollars for one.
Class
Yeah, I want one too, yeah me, me.
Mr. Garrison
Boys, you're too young to take care of a child! I'm afraid I'm going to have to call the Red Cross and have him returned.
Kyle
Ah, I told you we shouldn't have brought him to school dude.
Principal Victoria's Office.
Principal Victoria
Okay, thank you very much. Yes, you can pick him up tonight. Bye now.
She hangs up the phone and addresses the boys.
Principal Victoria
Now boys, I hope you've learned your lesson.
Stan
No.
Principal Victoria
You can't care for this child!
Kyle
But I thought we were supposed to care on Thanksgiving.
Principal Victoria
Yes, but you don't actually get involved with the child's life. You're supposed to just send money, and once in a while they write you a letter. You see, Marvin didn't grow up in a normal place like South Park.
Stan
So why can't he live here now?
Principal Victoria
Because he can't!
Kyle
Because why?
Principal Victoria
Because eight-year olds can't be parents!
Kyle
Then you take care of him.
Principal Victoria
[on the spot] I can't, I, umm...I'm very busy.
Silence.
Principal Victoria
I send my five dollars a month, see?
Demonstrating her Teiko watch.
Stan
This sucks, Starvin' Marvin is our friend.
Cartman
Oh well, back to the poor country with you.
Kyle
You better watch what you say Cartman! You might be poor and hungry some day.
Cartman
B-huh, huh. Yeah, right.
Genetic Engineering Ranch.
Mephesto
I knew that you were the only person who would listen to me Chef.
Chef
Yeah, well, let's get it over with. This place gives me the booboojeebees.
Mephesto
Look here in my microscope; tell me what you see.
Chef
Uhh, I seee...an extreme close up of ...Vanessa Redgrave's private parts.
Mephesto
Oh, whoops.
He quickly switches slides.
Mephesto
Now tell me what you see.
Chef
Well, I'm no biologist, but I'd say it looks like turkey DNA.
Mephesto
Precisely, but look how rapidly it's dividing.
Chef
What does it mean?
Mephesto
Means the turkeys are growing at an exponential rate. If we don't destroy them all, they'll take over the town. Maybe the world.
Chef
Oh, fudge!
Chef ponders for a moment.
Chef
Uhh, let me see that Vanessa Redgrave thing again.
Mephesto
Sure.
He switches slides again.
Cartman's house. Marvin is sitting alone on the couch watching TV. Secret service agents enter the house. Outside, a helicopter flies around with its searchlight on.
Agent 1
Hello there little boy, we're looking for a starving African child who was accidentally sent here instead of a Teiko sports watch.
Marvin points towards Cartman's room. The agents go forth.
Cartman
Hey, hey, what's going on?!
The agents have him in a duffle bag and are dragging him out of the house.
Cartman
Hey, let go of me! God-! Ey! I'll kick you in the nuts. D'you hear me?!
Returning to Marvin.
Agent 1
Here's your sports watch son, sorry for the mix-up.
Cartman
Hey! Hey seriously! Hey, you're pissing me off, Starvin' Marvin!
A truck door closes.
Marvin
Sweet.
Outside the Library.
Mayor McDaniels
So how does this thing work?
Aide
Well mayor, it's based on the cash grab, but instead of money, the cans of food are blown around inside the capsule. The POV inside catches as many as he can to feed his family.
Mayor McDaniels
POVVVV?
Aide
Poverty stricken citizen.
Mayor McDaniels
Ohhoho, brilliant.
A horde of turkeys rush the square and attack a fake turkey and a Pilgrim hat.
Mayor McDaniels
Daah!! What the hell is this!!
The turkeys go through the crowd attacking people.
Aide
I don't know mayor, I don't think it's listed on the program.
Mephesto joins them.
Mephesto
They're increasing in number mayor. These are the vicious turkeys I warned you about.
Chef
It's a, Ih-ihit's true mayor! Those turkeys just ripped apart my cafeteria!
A platoon of turkeys march by.
Chef
Whooa! You won't get away with this, you bastards!
Kyle
Wow! Those are some pissed off turkeys!
Mayor McDaniels, alarmed, steps up to the mic.
Mayor McDaniels
OKAY PEOPLE, DON'T PANIC! BRING OUT THE DEFENSE SQUAD!
Jimbo and Ned enter, armed with rifles. They start firing away, and turkeys go down left and right.
Mephesto
We need more than that! They'll only come back in increased numbers!
Cartman's House. Marvin is taking up Cartman's habits. On TV, Terrance and Phillip are reenacting the first Thanksgiving.
Terrance
Hey Phillip, could you pass the beans?
Phillip
Beans? Uh oh, looks like we'll be at war with these Indians soon.
Terrance attempts to squeeze one off.
Terrance
Huh, eh,
Phillip offers to help.
Terrance
wait wait wait.
He tries some more.
Terrance
Eh, eh.
And some more.
Terrance
Here it comes, ehhhh.
A long squeeky fart bursts forth.
Terrance
Daaaah, I crapped in my pants!
Phillip
Aaaah.
Laughter.
Phillip
I think you got some spatter on Chief Running Wolf.
Laughter.
Terrance
I spattered his face!
Laughter.
Phillip
Now he's a smelly Indian.
Laughter.
TV Announcer
We'll be back to part 14 of the Terrance and Phillip Thanksgiving Special, right after this.
Sally Struthers
Hunger is an enemy that we all must fight. These children desperately need your support.
Cartman walking around in the background.
Cartman
Hey, somebody get me out of here! This sucks!
Sally Struthers
So please, call and adopt a child today.
Cartman
I'm seriously getting pissed off over here!!
Liane
You want some more Cheesy Poofs hon?
Marvin
Yeah, I want da Cheesy Poof.
Liane
Okay.
Marvin
Sweet.
Ethiopian Desert. A vulture is flying overhead, awaiting its next meal to die.
Cartman
Eh, This is serious bullshit! There has to be a Happy Burger around here somewhere.
He approaches a group of Ethiopians.
Cartman
Excuse me, I am a lost little boy, could you help me?
They stare back blankly.
Cartman
Well, screw you too!
Suddenly in a swarm of flies.
Cartman
What the?! Who the hell let all these flies in here?! Hasn't anybody ever heard of insect repellent?!
He walks away.
The Library. The B and second R have slipped a bit.
Mayor McDaniels
All right everyone, it's time to give out canned food to the poor, haa.
The crowd cheers.
Stan
Hey, where's Cartman?
Kyle
I don't know. Do you know where he is, Marvin?
Marvin shrugs.
Mayor McDaniels
Looks like we have the turkey problem under control. It's time to embrace the spirit of giving with the canned food grab.
The crowd cheers.
Mayor McDaniels
Come on, hurry up.
Kenny enters the "Grab-O-Lux"
Mrs. McCormick
Grab a lot son.
Mayor McDaniels
Have a happy Thanksgiving! Let 'er rip!
Air is pumped in to raise the cans, but Kenny goes up as well and floats around. Status indicator flash on and off.
Mayor McDaniels
Cuhome on, grab those cans little boy!
Stan, Kyle
Come on, Kenny!
Stuart waving his beer bottle.
Stuart McCormick
Come on, son!
Mayor McDaniels
Now, let's see all the goodies you're going to take home to your family.
She switches off the Grab-o-lux with the remote control, and Kenny and the cans drop to the floor. He gets up and exits.
Mayor McDaniels
It...looks like he got a... a-a can of- string beans. Hehe.
The crowd cheers, but the sound of turkeys fills the air.
Chef
What the-?!
Stan
Dude, the mutant turkeys are back!
The turkeys charge over a hill.
Officer Barbrady
Okay people, move along, nothing to see here you looky-loos.
Mephesto
I tried to tell you, but you didn't listen.
Chef comes up and addresses the crown.
Chef
Gather around everybody, and listen good. Go to your homes and arm your...
Chef looks down at Mephesto's companion, Kevin. The turkeys continue their attack.
Chef
What the hell are you supposed to be anyway?
Mephesto
That's not important right now.
Chef
No! What the hell is this little thing supposed to be? It doesn't look like anything.
Mayor McDaniels
Chef, the turkeys!
Chef
Oh, All right. Listen up everybody, and listen good. Go to your homes and arm yourselves with whatever you can. We'll meet back here in fifteen minutes. Hurry!
The turkeys continue their attack.
Chef
We are not going to let our Thanksgiving be ruined by a bunch of turkeys.
Ethiopian Desert. Cartman walks slowly.
Cartman
Damn, you guys, seriously, I'm hungry. I have to eat.
He sees a Red Cross van is in the distance. Ethiopians gather round it.
Cartman
Ah, sweet! The Red Cross!
He approaches the van.
Cartman
I'll have fried chicken and a side of mashed potatoes please.
Red Cross Dude
Sorry kid, but we're out of food. We ran out of funding.
The female partner is putting some things away.
Cartman
What?!
Red Cross Dude
We just couldn't get enough sponsors back home, so now we've got to pack it up.
Cartman
But I'm not a starving Etheropian! I have to get back home too!
Now behind the van ready to leave.
Red Cross Dude
Sorry dude, we just don't have any funds. Here, have a Teiko sports watch.
He tosses Cartman a watch and hops into the van. The van drives off.
Cartman
WEEEEEEAK!!!
In the woods near South Park. The screen is reduced to a wide screen format, so you know a movie reference is coming. The town is assembled for battle as the Mayor speaks.
Mayor McDaniels
People, we all have to do our part against the evil turkeys.
Townsperson 1
There's too many of them.
Mayor McDaniels
Come on! Where is that Thanksgiving spirit?!
Townsperson 2
We can't stop them.
Chef rides up on a brown steed. His face is painted blue and white. He is wearing Scottish garb, wielding a sword and shield à la Braveheart.
Chef
Today, you fight for your city! You fight for your honor! These turkeys will continue to push until they have taken everything from us! These fudged up turkeys from the the crustaceous era can take our lives, but they can never take...our FREEDOM!!!
Now pumped for battle.
Crowd
Wooo, yeahhh, woo.
On a nearby hill the pack of turkeys is gathered together. One turkey is also painted in blue and white.
Leader Turkey
Gobble, gobble. Gobble gobble. Gob, gobble. Gob, gob, gob, Gobble!!
The other turkeys gobble like mad, then sally forth. The town residents stand ready for battle as the turkeys descend into the valley.
Kyle
Here you go turkeys!
Kyle moons the turkey forces.
The town force descends, the mayor and an aide stay behind.
Mayor McDaniels
Does my hair look okay?
Ethiopian Desert. The vulture still circles...
Cartman
Can't go on... need... appetizer... eh...
He looks up to the sky for relief.
Cartman
I'm sorry, God, I'm sorry I mocked poor people. I'm sorry I wasn't more sensitive. Please, Please God, uhh.
He falls forward to the ground. After a few seconds he lifts his head.
Cartman
Heh, my god has forsaken me. Eh, err.
He sees something. A lone building stands in the distance. Cartman approaches. A sign reads, "No Admittance".
Cartman
Huh, I wonder what's in here?
Cartman opens the door and faces towers of Cheesy Poofs, Snacky Cakes, Boogie Bars and Veal Roll-Ups. "Alleluyah" is playing. Cartman stands in awe, then is overjoyed.
Cartman
SNACKY CAKES!! MMMM!
He rubs up against them lovingly. He sees a large-screen TV and a potted plant, and walks towards them. He then looks to his right and sees Sally Struthers feasting on some cake and two Ethiopians fanning her with palm fronds. She sees him and stops eating. Cartman is mad.
Cartman
Sally Struthers?!
Sally Struthers
Who the hell are you?!
Cartman
Gimme that cake!
Sally Struthers
Nooho, this is my cake!
Cartman
No Sally Struthers, you gimme that cake!
Sally Struthers
NOO! You can't have any!
Cartman
No Sally Struthers, that's my cake eh-ehhhh!
After some more whining he opens the door and sees some Ethiopians passing by.
Cartman
You guys, Sally Struthers is holding food from us!!!
They turn to look at him.
Sally Struthers
Uh oh.
She just can't eat that cake fast enough.
South Park Forest. The battle continues. The turkeys fight valiently, but many are falling. Ike beheads a turkey. Marvin looks on and scratches his head.
Chef
Stay close children.
His shield blocks one turkey as he slays another.
Stan, Kyle, Kenny
Yeaaa!
Turkey's rush Kenny.
Kenny
(O-Oh.)
One turkey manages to extract Kenny's eyeball as the others kill him outright. They speed away with pieces of him.
Stan
Oh my god, they've killed Kenny!
Kyle
You bastards!
Jimbo
The last three are getting away, shoot 'em Ned.
Ned picks off the remaining three birds.
Stan
We did it!!
As the town celebrates, some townsfolk are still beating on the birds, one of them with a large mallet.
Mephesto
My God, what have we done?
Chef
We've saved Thanksgiving!
Mephesto
But all those poor turkeys, theh- they're all dead.
Chef
Every turkey dies, not every turkey truly lives.
Mephesto
As horrible as they were theh- they felt like a part of me. Perhaps I shouldn't be toying with God's creations, perhaps I should-
Chef
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Two secret service agents approach Chef and Barbrady, ignoring the carnage.
Agent 2
Excuse me sir, we're looking for a little starving Ethiopian boy who was accidentally delivered to South Park instead of a Teiko sports watch.
Showing a picture of Marvin.
Agent 1
Have you seen anyone fitting this description.
Officer Barbrady
Oh, that could be a hundred kids in this town mister.
Marvin approaches the two agents.
Agent 1
There you are. Are you ready to go home now?
Marvin looks at Mr. Garrison, then at Chef, then at Officer Barbrady. He quickly shakes an affirmative. The agents lead him away, but he turns back to get some turkeys. Stan and Kyle look on as Kenny's corpse lies motionless behind them.
Stan
Wow, it sucks he has to leave.
Kyle
Yeah, I like him a lot more than Cartman.
Stan
You know, I think I've learned something today. It's really easy not to think of images on TV as real people.
Kenny's head moves.
Stan
But they are. That's why it's easy to ignore those commercials, but, people on TV are just as real as you or I.
Kyle
Yeah.
A rat moves in and out of Kenny's empty eye socket, then scurries away.
Kyle
And that means that McGyver is a real person too.
Ethiopian Desert. Three Red Cross workers are present.
Red Cross Chick
We're terribly sorry about the mix-up little boy. We'll get you back home immediately.
Cartman
That's right you will, God-Damnit.
A male agent checks his watch.
Cartman
Move it POVs, I'm an American!
A plane lands. Marvin exits the plane.
Ethiopian
A baba, gluck gluck bababab ga.
Marvin
Baba gook gook ba.
The cargo door lowers in back of the plane and a bunch of dead turkeys fall out. The Ethiopians grab the turkeys and raise Marvin on their shoulders in triumph. They march away, passing by a spit on which Sally Struthers has been tied, with an apple in her mouth.
Sally Struthers
(What are you doing? Let me off of here!)
Kenny's House.
Stuart
Lord, on this day of thanks, we would like to extend our deepest gratitude for this incredible bounty of green beans you have bestowed upon us. And though for some reason you found it necessary to take our son from us, and though you for some reason find pleasure in watching us suffer, still, we give thanks. Amen.
Mrs. McCormick
Amen.
She takes a brief look around.
Mrs. McCormick
Does anybody have a can opener?
Stuart
God Damn-it.
End of Starvin' Marvin


  109: "Starvin' Marvin" edit
Story Elements

Sally StruthersEthiopian TribeFederal Bureau of InvestigationStarvin' MarvinMutant Turkeys

Media

ImagesScriptWatch Episode

Release

South Park: The Complete First Season

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