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Script

Pinewood Derby
A close-up of Stan and Randy working on a tiny car. Randy is doing pretty much all the work. They are in the basement.
Randy
Alright, [measures the length of the car's body] that's 2.8 centimeters... should give us a drag of only.. 26 milliseconds. Hold the front here, Stan. [Stan holds on to the car's front end as Randy whips out a cordless drill. Randy bores into the rear end of the car as Sharon comes down the stairs.]
Sharon
Hey guys, it's almost 2 a.m.
Randy
[looks over his shoulder] We know!
Sharon
Well it's way past time for bed.
Randy
Sharon, Stan's Pinewood Derby race is tomorrow! Do you have any idea how important this is to him? Stan is not gonna lose to the goddamn Hollises again!
Sharon
Well it's just a block of wood and some wheels; I don't think there's that much more you can do with it.
Randy
That's 'cause you're a chick! Now just leave us alone! [turns his attention to the car again. Sharon goes upstairs] Don't worry, son, the Hollises are not beating us this year! I went and got something to put inside our car and make it go extra-fast. [pulls out a small box]
Stan
Dad, we're not allowed to add anything to the car that doesn't come in the approved kit, remember?
Randy
Stan, how do you think the Hollises beat us every year? [opens the box to reveal a small glowing metallic ball, picks it up with some tongs] I'm sure they put lead in the wood or something; we're just leveling the playing field. [puts the small ball in the hole he just drilled out, then plugs the hole up with a stopper that lines up flush with the car body] There.
Stan
What is that?
Randy
It's, uh it's nothing, really.
Channel 9 News.
Reporter
Tom, I'm standing outside the Hadron particle super-collider in Switzerland, where authorities are shocked and baffled over the theft of a superconducting bending magnet created for use in tests with particle acceleration.
Stan
[watching TV] Oh no, he didn't.
Reporter
The superconducting magnet was stolen sometime last week. Surveillance cameras were able to record the theft on tape and police are now looking for [a picture of Randy dressed as Princess Leia] Princess Leia Organa of Alderaan. Caught here in these photos, the troubled rebel princess is seen taking the superconducting magnet and then appearing disoriented as she tries to find her way out. [Stan buries his head into his right palm in shame] If you have any information of Princess Leia's whereabouts, please call your local police department.
Pinewood Derby Colorado State Championship, track area.
Judge
Alright Scouts and Dads, the racing continues. And it looks like our next heat is ready to go, in 3, 2, 1, race! [four boys release their cars. Token and Butters are two of the boys. The cars slide down a ramp and onto the straightaway, and hit a barrier at the other end of the track. Neither Token nor Butters wins] Two point one seconds for Tommy Bretts. Looks like we have a new leader, folks.
Tommy and His Dad
[hi-five each other] All right!
Pinewood Derby Colorado State Championship, Registration area. Stan and Randy enter the building.
Randy
Alright Stan, we're gonna need to check in and have our car inspected to qualify. [kneels down next to Stan] Now, son, Daddy needs to teach you something very important about "tells."
Stan
Tells?
Randy
When you tell them you only used the approved kit, don't look up and away, don't rub your neck, and don't touch your ear. Otherwise they'll know you're lying to them. Alright? Whenever you need to lie, just don't look up and away, rub your neck, or touch your ear.
Stan
Dad, maybe we should just take out the thing you put in the car an-
Randy
Son. ...You have to learn how to lie correctly someday, might as well be today, alright? I love you, son. [rubs his neck and looks up and away. Stan notices and is shocked.]
Official
Looks good. Thank you and good luck today. [the boy and his father leave, Stan and his father step up] Alright, next please. [Stan hands him his car. Randy rubs his neck again, then grins nervously] Name?
Stan
It's uh, Marsh. [the official puts the car on a small stand, then measures and weighs it]
Official
Alright, car weighs in at 15 ounces. Do you hereby swear that you used parts in the official Pinewood Derby kit and only parts in the official Pinewood Derby kit?
Randy
[coaxing Stan through gritted teeth] Yes I do, yes I do.
Stan
[in a resigned voice] Yes I do.
Official
Alright young man, good luck today. [hands the car back to Stan. He and Randy walk away]
Randy
[to himself, pumping both fists] Oh! Yes! [nearby they run into Mr. Hollis and son]
Mr. Hollis
Well well, look son, it's the Marshes.
Randy
Ey Hollis. You, uh, you guys race already?
Mr. Hollis
No, little Emmett hasn't gone yet. Think they're saving the best for last. [pats Emmett's head and holds up their car] Clocked her in at home at 1.5 seconds. It's the fastest car we've ever built.
Randy
One point five?
Pinewood Derby Colorado State Championship, track area.
Judge
The time to beat is 1.9 seconds. May we please have... Brewster, Marsh, Jarvis, and Hollis. [the boys line up behind the starting gate, their cars in position. Emmett and Stan are next to each other]
Mr. Hollis
Huh, only fitting our boys should be going head to head for their match, hey Marsh? Heh. [sips from a can of Dr Pep-er]
Randy
Come on, Stan, you can do this! [claps enthusiastically]
Judge
Alright, kids, are you ready? Here we go, last race for the state championship in 3, 2, 1, Go! [the boys release their cars and Emmett's car takes the lead.]
Mr. Hollis
You got it Emmett! [Stan's car begins to shimmy and spark, then stretch itself. It soon takes off, blowing hair and papers around. It crashes through the wall and up into the air outside, shearing off a tree limb. It kills a bird on its way up, then buzzes a passenger jet plane. It heads right out into space. Everyone in the competition goes outside and follows the car's trajectory]
Randy
Oh yeah! [jumps around] Oh yeah! [jabs a finger at Hollis] Suck on that, Hollis!
The Channel Nine news graphics appear.
Announcer
This is Nine News at Ten.
Anchorman
A Colorado boy and his father have set a new record at the Pinewood Derby. [a picture of the two winners appears over his left shoulder] Stan and Randy Marsh not only broke a speed record, but actually appear to have bent time and space and discovered warp speed. [Emmett is watching the news on his couch, sad that he lost] A parade was held for the winners earlier today [they're riding on a space shuttle float during the parade], and already offers for commercials and endorsement deals for the father and son appear to be pouring in. [Emmett goes to his father's study and trophy room and watches him]
Emmett
Dad, I just want you to know I still love you. [a gun is cocked and Mr. Hollis kills himself with a gunshot through the head. The head and left arm quickly fall to his desk.] Waaaagh! [begins to hyperventilate] He's OK, he's OK, he's OK, he's OK, he's OK-
Space. The car has run out of fuel and is now tumbling through space. A tractor beam comes on and freezes it in place, then pulls it towards a large ship.
Stan's house, day. Stan comes in and opens the door. Two agents are at the front door.
Agent Marx
Stan Marsh?
Stan
Yeah?
Agent Clark
I'm Agent Clark [on the left] and this is Agent Marx [on the right. Both men whip out their badges. They are members of the NSA] We'd like to talk to you about your Pinewood Derby car.
Stan
Aw crap, Dad! [the men enter the house and walk past Stan. He closes the door behind them]
Agent Clark
Young man, what we are about to tell you is a matter of national security. Yesterday every country and embassy on Earth was contacted by... an alien life force.
Stan
Alien?
Agent Marx
[they turn around] Apparently the alien came across your Pinewood Derby car and is now headed to our planet.
Stan
What does it want?
Agent Clark
We believe that they intend to welcome us into the Galactic Federation of Planets. They will want to meet the people who discovered warp speed for our species.
Randy
[coming down the stairs with a cup of coffee] Stan, did you use all the damned toilet paper agai-? [jumps back when he sees the men] Aw crap! [walks towards them defensively] What?! What do you guys want?! We said we only used what was in the kit! You got nothin' on us! You got nothin' on us!
Stan
Dad they aren't here for that.
Randy
[lowers his guard and shakes Agent Marx's hand] Oh. Hi, I'm Randy Marsh.
Agent Clark
Mr. Marsh, we were just telling your son that thanks to you, we have made first contact with alien life.
Randy
[surprised, softly] What? [looks to his right and says normally] Hey, hey Sharon.
Agent Marx
NASA's confirmed that an alien ship has entered our solar system and it is headed here.
Randy
So, so guess what? Our Pinewood Derby car found alien life in space.
Sharon
[walks in from the kitchen with her own cup of coffee] What? Oh my God.
Randy
Yeah, but I guess it's just a dumb little race like you said, huh Sharon?
South Park, evening. The town is gathered around an open space waiting for the aliens to drop down into the city. Channel 9 News and News 4 are waiting to record the event. An orchestra plays in a temporary gazebo, and a banner above it says "WELCOME, GALACTIC FRIENDS." An organizer guides Randy and Stan to a prime spot in the clearing.
Reporter
The world holds its breath as an alien ship prepares to land. Now that our planet has achieved warp speed, we're about to be welcomed into the universal society. All thanks to a father and son who broke the warp barrier using only the parts in this [holds up a packet] Pinewood Derby car kit.
General
Mr. Marsh, you are on with all the world leaders. [gives him a cell phone. Randy's now on a conference call]
Randy
Hullo?
Britain
Godspeed, Mr. Marsh.
France
Ze nation of France iz with you.
Japan
Good ruck witha 'harien, Mista Marsh.
China
Prease say herro froma China.
Randy
Oh okay uh, uh stand by I- I think it's, I think it's landing. [A huge shadow falls over South Park as the ship descends. Three metallic feet come out of the bottom of the ship and set themselves on the asphalt, allowing the ship to land softly]
Reporter
Our first encounter with extraterrestrial life is about to happen. Will it be like in Star Trek: First Contact? Or will it be more like Contact, with Jody Foster? [the ship's doors open, a virtual ramp appears, and the alien walks down the ramp to the street.]
Alien
I seek the life forms that made this. [holds up the car Stan launched into space.]
Randy
That's ours, Mr. Alien. We are the Marshes, Randy and Stan.
Alien
Oh yeah? [affects the manners and voice of a 1930's mobster, holds up a ray gun] You're gonna build me another one, see?
Randy
He's got a gun!
Alien
Everyone down on the ground! [everyone gets on the ground with their hands over their heads] Get those hands up! Let me see those hands! Do it now! I mean it! Show me those hands! I'm Baby Fark McGee-zax, the greatest gangster this universe has ever seen, right?!
Townsman
You can't threaten us! [a blast from the alien's gun injures his thigh and he goes down] Ow!
McGee-zax
Who wants it next, huh?! [a shot of the crowd at Times Square] Anyone else on this planet wanna be a hero? [the crowd there covers its head, as do the various world leaders]
Randy
What do you want?
McGee-zax
I'm on the lam. Got the entire Federation of Planets after me. But they ain't gonna catch me, ya got that?! They might have busted my warp drive, but you obviously know how to make 'em! [tosses the car to Randy, who catches it]
New Yorker
Screw this guy! He can't take out all of us! [McGee-zax fires into the air and the New Yorker gets a sparking sting on his right shoulder] Aargh!
McGee-zax
I can kill any mug on this two-bit planet I want! [a shot of McGee-zax from Akihabara, Tokyo. The Japanese cower and react to his image] You build me a new warp drive or you're all gonna get it, see?!
Judge
Fine. He can build you what you want. All he needs is the official Pinewood Derby kit. Right Marsh?
Randy
Uh, yeah. Yeah, that's all we need, huh Stan? [under his breath] Oh boy.
The South Park Market parking lot. Stan and Randy attempt to recreate the supersonic car they made earlier. Just as in the basement, Randy is to the left.
Randy
Okay, let's ah put the wheels on now, son.
McGee-zax
What's takin' so long?! You're stallin'!
Stephen
Come on Randy, just build him the warp drive and he'll leave us alone.
Randy
We're working on it! [McGee-zax begins to pace back and forth behind them]
Stan
[whispering] Dad. Dad, you know we can't make the car go as fast as before with only the approved Pinewood Derby kit.
Randy
[whispering] Yeah, thanks Stan, I know that.
Stan
[whispering] Well we have to tell them we used something outside the kit.
Randy
[whispering] Do you have any idea how stupid that would make us look?!
McGee-zax
Alright, that does it! [fires off another shot into the sky. A second later Randy gets a call on his cell phone]
Randy
Hello?
Italy
They justa blew up our government building! Ya got to hurry!
Britain
Mr. Marsh, why won't you finish the Pinewood Derby car?!
Randy
Will you just give us a minute?! Gau!!
Stan
Come on, Dad. We've gotta come clean.
Randy
[feeling the stress of urgency] Awhuh. [a siren sounds in the distance. In the sky another space ship shows up, with police sirens on it]
McGee-zax
Aw zahts, it's the intergalactic police.
Randy
What?! [McGee-zax pulls out a small remote control from his left front pocket and aims it at his ship. One click and the ship is cloaked in invisibility. McGee-zax then takes Stan captive and backs away holding a gun to Stan's head]
McGee-zax
You'd better get rid of 'em or your whole planet is gonna get it, see?! [goes towards South Park Market] You tell 'em you ain't seen nothin', you got that?! [the sliding doors open and he takes Stan into the store] I ain't goin' to space jail! [the doors close. The police ship lands and two space officers come out and walk down their ramps to the ground. One officer has two mouths, the other just one. Both of them have four eyes and broad shoulders]
Officer 1
'Scuse us, Earthlings, but uh, we've been in pursuit of a criminal from the Xenon galaxy. Fella by the name of Baby Fark McGee-zax?
Randy
Uh, no. [pulls at his ear vigorously] We haven't seen anything.
Officer 1
Well, ya think anyone else on your planet might have seen him?
Randy
Ahhh actually I- I happen to be on the phone with all the world leaders- I- I can ask. Uh yeah, listen, these, uh, police aliens are here, and they're wondering if anyone's seen an alien named Baby Fark McGee-zax.
China
Uh uh no, no, we haven't seen arien.
France
Uh we've seen nothing here in France.
Randy
Sorry, nobody in the world has seen anything. Uh... what did this... criminal alien do, exactly?
Officer 1
He stole over 600 parsohns of space cash from the universal bank. You're absolutely sure you didn't see an alien land here?
Randy
No, we're sure.
Officer 1
So then... we're the first aliens you've ever seen?
Randy
That's right, yep, you're the first ones.
Officer 1
You don't seem that excited about your first contact with alien life.
Randy
...Uh. That's r-. That's right! [shakes his head in mock surprise] Oh, oh my God! Hey everybody, we just made first contact!
Officer 1
[hands Randy his translucent shimmering business card] If you do see any sign of the other alien or the space cash you-
Randy
We will give you a call!
Officer 1
Mathematical semi-tonal is fine. [the space officers go back up their ramps to the ship, the ramps vanish behind them. Two blinking orbs appear above the ship and it takes off.]
The police ship.
Officer 1
Huh.
Officer 2
[uses both mouths] Something wrong, sir?
Officer 1
I don't know, Davert. Just somethin' about that planet didn't feel right. [blinks]
Back on the parking lot, Randy gives Stan the car body.
Randy
Alright son, now you just paint the racing stripe like you did before.
McGee-zax
I don't need it painted, I just need it functional, all right?! [waves the gun around]
Randy
Hey, the right paint job is a big part of what makes a Pinewood Derby car go fast!
Judge
That's true.
McGee-zax
I swear, if you don't have that thing workin' in three minutes this whole planet is done for!
Stan
Dad, it's over. We have to tell everyone we cheated.
Randy
No. I've got it all figured out, son. You have to kill the alien.
Stan
[alarmed] Kill the alien?
Randy
Sshh! I've been filing down this piece of metal into a shank. I'm gonna call him over here to look at the car, and when I do, you shove that in his neck.
Stan
No. Dad, we don't even know what'll happen.
McGee-zax
What are you two whispering about, riiight?
Randy
Oh no, that's uh that's it. We're done. Uh here. Come, come take a look.
Stan
Dad? [McGee-zax comes in for a closer look]
Randy
Here, see? Here look, look real close at the axles here. [McGee-zax studies the axles, and Stan jabs him in the neck with the shank, making him bleed and vomit profusely and then die] Yeahaah! Ahalright, you got him son!
The general takes the remote from McGee-zax's corpse and removes the cloak from the ship with it.
General
Alright men, check the ship. [he and a bunch of lab techs board the ship and look around]
Randy
[kneels by Stan] You see Stan? What did Daddy tell you? Everything worked out.
Stan
I guess so. It just still doesn't feel right.
Randy
But Stan, it's over now. We'll never have to lie again.
General
Hey Marsh, get in here! [Randy gets up and goes up the ramp into the ship. Stan follows.]
Inside the ship. The general, lab techs, and a few townsfolk are inside now. Stan and Randy make their way through the group.
Stephen
Can you believe it?
Randy
Oh my God. Spaaace caaash. [Before them is a towering pile of glittering blue bills]
General
Looks like those alien cops were right. Guess you should call them back now.
Randy
Right. [takes out his phone but has second thoughts.] Or what if we didn't call the cops?
Stephen
Huh?
Randy
Well I mean... [walks up to the pile] this is a lot of space cash, guys. Think o'what we could do with it.
Stan
No, Dad-
Mr. Garrison
He's right. We don't have to call the police back.
General
All right, let's get the cash put into boxes! [the men get to work]
Outside the ship. Randy is pleased with himself as he goes down the ramp. Stan follows him out.
Stan
Whoawhoawhoa Dad, what are we doing?
Randy
Will you relax, Stan? [his phone rings and he answers it]
Japan
Don't think you can keep the all the space cash for yourself!
Germany
That's right! This is all of our planet; the space cash belongs to all of us!
Australia
Either America shares that space cash with the rest of the world or we will tell the space cops!
Randy
Alright, fine, look: there's plenty of space cash to go around! [hangs up on the leaders] Thanks to us, our planet is rich, son! [the general and other federal agents take the space cash away in boxes as Randy grins]
Four days later, in front of the fugitive ship. Randy is on his cell phone negotiating with the other world leaders.
Randy
Oh no, China, we get to keep the ship. Because we killed the alien, you boner! Oh-oh come on England, you got just as much of the space cash as everyone else! [A siren is heard. Randy looks up to the sky and sees the space cops returning, but forgets to cloak the ship] Oh crap it's the cops! Hang on. [the police ship lands and the alien officers exit their ship] Ah hey, space officers.
Officer 1
Looks like the alien criminal did land here after all.
Randy
Oh, that- You were talking about that alien. Oh yeah that one, he was here, yeah. He landed here, but we... we killed him.
Officer 1
And so, did you find the missing space cash?
Randy
[thinks a moment] Nnno. Space cash? No. [strokes his ear, then rubs his neck with his left hand] There wasn't any space cash.
Officer 2
Well maybe someone else on your planet knows where it is?
Randy
Hey ah ah, any of you other countries see any space cash?
Russia
No space cash.
Japan
No we haven't-
Britain
No space cash.
Brazil
No.
Randy
Yeah, it doesn't look like the space cash was ever here.
Officer 1
Uh huh. Guess he must have dropped it off at some other planet.
Randy
[relieved] Probably.
Officer 1
Well you folks all take care now. [the officers turn to leave, but they turn around once again] Just... one more thing, Earthlings, uh... We had some images done of your planet and it appears that one of your poorer countries - Mexico? - has built 32 new hospitals and seven water parks in the last four days.
Randy
[silent for a moment] Oh... Yeah, Mexico. You know oh, oh, yeah. All of us other countries chipped in and uh, gave Mexico some aid. Yeah they really needed... some new water parks.
Officer 1
Uh huh. Have a good day. [the officers turn and head up the ramps. The doors close and the police ship leaves the planet once again]
Randy
[gets back on the phone] Hey. Hey Mexico! We said no spending the space cash yet! [a shot of the Mexican president at his desk with a new water park right outside his window] What the hell are you doing?! Will some country that speaks Spanish yell at Mexico please? They're gonna ruin everything!
Stan's room, later. Stan sits on his bed and holds his trophy, but he's not happy about it. He looks at it for a long while, then gets off his bed, walks over to his toy box, and puts the trophy on the lid. He puts his hands behind his back and holds one wrist with the other hand. He then looks at newspaper clippings from the day of the race. The headlines are as follows: "FATHER AND SON SET PINEWOOD DERBY RECORD", "WARP SPEED DISCOVERED", "DAD AND SON GREET VISITORS FROM OTHER WORLD!", "DERBY WINNER KILLS ALIEN," "CHINA BUILDS 48 NEW SOCCER STADIUMS." Stan sighs silently, sadly.
The Marsh house, kitchen. Randy is back on the phone with the world leaders, but he's getting disheveled.
Randy
No, Japan! Will you listen to me for five seconds?! If you keep building giant robots the cops are gonna ask questions!
Japan
Well then why can Engrand build a nuclear power plant?!
Randy
Nobody can build anything!!
Britain
Yeah, well, it's not even gonna matter, because Finland is thinking about telling the space cops the truth!
Randy
Wha?! Finland?! [Stan walks by the kitchen to see what's going on]
Finland
We believe the aliens are going to find out sooner or later what we did. It's best we come clean now.
Randy
[getting exasperated] Will you just relax, Finland?! Nobody is gonna find out anything.
Finland
I'm sorry, but our nation is resolved. We cannot live with the guilt anymore.
Randy
Okay okay! [Stan leaves] You're right. You're right, Finland! Okay? You're right. Can you just... let us other countries talk pr-private, for a moment?
Finland
Very well. [goes on hold]
Randy
All right you guys, we've gotta get rid of Finland.
China
Yep, we gotta take out Finrand, they gonna squeal.
Australia
Yeah, I think we all agree. Guys? [eight leaders are shown onscreen and they all agree]
Outer space. Missiles from around the world begin to flow towards Finland and bomb the place.
The Marsh house, night. The family is having a nice quiet dinner when the police ship returns to South Park. Randy wipes his mouth dry and leaves the table.
Randy
Oh dammit!
The landing area. A crowd gathers again and Randy walks up to the ship.
Randy
Uh hey, space officers. How can we help you?
Officer 1
Well we're a little puzzled over one of your countries? Uh, Finland?
Randy
[rubs his neck again] Whaa-wha-what about it?
Officer 2
It appears to have been... destroyed.
Randy
[feigning surprise] Whaaat? Oh my God, not Finland.
Crowd
Oh no, not Finland.
Randy
Hey guys, Finland's dead.
Russia
Oh no. No! Nooo.
Japan
Noo, not a Finrand!
Kenya
All of Finland, gone.
Randy
Yeah, somebody better break the news to Norway; they were really close.
Officer 1
None of you knew anything about Finland's destruction?
Randy
[rubs his neck again] No, I mean... Odds are, they nuked themselves. You know, suicide.
Officer 2
We didn't say anything about nukes.
Randy
Or, or whatever they did, I'm sayin'.
Stan
'Scuse me! 'Scuse me! [the crowd makes way for him as he walks up to the ship] Everyone, I have an announcement to make. I'm giving back my Pinewood Derby trophy! [hands it to the judge]
Judge
[takes the trophy] What?
Randy
Stan?
Stan
The truth is, I don't deserve this trophy. 'Cause I cheated on my Pinewood Derby car. I used something not in the approved kit. [the crowd reacts to this admission.]
Japan
Not in the approved kit?!
Australia
He cheated on the Pinewood Derby?
Stan
This trophy isn't mine, and so I have to give it back! Because if I'm not honest now, then I'll have to keep this lie going forever. And it will just grow and grow. [everyone, including the world leaders from Kenya and South Korea, hangs on Stan's every word]
Randy
Well Stan, we're proud of you for coming clean. But it doesn't change the fact that you cheated. Go to your room, son.
Officer 1
Your son seems to have some pretty inspirational words. You sure you Earthlings have nothing else to tell us?
Randy
[gets on the phone with the other leaders] Hey uh, do we have anything else to tell the space cops?
Britain
Nope.
France
Nope.
South Korea
No changes.
Kenya
Nope.
Russia
No changes.
Brazil
Nope.
China
No. Tell them no.
Australia
No changes.
Randy
[rubs his neck] Yeah, no, we've told you everything, space officers.
Officer 1
All right, that's it then. Come on out sir, it appears to be over. [a door on the lower level of the ship drops down from the outer wall to become a ramp, and a figure stands at the entrance, then walks down the ramp. The figure looks familiar...]
Randy
[jumps back in horror] Aw shit, it's Baby Fark McGee-zax!
McGee-zax
My real name is Kevern Zaksor. I am the ambassador to new planet testing. [Stan and Randy look at each other]
Britain
What the hell are they talking about?
Kevern Zaksor
These are not space cops. [the officers remove their helmets] There is no space jail, and space cash is only worth what you as a planet decided it was worth. I mean, how stupid is your species? Space jail? Baby Fark McGee-zax?
Randy
It was... a trick?
Officer 2
Whenever a civilization discovers warp speed, we want to bring them into the Federation of Planets, but first we do the space cash test, to see if that species is worthy of joining.
Kevern Zaksor
Needless to say, you all failed. [he and the two officers go back inside the ship. He turns at his door's entrance and clears his throat] People of earth, since you did not return the space cash, your species and your planet is hereby forever blocked off and barred from the rest of the universe. Goodbye. [his door closes. The ramps all go back into the ship and the ship takes off]
Randy
No heywaitwait, no! [the ship zooms away from the planet and leaves behind two probes that evolve into a cube of energy shields] Well that sucks!
End of Pinewood Derby


  1306: "Pinewood Derby" edit
Story Elements

Baby Fark McGee-zaxIntergalactic PoliceFederation of PlanetsAngela MerkelFelipe CalderónGordon BrownHan Seung-SooHu JintaoJohn HowardLuiz Inácio Lula da SilvaMatti VanhanenNicolas SarkozyRaila OdingaSilvio BerlusconiTaro AsoVladimir PutinMr. HollisEmmett Hollis

Media

ImagesScript

Release

South Park: The Complete Thirteenth Season