Cartman is appointed to the post of school hallway monitor at South Park Elementary. In his new role, Cartman takes it personally when an infraction is committed in his jurisdiction. When Kyle discovers that a teacher is having sex with a student, he and Cartman team up to put a stop to the inappropriate behavior.
Cartman is approached by a Ginger Kid Hall monitor, telling him he has to go to the Principals Office. Cartman insults the boy, and only leaves the moment because his name was called on the PA system to come to the office. When he arrives, Principal Victoria tells him that it is his turn to become the new School Hall Monitor, giving Cartman "Authoritah." He takes to his new job quickly, taking every last offense seriously. He dresses up and acts like Dog the Bounty Hunter, even repeating some of his catch phrases. When he finds a crumpled up paper in the Hall Way, he busts Ike for littering, who had drawn a picture of his new teacher Ms. Stevenson with hearts around it, singing his name.
At the end of class, Ms. Stevenson keeps Ike late, she admits she has feelings for him so they begin a relationship passing love notes in class and going on dates, even inappropriately having sex. Kyle is sent to Ms. Stevenson's house one day to pick up Ike who is supposedly having extra tutor lessons, so that he can take him to the doctor. The door is left unlocked, and Kyle walks in on Ms. Stevenson and Ike in the bathtub together. They confess their love for one another, leaving Kyle stunned.
Later, while Kyle and his family are having dinner, Kyle tries to tell his mother about Ike's relationship with Ms. Stevenson, but is always interrupted by Ike saying something cute. Kyle then suggests that she should talk to Ike about love and sex, which she just responds by saying that Ike's way too young. Later, Kyle goes to the Police station to try and tell the police what is going on, but they see no problem in a beautiful woman having sex with an underage boy, and claim him the luckiest boy in America. Kyle then goes to his friends as a last resort, who just like the policemen see nothing wrong with it until Kyle lets it slip that they make out in the hallways. Since this is a hallway infraction, Cartman takes it upon himself to catch Ike and Ms. Stevenson in the act. He shows proof to Principal Victoria who, being a woman, does see the behavior is inappropriate. She is promptly arrested and fired from her job, the crowd outside and especially Randy are confused as to why she's being arrested since she's a woman and hot. She escapes a prison sentence by using the "Mel Gibson Defense" and claiming she is an alcoholic, and she wasn't responsible for her actions.
After completing Rehab (almost literally walking in right before walking out the 'revolving door'), she drives right away to Ike's home, and they sneak out planning on leaving the country to Milan. Kyle is ready to give up, but Cartman isn't as ready to let a rule breaker go free, and convinces Kyle to come with him. He assembles a team that looks like Dawg's, and with the help of Beth, his bitch, hand checks her Travelocity account and sees their flight does not leave until the next morning, and are able to find out the hotel they are staying in. They begin checking rooms, bear-macing several people. The hotel staff call the police, and Ms. Stevenson and Ike run for it when they hear the sirens. Cartman's team finds them, and chases them to the roof followed by the police. Ms. Stevenson and Ike are cornered, and the police quickly turn their attention to them after realizing that it is the woman they got a kidnapping report about. With nowhere else to go, the two decide to go with their idiotic back up plan, and jump because no one will accept their love.
Kyle gives a speech on love to Ike, about how he needs to truly live first before ruining his life by getting into a serious relationship. Though Ms. Stevenson jumps, falling to her death, Ike stops at the last minute on hearing Kyle's lecture. Kyle and Ike are happily reunited, and Cartman wraps up the ordeal by telling the audience, "If you don't go with Christ, you could end up like that splattered bitch on the pavement".