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The United States Senate convenes to find a solution to the lack of interest in the USA national anthem. The congress decides to hire J.J. Abrams to re-boot the song, since he did such a great job on the "Star Wars" franchise.
Abrams was only seen in silhouette standing at the window of his gated mansion. Reporters and fans swarmed his home in hopes of his agreeing to rewrite the US national anthem for a new generation.
His re-boot allows people to choose whether to sit, stand or kneel, which ruins Presidential candidate Herbert Garrison's plans to sit out the national anthem to make Hillary Clinton look like the better candidate. It also ruins the protests made by the girls of South Park Elementary, who were protesting to draw attention to the online trolling done to them by Skankhunt42.