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Cast

  • Stan Marsh
  • Kyle Broflovski
  • Eric Cartman
  • Butters Stotch
  • Wendy Testaburger
  • Red
  • Randy Marsh
  • Sharon Marsh
  • Mr. Mackey
  • Principal Victoria
  • Sgt. Yates
  • Dr. Chinstrap
  • Pinkerton
  • Leonardo DiCaprio
  • Expert 1 (Arthur)
  • Expert 2 (Eames)
  • Expert 3 (Yusef)
  • Expert 4 (Saito)
  • Fire Captain
  • Fireman 1
  • Billy
  • Mr. Mackey
  • Bus Driver
  • Ranger Pete
  • Woodsy Owl
  • Freddy Krueger and his wife
  • Pizza Man
  • Matt Hasselback

Script

Insheeption
South Park Elementary, day. The students are all in the cafeteria eating lunch. In the middle of the cafeteria is a table with the four boys there. Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny sit opposite Clyde, Craig, Kevin, and Token.
Cartman
So then, the guy hits the ping-pong ball with his dick, and it goes right in the other guy's mouth. [laughs heartily. Butters approaches the table with a sheet of paper]
Butters
Hey Stan, I have a note for you.
Stan
A note?
Butters
Yeah, uh, Wendy said to give you this. [hands him the note] I'm like a mailman. [walks away. Stan reads and Kyle notices]
Kyle
What's it say?
Stan
[omitting the names] We need to talk.
Cartman
[voice rising in pitch] Ohhhhhhhh. When a chick says "We need to talk" you might as well just start punching yourself in the balls, dude.
Two tables over, nine girls are eating lunch. Kal, Red, Wendy, Bebe, and Heidi sit opposite Esther, Anne, Lola, and Millie
Red
Are you sure he has a problem, Wendy?
Wendy
Yes. I've read all about it. It's a real disease. It's called "hoarding." People who can't throw anything away, and they just keep living in deeper and deeper filth until the people around them just can't take it anymore.
Stan
[approaching] Is something wrong, Wendy? [Wendy sees him, then looks at the girls, gets up and walks up to Stan]
Wendy
[sighs] Stan? We need to talk about your locker.
Stan
My locker?
Wendy
[turns away] Every time I see the condition it's in I j-I just wanna cry. It just keeps getting messier and messier. I think you have a problem.
Stan
Are you serious?
Wendy
[turns back] It's so full of junk it takes you forever to find anything. And lately you've been asking to keep things in my locker.
Stan
Well it's just a little messy.
Wendy
No, Stan, it's called "hoarding"! And if you don't get help I don't know how much longer I could be with you!
Stan
Aw come on.
Wendy
Then can we throw some stuff in your locker away?
Stan
Yeah, alright.
Wendy
[wipes a tear from her eye] Okay. [puts a hand on his shoulder] I've hired some experts to help you with this. We'll make this as easy as possible on you, Stan.
South Park Elementary, hallway. Two men stand by Stan and his locker as the fourth graders look on. One of them holds a large trash bag and is wearing a face mask
An Expert
Hello everyone, my name is Dr. Chinstrap. I'm a hoarding specialist, and today we're gonna help Stan clean out his locker. Alright, let's go ahead and see inside your locker, Stan. [Stan goes to his locker, opens it, and a few items fall out. The class gasps in horror: Stan's locker is truly packed. Wendy cries and hides her face with her notebook]
Stan
What, come on, it's not that bad.
Dr. Chinstrap
Now, as part of Stan's therapy, we need to make sure we don't throw away anything he doesn't want us to. Stan needs to feel like he is in control or his psychosis will come out.
Stan
My psychosis? Look, it isn't that big a deal, I'll just throw this stuff away.
Dr. Chinstrap
[walks up to Stan and gets down on one knee] Okay, great. How about we start with this? [takes a small box out of the locker]
Stan
Well, no, that's my pencil box. I need my pencil box.
Dr. Chinstrap
[defers right away, putting a hand up] Okay, okay, we'll put that right here on the floor. Now how about this? [takes out a bent toothbrush] Broken toothbrush.
Stan
Well... it's good to have that, because sometimes I really wanna brush after lunch, and I-
Dr. Chinstrap
But it's broken.
Stan
Yeah, but it works perfectly fine and I-
Dr. Chinstrap
[defers right away] Okay, okay. Broken toothbrush is going right here, by the pencil box. [sets it down] Now how about this? [pulls out a clear sandwich bag with rotten food in it] Old sandwich in a baggie filled with maggots.
Class
Eeeeewwww! [two more men stand behind the class holding trash bags and wearing face masks]
Stan
Well, that, I mean, yeah, I mean... I kinda need that. Let's, let's just keep that.
Dr. Chinstrap
It's full of maggots, Stan. Can we throw it away?
Stan
Well, I might need it if I every have to, you know, like-
Dr. Chinstrap
The maggots are crawling down my hand and biting my wrist, Stan. Can we throw this away?
Stan
Well, I- I guess so, but- [Dr. Chinstrap dumps the baggie into the large trash bag his assistant is holding. The assistant is wearing a facemask] Whoa-whoa-wait, this is all happening a little fast. Can we just slow down? [Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny look at each other worriedly]
Dr. Chinstrap
Now how about this empty aspirin bottle?
Stan
Well no, don't throw that out.
Dr. Chinstrap
Can we throw out these wadded up papers, then? [sweeps out a bunch of loose papers. Stan gets alarmed]
Stan
[begins gathering up the papers] No, because there could be something written on one of them that's important and uh-! No, don't take my empty bottle-! [takes the bottle from Dr. Chinstrap. The assistant pulls out the baggie] G-give me back my sandwich! [Stan grabs the baggie, then reaches for another loose sheet, when he realizes what he's done. Cartman makes a circle around his right ear with his index finger and whistles a cuckoo tune]
Kyle
[walks up to Stan and puts a hand on his left shoulder] Dude. What's wrong with you?
Stan
I don't... I don't know.
Kyle
Maybe you should go talk to the counselor.
Mr. Mackey's office, later. Stan is in his office
Mr. Mackey
Stan, as your counselor, I'm here to help you with whatever problems you might have, m'kay? Now, what is the matter? [before Stan answers, he looks around the office. Mr. Mackey has a lot of junk in there]
Stan
Well, my friends are worried that I'm showing signs of... "hoarding."
Mr. Mackey
Hoarding? M'kay, what's that?
Stan
Well, apparently, it's when you... don't throw anything away and soon you find yourself, living with a, bunch of... junk?
Mr. Mackey
Hmmm, I haven't heard of that, but it- it definitely sounds bad, m'kay?
Stan
[looks around again] Mr. Mackey, is there, maybe anything you wanna talk about?
Mr. Mackey
Me? ...Like, like what?
Stan
[looks around and picks up an empty milk carton from a box] Well like, you've got an old milk carton here from a month ago that's like-
Mr. Mackey
DON'T YOU TOUCH THAT! THAT'S NOT SOMETHING TO THROW AWAY! IF YOU THROW THAT AWAY I WILL RAPE YOU IN THE MOUTH! M'KAY?! I WILL RAPE YOU IN YOUR FUCKIN' MOUTH! M'KAY?!
South Park Elementary faculty room. Randy and Sharon are there with Mr. Garrison, Principal Victoria, Dr. Chinstrap, and another expert
Dr. Chinstrap
There's no doubt about it. The school counselor here is a Class-5 hoarder. As for your son, Mr. and Mrs. Marsh, he's easily a Class-3.
Principal Victoria
But why is Mr. Mackey doing this now?
Sharon
Yes, our son has always been fairly clean.
Dr. Chinstrap
We don't know a lot about what causes hoarding, but we do know it often relates to some kind of psychological trauma. If it's okay with you, we'd like to run some tests on the both of them.
Sharon
Is that really necessary for Stan? It's just his locker.
Dr. Chinstrap
I don't know if you realize how serious locker hoarding is. [turns away] It can lead to room hoarding, then house hoarding. In some cases, people even hoard animals, like cats.
Randy
Oh yeah. Like that weird guy over on on Burgess Road. That guy, Mr. Yelman. He's been hoarding animals for years now.
Dr. Chinstrap
Oh no, really?
A pasture, day. Dr. Chinstrap and his partner are present with Sgt. Yates and an officer
Sgt. Yates
Mr. Yelman, we received some disturbing reports that you might be hoarding sheep.
Mr. Yelman
[a shepherd, or sheep herder, or sheep hoarder] ...Well I, that is I, I-
Dr. Chinstrap
It's okay, Mr. Yelman, I'm a hoarding specialist. What you have is an illness. [Mr. Yelman doesn't know what they're talking about]
A lab, later. Stan, Mr. Mackey, and Mr. Yelman are all on couches with electrodes attached to their temples. Dr. Chinstrap is running tests as his partner and Stan's parents watch from an observation room
Partner
Don't worry, Mr. and Mrs. Marsh. Dr. Chinstrap is a professional at memory regression. This should prove very helpful.
Dr. Chinstrap
Alright everyone, we are all here to face the disease of hoarding together. Nothing to be ashamed of, everyone here has the same problem. Whether it's office hoarding, or in the locker, or even the hoarding of animals.
Mr. Yelman
Excuse me, but uh, I am a sheep herder.
Dr. Chinstrap
It's pronounced "hoarder," and yes you are.
Mr. Yelman
But but I, uh I'm actually herding sheep.
Dr. Chinstrap
Yes, you are hurting sheep by hoarding them, aren't you? It's good you realize that.
Mr. Yelman
No, but I just thought that-
Dr. Chinstrap
Now listen: there's a psychological reason you're all doing this, and we're gonna get to the bottom of it. We're gonna do some regression therapy. I'll be taking you deep into your memories, into your past.
Mr. Mackey
M'kay, that that sounds like it could be bad, uh-kay?
Dr. Chinstrap
Trust me, I know what I'm doing. I want the three of you to relax, and think about... a cloud. A lone cloud... floating... changing... light... cool air... blowing on the cloud. float- [jumps out of his chair suddenly, startling the subjects] WAAH! HAAA! HAAA!
Mr. Mackey
What?! What?! Jesus, what?!
Mr. Yelman
Oh my God!
Dr. Chinstrap
Sorry, I just got a weird gas bubble for a second. [clears his throat] Anyway, A lone cloud... floating... wisps of cool air... now the cloud is near you, you... you reach out to it.
Mr. Mackey
[stretches his arm out] Mmm-kay...
Dr. Chinstrap
It's the cloud of your memories, of your past, [focus on Mr. Mackey] ...your childhood perhaps, ...what do you see in the cloud? Who is in the cloud?
Mr. Mackey
Billy, ...Billy Thompson?
Mackey's memory takes him back to the 1970s, when he was in grammar school. Three kids angrily walk towards him in the hall.
Billy
There he is! Hey, Mackey! [Mr. Mackey, talking to two other boys, suddenly drops his books and turns around]
Mackey
Oh uh, hi Billy. Nice to see ya, m'kay?
Billy
Come 'ere! [points to the spot where he wants Mackey. Mackey's friends panic and split]
Mackey
Uh well, actually I need to get home, m'kay? I uh...
Billy
You snitched and told the principal I was smoking.
Mackey
Oh well uh, uh... smoking's bad, uhkay? [Billy throws him up against a locker] Huhhhhh!
Billy
You're gonna die Mackey! [to his friends] Hold his legs! [his friends move in, but Mackey gets loose and runs away, screaming. Mackey rounds a corner, finds a room, and goes in before Billy could catch him. Billy and his friends round the corner and run past the room Mackey entered] Come back here!
Mackey
[in the darkness, starts to calm down] Okay. Okay, okay okay, it's okay. It's okay. Calm down, okay. Turn on the light. [turns on the light, revealing Stan]
Stan
What? Whoa wait, what am I doing here?
Mackey
Shh. Be quiet.
Mr. Yelman
'Scuse me, where are we?
Mackey
Shh. You've gotta be quiet. Billy Thompson's out there.
Stan
What the hell's going on?!
In the observation room Dr. Chinstrap and his partner analyze some printouts
Dr. Chinstrap
What the hell is going on?!
Partner
The counselor's flat top readers are calculating with the boy's and the sheep hoarder's.
Dr. Chinstrap
Oh Jesus.
Randy
What does that mean?
Dr. Chinstrap
It means Mr. Mackey's childhood regression dream is... so vivid it actually sucked the other two patients into it.
Randy
What?!
Partner
I'm afraid your son has gone into his counselor's dream.
Randy
Aw come on, that's stupid. How's that, how's that even possible?
Dr. Chinstrap
It's not stupid at all! Pinkerton, you explain the logic and I'll provide the background.
Pinkerton
Alright. [walks up to Randy and Sharon] Look, it is possible to enter into someone else's dreams. [Dr. Chinstrap begins a musical accompaniment] Send dream trackers to go into a person's subconscious, like a spy seeing their dreams as they see them. Perhaps even planting ideas. If one person is regressing deeply enough, the dream can actually envelop those dreaming around the first person I talked about who's dreaming! And then, everyone in the dream would be in danger of never coming back. [Dr. Chinstrap ends his accompaniment at the same time]
Mackey's dream. Mackey runs into his bedroom, which is strewn with toys popular in the '70s.
Mackey
Yay, my bedroom! Yep, this is my happy place, m'kay?
Stan
Mr. Mackey.
Mackey
[sees his Lite Brite, runs to work on it, and sings] Lite Brite, making things with light. What a sight, making things with Lite Brite, m'kay.
Stan
Mr. Mackey, what are you doing?
Mackey
Well this is a Lite Brite, m'kay. I can make things with light, like um, birds, m'kay, clowns, m'kay.
Stan
Come on, dude, you've gotta wake up!
Mackey
Oh yeah, my Evel Knievel doll! [goes to his dresser and grabs it] I can take the motorcycle, hm'kay, I put it on this thing, like this. [puts the motorcycle on the little ramp] Okay now crank it back, and now I let go. [releases the motorcycle, which zooms across the room and does a wheelie. Mackey giggles with excitement] Okay. Okay.
Stan
Mr. Mackey, I realize this might be fun for you, but it totally isn't for me.
Mackey
Hey, look what's on! It's ZOOM!
Mr. Yelman
Excuse me, I really need to get back to my sheep.
Stan
I'm working on it!
Mackey
[Singing along with the TV] Write Zoom Z Double O M Box 350 Bos-ton Mass. Oooh two ooone three fouuur, m'kay!
Stan
[walks up to Mackey and turns him around] Dude, please wake up! You're a grown man in a psychiatrist's office! [something hits Mackey's window and he goes to see what it was. He sees Billy on the sidewalk with his friends]
Billy
You can hide in your house for now, Mackey, but tomorrow is the field trip! Frisco Woods! And I'm gonna do things to you you'll never forget!
Mackey
No, uh Billy, please, uh-kay? I'm really sorry about the smoking thing, uh.
Billy
See you in the woods tomorrow, dead man! [walks away with his friends]
Mackey
[turns away from the window] Oh Jesus...
Stan
Is that why we're here? Did something really bad happen on the field trip?
Mackey
Yeah, it's probably gonna be bad, m'kay. [looks away]
The lab. The patients continue dreaming and moaning
Stan
Oh-Ohhhhhhh.
Mr. Mackey
Ohhhhhhh, m'kay.
The observation room
Randy
What kind of hoarding specialist are you?! You trapped our son in his counselor's subconscious, and now you're saying he could die in there?!
Dr. Chinstrap
Believe me, this is the last thing I wanted to have happen.
Randy
That does it! [goes into the lab]
Dr. Chinstrap
What are you doing?!
Randy
I'm goin' in! [pulls up a couch next to Stan's] If they're locked into his regression, then maybe I can be too!
Dr. Chinstrap
Are you crazy?! Mackey is in a very unstable state!
Randy
Damn your incongruities! [hooks himself up] I'm goin' in after my son!
Dr. Chinstrap
It's a dream world where Mackey can imagine himself to be anything. It's dangerous!
Randy
I said get me in there!
Dr. Chinstrap
Alright, you wanna risk your ass?! Fine! [snaps into a soothing rush job] You see a cloud, it's a fluffy cloud, floating, happy, happy fluffy cloud. You reach out to it.
Randy
Ahhh.
Next day, the field trip
Bus Driver
Alright kids, everyone on the bus.
Stan
Wait wait, where the hell are we now?
Mackey
It's the day of the big field trip.
Billy
[from the bus window] Come on, Mackey. We're waitin' for ya.
Mackey
Oh Jesus.
Stan
Mr. Mackey, you have to wake up! I don't belong here! I need to have my own regression therapy!
Bus Driver
Everyone on the bus now! We're runnin' late!
Mr. Yelman
Excuse me, I'm actually a sheep herder.
Driver
It's pronounced "hoarder," young man, and if you are you should talk to the school counselor about it! [shoves him into the bus]
Mr. Yelman
Yes, but I, I'm so- wah- um.
Stan
Please, I don't wanna go on your field trip, Mackey.
Randy
Stan? [Stan looks around] Stan!
Stan
Dad? Is that you?
Randy
Yes, it's me, Stan.
Stan
Where are you?
Randy
It's me! Up here! [Stan looks up and sees him] I'm a butterfly!
Stan
The hell are you doing, dad?
Randy
I'm flying free with my beautiful butterfly wings!
Stan
Did you come here to help me?
Randy
I was gonna, but ooh! This is fun!
Stan
Dad, you gotta stop Mackey and bring us back to reality!
Randy
Butterflies have no concern for such things, Stan. I'm gonna go find me some butterly poon.
Stan
DAD!
in the lab, Randy is smiling
Randy
[moaning happily] Aah ahhh aha ahhh.
Stan
[moaning in frustration] Aaaaaagh!
The observation room. Pinkerton checks the printouts
Pinkerton
Uh oh, something's wrong.
Dr. Chinstrap
What is it?!
Pinkerton
The father. He's gone completely off chart.
Sharon
Off chart? What does that mean?
Pinkerton
We don't even know.
Dr. Chinstrap
I told him not to go into the dream after his son. He should have waited for the experts to get here.
Sharon
Who are the experts? [five men shooting guns enter the observation room, and one of them goes down with a gunshot wound]
Leonardo DiCaprio
Get that door closed! Keep me covered! [the expert in striped shirt shuts the door]
Dr. Chinstrap
Ah good, you're here.
DiCaprio
What's the sitch?!
Dr. Chinstrap
Four people, in there, all stuck in the middle one's dream.
Expert 1
We need to move them all to the next dream level before the projections kill them!
Sharon
What next dream level?
DiCaprio
Alright look. Right now they're all trapped in a dream. [Dr. Chinstrap resumes the accompaniment] We need to go in and put them under so they can go into a dream within a dream.
Sharon
Why?
Expert 1
[Black Suit (Arthur)] Because in the dream within a dream we can protect them from getting to limbo.
Sharon
What's that?
Expert 2
[in striped shirt (Eames)] Empty scary dreamspace.
Sharon
So like a nightmare?
Expert 3
[African-American (Yusef)] No, like a nightmare within a nightmare!
Sharon
Why can't you wake up from that?
Expert 1
You can, but someone inside the dream has to kick you awake from the nightmare!
Sharon
That doesn't sound very difficult.
Expert 1
It is!
Sharon
Why?
Expert 4
Arrgh.
Expert 1
We don't have time for this!
Sharon
Uh okay, fine. So you're gonna take my son to a dream within a dream, and then what?
Expert 1
Then we go into your husband's dreams!
Sharon
Okaaay...
DiCaprio
But your husband will think we're in Hasselback's dream.
Sharon
Okay, wait. Who's Hasselback?
Hasselback
I am.
Sharon
Okay. Wait, no. Why do we need a football player?
DiCaprio
Sometimes, thoughts of my dead wife manifest themselves as trains!
Sharon
Are you all saying that you can go into a dream and take people in that dream into their own dream?
DiCaprio
Not all the time, just this once. And maybe one other time.
Expert 1
It's so complex and cool.
Sharon
Just because an idea is overly convoluted and complex doesn't make it cool! Going to multiple dream levels sounds like a really stupid idea!
DiCaprio
You just don't get it 'cause you're not smart enough. Let's move! [the five experts and Hasselback enter the lab and hook themselves up]
Sharon
Will they be able to wake Mackey up?
Dr. Chinstrap
If they don't, it'll be the end of Europe as we know it.
Sharon
Why?
Dr. Chinstrap
Because.
Frisco Woods, day. The class has arrived at its destination
Ranger Pete
Hello kids, my name is Ranger Pete.
Class
Hi Ranger Pete.
Mackey
Hi Ranger Pete, m'kay.
Ranger Pete
Today we're gonna be learning all about these amazing evergreens and this fragile ecosystem.
Mackey
Oh that should be fun, m'kay. [looks at Billy, who looks back and punches his right palm with his left fist. His voice trembles] Ahhhh...
Ranger Pete
But first we have a very special guest. It's Woodsy Owl. [Woodsy !Owl skips into view]
Mackey
Oh boy! Woodsy Owl!
Stan
Who's that?
Mackey
"Give a hoot, don't pollute," m'kay.
Woodsy Owl
Hi, I'm Woodsy Owl, remindin' you all to please pick up your trash, and keep our forests clean. In the city or in the woods,
Mackey
Help keep Americaaa lookin' good, m'kay. [claps] Oh, boy I love that song.
Ranger Pete
Alright kids, time to split up and go into the forest. Let's divide you all up into groups of six.
Billy
We wanna be in Mackey's group!
Mackey
Oh no, that that's m'kay. We'll uh we'll get paired with someone else uh.
Ranger Pete
That's fine. You six boys can team up and be our first group in.
Mackey
Oh no, oh God here it comes, unkay? [Stan looks at the ranger, then hears gunfire, so he turns to see where it's from. The group of experts is seen chasing and shooting at Butterfly Randy]
DiCaprio
Is this the dream, or the dream within the dream?
Expert 2
I think it's the dream inside the Matrix inside the dream!
DiCaprio
Oh well. Just keep shooting!
Stan
What the fuck?
The lab. All the patients moan and ahhh
An Expert
Mommy? Mommy?
The observation room. Pinkerton, Dr. Chinstrap, and Sharon are now accompanied by several firefighters, and they all observe the patients
Fire Captain
[turns to Dr. Chinstrap] So you're saying that all those people in there are somehow trapped in one person's dream?
Dr. Chinstrap
Yes, and so that's why I called the fire department. I don't know where else to turn.
Fireman 1
But, wait, if those people got stuck in there, why wouldn't we?
Pinkerton
It's very simple: You see, [Dr. Chinstrap provides accompaniment once again] when the dream experts go in, they attempt to take the subject to a dream within a dream.
Fireman 1
Like a taco within a taco?
Fire Captain
A double-decker taco supreme.
Pinkerton
Exactly. But only dream spies have the ability to go deeper into dream levels, and firemen have the ability to bring ladders into other people's dreams.
Fire Captain
Wait wait whoa whoa, how can you take a ladder into a dream? [Dr. Chinstrap continues his accompaniment, this time pulling a lamb by its tail and including its bleat]
Pinkerton
Because the firemen dreams aren't like dreams at all. They're more like a dream within a matrix within a dream.
Pizza Man
Somebody order a pizza?
Pinkerton
No.
Dr. Chinstrap
Probably one of them in the dream.
Pizza Man
[determined] Alright, I'm goin' in. [goes into the lab. He goes to the first expert's couch, lays down next to him, and hooks himself up]
Pinkerton
Look, if we can get the fire department into the counselor's dream, then we can jump everyone down at least another six dream levels. That way we'll be in the counselor's deepest level of subconscious.
Dr. Chinstrap
And it will be like a taco, inside a taco, within a Taco Bell, that's inside a KFC, within a mall, that's INSIDE YOUR BRAIN! [provides his own accompaniment]
Frisco Woods, a pleasant scene. A butterfly sits on a leaf doing nothing when Randy descends on it and starts humping it. Soon, Mackey runs by and both butterflies fly away separately. Stan and Mr. Yelman chase Mackey
Mackey
Aaaaaah! Not again, m'kay! Aaaaaah!
Stan
Mr. Mackey, stop running!
Mackey
But, but they're gonna kick my butt, m'kay! [stops briefly, then runs again] They're gonna kick it bad!
Stan
Look, dude! [catches up to Mackey and stops him] Whatever happened with those bullies, you just have to stop running and face it! It's just a dream dude! You can control what happens. Stand up to them this time.
Mackey
I know what about? I don't remember what they did. I just remember the field trip being really bad, okay.
Billy
There he is! You can't run forever!
Mackey
Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god... [Mr. Yelman catches up]
Stan
Mr. Mackey, go, and face it! Please. So that we can get out of here and find out why we're hoarding.
Mr. Yelman
But I literally herd sheep.
Stan
Shut up!
Mackey
Okay. Okay, I can do this. I'm just gonna stand and, and face what happens, okay?
The lab. The firemen have hooked themselves up and entered Mr. Mackey's dream.
Pizza Man
Somebody... order pizza? Pizza?
Pinkerton
Mr. Mackey must be dreaming about something extremely traumatic.
Dr. Chinstrap
Alright, that does it. [goes to the coat hanger and grabs his coat] Get your coat.
Pinkerton
Where are we going?
Dr. Chinstrap
We need to get help from the most powerful dream infiltrator in the world.
Pinkerton
You don't mean...
Deep in the woods, day. A small cabin is seen in the distance as three helicopters fly towards it. A familiar bogeyman is shown splitting wood with an axe.
Dr. Chinstrap
Hello, Freddy. [the bogeyman turns around and it's Freddy Krueger, now with a full beard and mustache] You're looking healthy.
Freddy Krueger
Chinstrap! What happened? You run out of stoolies to do your work?
Dr. Chinstrap
Alright, look, we're in a pickle again and we need your help. Got some people trapped inside a dream.
Freddy Krueger
Told you a long time ago: I gave that up. [resumes splitting wood]
Dr. Chinstrap
There's some good men stuck in there.
Freddy Krueger
[stops and turns around, exasperated] I said I'm done with it! [the cabin door and a woman with two kids appears in the doorway]
Woman
Everything all right, Fred?
Freddy Krueger
It's fine, Peg. Get back in the house. [Peg tugs at her kids and they all go back inside]
Dr. Chinstrap
Wife and kids.
Freddy Krueger
No thanks to you.
Dr. Chinstrap
We need ya Fred.
Freddy Krueger
Like you needed me to kill those teenagers to stop the Russians?!
Dr. Chinstrap
We had a country to protect!
Freddy Krueger
Protect it yourselves this time.
Dr. Chinstrap
Dammit I'm not working for the military anymore, Krueger!
Freddy Krueger
Then you should have no problem covering it up. [resumes splitting wood]
Dr. Chinstrap
[a few seconds later] Some of those trapped are firemen. Public servants, innocent in all of this.
Freddy Krueger
[stops, sighs, and throws his axe away] Alright, fine.
Frisco Woods, day. Mackey and Billy finally face off and Mackey is ready to fight
Mackey
Alright Billy, I'm not gonna let you hurt me this time, hm'kay? This time I'm gonna stand up for myself!
Billy
You? Gonna fight back? I don't think so! [Stan and Mr. Yelman look on]
Stan
You can do it Mr. Mackey.
Mackey
Go ahead and do your worst, Billy. I'm facing you head-on, m'kay?
Billy
Alright Mackey. Take this. [rears his right arm back and is about to deliver a punch when a gunshot kills him. A second gunshot hits him for good measure. The five experts converge on Billy and his friends and shoot them thoroughly]
DiCaprio
Get the perimeter secure! Make sure they're dead!
Stan
What the hell?
Expert 2
We got 'em! The bad memories are dead.
Fire Captain
[through his bullhorn] Alright everyone, this is the fire department. Do not panic.
Stan
Who are you people?
DiCaprio
We came here to rescue you from the bad guys in Mackey's dream.
Stan
Well uh, wouldn't it be better to have Mackey face them on his own?
Expert 1
No. As long as the source of the drama is wiped out, the counselor can wake up.
Expert 2
Right. [nothing happens]
Stan
...So then why aren't we waking up?
Expert 2
Unless... the bullies aren't the source of the counselor's bad memory.
Mackey
Hey that's right. The bullies didn't even beat me up that day. I, I ran away from them.
Expert 2
[strokes the back of his neck with his left hand] Oh, whoops.
Mackey
[begins to walk away] I remember. [walks to a small shack nearby] I ran and I ran and I hid in this building here. And somebody was in there. Somebody who talked to me real nice and then... and then touched me somewhere bad. [pushes the door open. Woodsy is molesting the actual boy Mackey]
Real Mackey
No Woodsy! Hmkay? Don't touch muh pee pee. No Woodsy, please. I'll give a hoot, hm'kay?
Mackey
Woodsy Owl! No! I'll never litter again! I'll keep all my trash! No please Woodsy no! [the woods begin to rumble and shake]
Fire Captain
What's happening?
Expert 2
Dream conundrum. This is bad. [Woodsy breaks through the front wall of the shack with glowing red eyes and roars]
Fire Captain
What the hell's going on?
DiCaprio
The bad memory is manifesting itself! It didn't wanna be exposed! [Woodsy runs towards the group. The experts begin shooting at it and advance, but Woodsy remains unharmed] Our dream bullets don't hurt it. [Woodsy reaches for Mr. Yelman and decapitates him with a swipe of his left wing]
Mackey
No! No more, Woodsy. [hides his face]
Stan
Mr. Mackey, you have to wake up now!
Expert 1
He can't! Don't you get it?! We're all gonna go to limbo! [Woodsy roars again, and Freddy's blades rip through Woody's back and chest]
Freddy Krueger
There's a real hoot for ya, Woodsy! [pulls his blades out and Woodsy falls down dead]
Mackey
It's dead... It's finally dead. [grins]
The observation room. Dr. Chinstrap reads the printouts this time
Dr. Chinstrap
Something's happening. I'm getting Bogart levels on all counter ups.
Pinkerton
They're waking up. They're coming to. [enters the lab, and Dr. Chinstrap follows]
The lab. Everyone is finally out of Mackey's dream
Dr. Chinstrap
Ahhh, you're back, everyone! [grins]
Randy
Aw, dammit. [Sharon is just happy Stan is back as they grin at each other]
Fire Captain
Thanks, Freddy.
Freddy Krueger
If only I could have saved the sheep herder.
Dr. Chinstrap
Well, did you find the painful source of your hoarding problems, Mr. Mackey?
Mr. Mackey
I sure did.
DiCaprio
Turns out he was molested by Woodsy Owl.
Mr. Mackey
I completely blocked it from my memory, hm'kay?
Fire Captain
So, he was hoarding because when he tried to throw things away his subconscious would remember Woodsy's voice saying "Give a hoot, don't pollute" and touching his penis with his wing?
Pinkerton
Wow, that is so complex and trippy and cool!
Dr. Chinstrap
Well, now that we've uncovered Mackey's source of hoarding, we can finally move on to yours, Stan. Are you ready for your therapy?
Stan
[thinks a moment] I think I have a better idea.
South Park Elementary, day. Stan is cleaning out his locker. Kyle and Wendy walk up to him
Wendy
Stan, did you find out the reason you've been hoarding?
Stan
Whatever it is, I don't wanna know. I'm just gonna throw this crap away like I should have to begin with.
Kyle
But dude, there must be something in your past you're not dealing with.
Stan
Don't care. After going through all that crap and seeing what happened to Mackey, I don't want any part of therapy!
Kyle
How do you know... [this stops Stan cold] that wasn't your therapy? [Dr. Chinstrap walks up and begins his accompaniment...]
End of Insheeption
  1410: "Insheeption" edit
Story Elements

Stan MarshMr. MackeyMr. YelmanDr. ChinstrapWoodsy OwlFrisco WoodsLeonardo DiCaprio

Media

ImagesScriptWatch Episode

Release

South Park: The Complete Fourteenth Season