Ms. Cartman tells Cartman she's bought him a present that will help him win the South Park Spelling Bee. She then shows him Hooked on Monkey Phonics. It's a device that features a drum playing monkey that plays to a cassette which teaches pronunciation and spelling of words. Reluctant to try at first, Cartman soon feels he can actually win the spelling bee.
At the spelling bee, Jimbo tells everyone he's bet on Kyle winning to Gerald's shock. Stan, Kyle and Cartman are preparing while Cartman and Kyle argue on who will win. Suddenly, two home schooled kids called Mark and Rebecca Cotswolds show up to Jimbo's anger.
The contest begins and Cartman loses immediately on the word "chair". Kyle and the two home schooled kids make their way through to the finals, but Kyle fails on an extremely hard word, causing the home schooled kids to win.
Kyle has taken a liking to Rebecca and develops a crush on her. Stan, Kyle and Kenny then ask Mark what home schooling is. Cartman catches onto what a good idea it is.
At their home, Mark asks if he can go to public school to which his parents reluctantly allow. Kyle then asks to talk to Rebecca but is too nervous and leaves, making Mr. Cotswolds worried about his children's situations.
At school, Cartman has had enough of Mr. Garrison ridiculing him and goes to be home schooled. Mark (who is in a hamster ball for his protection) answers all of Garrison's questions.
In the playground, boys make Mark come out his hamster ball and duct tape him to the bench.
Kyle then sings a song to Rebecca but she believes he is busking and gives him money.
Mr. Cotswolds goes to the town bar to talk to the boys' fathers about Mark being bullied and Rebecca being approached by Kyle, but ends duct taped to a bench after he reveals he likes wine coolers and not beer.
Mark is later duct taped again and after hearing about the Bay of Pigs Memorial Dance Kyle decides to ask Rebecca if she'll go with him to it.
Kyle visits Rebecca's house and plays Doctors and Nurses to her parents' horror (although, in fact, she was practicing brain surgery, not exploring genitalia as her parents thought). Kyle becomes frustrated after Rebecca says she won't go to the dance with him.
Cartman is visited by Stan and Kenny who tell him about the dance. Cartman has been lying in bed instead of being home schooled. Phonics Monkey goes mad from lack of food and kills Kenny.
At the Cotswolds house, Kyle finally convinces Rebecca to go with him and kisses her. She suddenly changes and tells him "he can bet his sweet ass she'll go".
At the dance, Rebecca is flirting with all the boys and has become a whore. When Mark sees what has happened to Rebecca he beats Kyle up and everyone thinks he's actually quite cool. Mark's father comes in and shuts off the music and asks where his children are. Mark then explains to his father that he can't keep protecting them since they need to socialize, or otherwise they will go downhill when they discover sexual activity, as did Rebecca. Everyone then wants to hang out with Mark and his father is duct taped to the flag pole.