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Cast

  • Timmy Burch
  • Nathan
  • Mimsy
  • Jimbo Kern
  • Stephen Stotch
  • Linda Stotch
  • Stuart McCormick
  • Mrs. McCormick
  • Randy Marsh
  • Sharon Marsh
  • Gerald Broflovski
  • Sheila Broflovski
  • Nathan's Parents
  • SP Taxi drivers: Russian, Arab, American
  • SP Cabbie
  • Seven Handicar Drivers
  • Announcers
  • BBC Anchor
  • CNN Anchor
  • Dick Dastardly and Muttley
  • Elon Musk and four of his executives
  • Food 4 Little Manager
  • Matthew McConaughey
  • Older and Younger Man
  • Passenger
  • Three Reporters
  • Hummer Salesman Mr. Stevenson
  • Shoppers
  • Counselor Steve
  • Two Women

Script

Handicar
The Bijou, night. A movie has ended, probably "Gone Girl," and moviegoers are now going home. Among them are Gerald and Sheila Broflovski, Stephen and Linda Stotch, and Bob and Linda Black.
Stephen
[with phone in hand] Well that was a lot of fun. Thanks for inviting us, guys.
Sheila
Sure. You bet.
Gerald
Are you guys parked over here?
Stephen
Oh nonono, we took a Handicar. It was easier that way.
Gerald
A Handicar? What's that?
Linda
You don't use Handicar?
Stephen
No, see, you just get the Handicar app. It uses GPS to locate where you are, and the Handicar comes and picks you up.
Gerald
Wow...
Stephen
Yeah, and it's cheaper than a taxi. I'm telling you, it's the future of transportation. Oh, here it comes. [sees Linda talking to the Blacks] Honey, our Handicar is here.
Timmy
Timmy! [Linda waves goodbye to the Blacks and she joins Stephen in the Handicar, driven by Timmy.]
Stephen
Have fun drivin' home. I'll be relaxing on my iPad. [The Handicar is a wheelchair with a Lil Zipper attached. The Lil Zipper is equipped with a table setting for two, including a candle and flower in vase.]
Gerald
Lucky.
Timmy
Timmy. [pulls away]
Stephen
Download the app! It works great! [Gerald whips out his phone and goes looking for the app. He finds it and downloads it.]
South Park, day. A cab goes down the street. A Russian driver is shown with his passenger
Passenger
Ahh, [pinches his nose] Excuse me, I think someone puked back here. [pinches his nose again]
Russian
You don't like puke?
Passenger
Could you turn the radio down and the air conditioning up, please?
Russian
No air conditioning. Too expensive. [the light turns red and the driver brakes hard, causing the passenger to hit his head on the back of the front seat.]
Passenger
Agh!
Russian
Not enough people taking cab. Don't know what's wrong!
Timmy
Timmih! [both driver and passenger look to the right. Timmy drives by in his wheelchair towing a man in his Lil Zipper, which is equipped with a table, tablecloth, candle, and two chairs. The man is sipping wine.]
Russian
What the fuck?
The Hummer car dealership, day. Mr. Stevenson is on the sidewalk trying to drum up some business.
Mr. Stevenson
We've got a big sales event going on, folks. [sees two men across the street] Hey guys. Can I get you in a 2014 Hummer? Rocktober sales event, guys.
Younger Man
No thanks.
Mr. Stevenson
[plays some air guitar] Only a few more guitar licks left in Rocktober, guys.
Older Man
We're good. Shut up! [Timmy pulls up]
Younger Man
Oh, here's our Handicar.
Timmy
Timmy. [he stops, and the men get in.]
Mr. Stevenson
The fuck?
A meeting room, day. Three counselors stand before a group of handicapped kids. Among them are Jimmy, Francis, and Timmy. Counselor Steve begins to speak
Steve
All right, kids, you know what time of year this is? [the handicapped kids cheer] That's right, it's autumn! And that means our fundraising for next year's summer camp is in full gear. Is everyone psyched for next year's summer camp?
All
Yeeaahhh!
Steve
So far, Jimmy has raised $16!
All
Yeeaahhh!
Steve
Francis has raised $29.32 [the kids cheer] And Timmy has raised $2,063.00!
Timmy
Timmy! [the other kids cheer]
Steve
All righty, if you guys keep this up, we'll raise the money for summer camp in no time! [the kids cheer. Off to the side, in the open doorway, are Nathan and Mimsy.]
Nathan
[turns around. Mimsy does too.] I won't do it, Mimsy. I won't spend another summer at that stupid camp.
Mimsy
D'awww, we don't like camp, boss?
Nathan
We hate camp, Mimsy. The singing, the competitions, Jimmy Valmer getting all the chicks.
Mimsy
D'oh yeah and don't forget last year at summer camp, you got raped by a shark. [laughs. Nathan jumps in the air and smacks Mimsy on the right cheek with his left hand]
Nathan
Shut up, Mimsyyyy! I'm not gonna spend my summer trapped at that camp with these punch-happy assholes. We gotta find a way to put Handicar out of business, and fast.
Mimsy
D'ah oh boy! We're gonna wreck Timmy's business, huh boss?
Nathan
Shh-shh. [the counselor reaches them]
Steve
Hey boys, are you excited for camp next year?
Nathan
Yes, Counselor Steve. We like the tug-of-waaarr.
Steve
All right. Well, just keep working on those donations. [leaves]
Nathan
Come on, Mimsy, we gotta figure out how we're gonna make Handicar a thing of the past.
Mimsy
D'oh boy!
Park County Community Center, night. The parking lot is full of cabs. Inside are three SP Taxi drivers, an SP Cabbie, and Mr. Stevenson
SP Cabbie
[wears an SP Cab hat] We are united as brothers, because jast as Handicar has taken away jobs from honest, hard-working cab drivers, it's also taken food [slams his fist on the podium] from the mouths of the children of car salesmen!
Mr. Stevenson
Well I don't have any children.
Russian
Who does this handicapped boy think he is?! He's not even in union!
Arab
He's taking all our business because people find it more coomvenient.
SP Cabbie
Aaand, because he's handicapped, he can use special access points and parking spaces. That kid was born with an unfair advantage!
Arab
Who is this rat?!
Nathan
His name is Timmy Burch. [the adults turn to look at him] And if you don't do something quick, you're all gonna be out of work for good.
American
Who are you?!
Nathan
Just someone who doesn't like to see hard workers like yourselves lose their jobs. That's all.
Russian
Nobody takes jobs away from US! We need to speak to Mayor and tell her to shut down this illegitimate business!
Arab
Or maybe we can have the police shut him down!
Mimsy
Hey I got an idea! Why don't you guys just make your cars cleaner and nicer, and try to be better to your customers so that you can compete with Handicar's popularity in the marketplace?
Nathan
Just ignore my friend. He's mentally disabled.
Mimsy
Aw yeah, don't mind me.
Nathan
Now listen, everybody. If you're a sheepherder, and there's a snake taking away your sheep, what do you do to the snake?
Mr. Stevenson
Offer it last year's Christmas in Rocksummer prizes?
Nathan
No, you fucking moron! You kill... the snake! [the drivers look at each other]
Timmy's room, night. He's fast asleep when several shadows pop up outside his window. It turns out to be the SP cabbie, followed by the Russian and Arab cabbies.
SP Cabbie
Hey wake up, you little scab!
Timmy
[waking up] Tutih Tuh-Timmih?
SP Cabbie
We got a message for ya! From the union. [holds up a bat. The three cab drivers begin beating Timmy with baseball bats]
South Park, next day, daytime. Nathan and Mimsy walk along a sidewalk
Nathan
Just imagine it, Mimsy. A whole summer to ourselves to do what we want. It's going to be awesome. [The curb has a line of cabs on it, and they come across the cabbies who visited Timmy the night before.] Well well, hello gentlemen. I understand you've taken care of our little problem?
SP Cabbie
Yeah, we sure did!
Russian
Let's just say he'll be laid up a while.
SP Cabbie
Yeah. We snuck in his room last night and we... broke his legs!
Nathan
Oh boy, that's great-wait, you what??
Timmy
Timmy! [drives by, seemingly unharmed]
Randy
[taking a ride in the Handicar] I am Lorde. Lawdy Lawdy Lorde.
Russian
But we broke his legs. Both of them.
Nathan
Let me give you guys a hot news flash: If you want to hurt a crippled kid, you don't break his FUCKING LEGS!
The park, sometime later. Nathan and Mimsy sit on a bench
Nathan
How can people be so ineffectual, Mimsy?
Mimsy
D'uh I don't know, boss.
Nathan
These are supposed to be men who care about their occupations.
Mimsy
D'uh maybe if they're that incompetent we shouldn't be tryin' to save their jobs. Maybe Handicar is a kind of economic natural selection, where the more diligent workers are weeding out the useless ones. Drrrrr.
Nathan
[smacks him again] Shut up, Mimsyyyy!
In another part of town, Timmy is driving a woman home
Woman 1
Right here is good. [gets off at her house] Thank you. I can just use the app to tip you, right?
Timmy
Timmy!
Woman 1
Ohohh, this is so handy! [goes to the front door] Thank you!
Timmy
Timmy. [gets a new call from an unknown caller and answers it] Tiiimmih Timmih.
Nathan
Hey Timmy, it's your friend from camp, Nathan.
Timmy
Timmih!
Nathan
Listen, you can't possibly handle all this business you're getting. Admit it. You've got more customers than you can handle.
Timmy
[sighs] Timmih.
Nathan
I've got an amazing idea. Why don't you let other people drive Handicars too? Think of all the money you could raise for camp if you expand your business.
Timmy
[thinking it over] Hmmm, Timmih.
Nathan
I'm sure you could find a lot of interested drivers.
Timmy
[smiles] Timmy! [grins. He likes the idea]
Nathan
That's great. Summer camp, here we come. [hangs up] Now kiss your business goodbye, asshole!
A neighborhood, sometime later. Nathan is now in a wheelchair as a new Handicar driver
Mimsy
D'ah I don't get it boss. I thought you hated Handicar. How come now you wanna work for 'em?
Nathan
It's very simple, Mimsy. I'm gonna take down Handicar by being an employee who sexually harasses the passengers.
Mimsy
D'ahhh, sexual harassment, boss?
Nathan
It's simple. If you're a sheepherder and a snake is killing your sheep, you just need to have the snake get sued for sexual misconduct. Now, you find me a female passenger on that app and leave the rest to me.
Mimsy
D'ah oh boy!
Later, Nathan goes on his first drive as a Handicar driver. His phone indicates that he has a passenger waiting for a pick up close by
Nathan
[arrives] Timmy. Hello ma'am. Handicar at your service. Climb on in. [she gets in without saying a word] So, let me ask you a question. Would you like to see my dick?
Woman 2
[a transvestite] Sure. Would you like to see mine?
Nathan
Uh oh!
At the Men's restroom in the park, Nathan is heard getting pounded with some funny sound effects
Nathan
Mimsy! Hel- help, Mimsy! [Mimsy approaches, but stays outside. The passenger exits the restroom and walks away. Nathan waddles out, hair and clothes disheveled] And I thought a shark was bad. [cartoon flourish at the end]
The Broflovski house, evening. Gerald and Sheila exit and lock the door
Gerald
Come on, honey. It says our Handicar is just pulling up.
Stephen
Timmy! Oh hi, Gerald, Sheila.
Gerald
Stephen, what are you doing?
Stephen
You didn't know? Anyone can be a Handicar driver now. All you have to do is get your own wheelchair and you can earn a Handicap. I've had my Handicap for about three days now. Get on in. [Gerald and Sheila get in, and Stephen pulls away.] I'm telling you Gerald, havin' a Handicar is a great way to make some money on the side. [other Handicar drivers begin to appear]
HC Driver 1
Timmy!
Stephen
Timmy!
HC Driver 2
[a woman] Timmy!
Stephen
The world of transportation is really changing, Gerald.
Mimsy
[standing at a street corner with Nathan] D'aww gee, your idea to have Handicar expand really worked, boss.
HC Driver 3
[getting too close to the curb] 'Scuse me, out of my way, please. I have a Handicap. [drives off]
Nathan
I had a handicap way before you got paid to have one!
Mimsy
D'ahhh, you sound like that Matthew McConaughey guy. Ah "I drove a Lincoln way before I got paid to drive one." Drrrr. [Nathan smacks him again]
Nathan
Shut up Mimsyyy!
Tesla demonstration
Announcer
[female] For the pat eight years Tesla has been the leading innovator in the world of automotive transport. And now the President and CEO of Tesla Motorcars, Elon Musk. [a robotic arm reaches out and grabs a platform behind one of the cars, and Elon Musk is on the platform. The arm sets him down at the foot of the stage as cameas flash away]
Elon Musk
Today I am proud to announce the Tesla D, the most innovative and efficient world-friendly mode of transportation ever created. Any questions?
Reporter 1
Yes, ahh, what about Handicar?
Elon Musk
What about it?!
Reporter 2
Well all over the country prople are realzing that using an app to ride-share is even more convenient and eco-friendly than electric cars.
Reporter 3
How do you intend to compete with this boy genius in Colorado? [Elon Musk is not happy]
Tesla Headquarters. day. An issue of of Tech Today is dropped onto a table next to a Tesla cup of coffee.
Elon Musk
I am so sick of hearing about app-based ride-sharing! The future of transportation is the electric cars, not wheelchairs!
Exec. 1
Don't worry, Elon. Handicar is just a small company.
Exec. 2
Oh sure, operating in a few small towns, but when they start absorbing the taxi markets, bringing taxi sservice to any part of the world, driving your kids to and from school, delivering both people and things?
Exec. 3
We can't compete with Handicar! It's just so damned handy!
Elon Musk
If there is a way to reduce Handicar's positive publicity, then we need to do it now! [walks to the table and plants his hands on it] And you! You say it's theoretically possible?
Nathan
Of course. It's very simple. If you're a sheepherder, and a snake is killing all your sheep, how do you get rid of the snake?
Elon Musk
Who's the sheepherder?
Nathan
You are.
Exec. 4
Who's the snake?
Nathan
Handicar. [a few seconds of silence follow]
Mimsy
D'ah, it's an analogy.
Nathan
[smacks Mimsy] Shut up Mimsyyy! [to Elom Musk] If you're a sheepherder, and a snake is killing your sheep, all you have to do is prove to the sheep that the snake is a completely inferior entity. [the Tesla execs look around at each other]
South Park, day. Timmy is driving around town with a male passenger on his iPad.
HC Driver 4
[going the other way on the street] Timmy!
Timmy
Timmy! [stops at an intersection. A Tesla car speeds up next to him. The passenger window comes down and Nathan looks at him]
Nathan
Hey Timmy. How is the fundraising for camp going?
Timmy
Timmih! [holds his right thumb up]
Nathan
[looks ahead] That's great. I can't wait for camp this year. [looks at Timmy again] We are doing some fundraising too. Have you heard of my friend Elon Musk from Tesla?
Elon Musk
Good day to you!
Timmy
Timmih!
Nathan
Hey, how would you like to have a friendly little race? It would be great publicity for your fundraising and for ours.
Mimsy
[pops up] D'ah we're gonna get Timmy killed in the race, huh boss?
Elon Musk
Shut up, Mimsy! [Mimsy reclines in his seat]
Nathan
Whattaya say, Timmy? A friendly race this Saturday? We'll see you at 9am sharp. [the passenger window goes up, and they peel awat. The resulting wake almost blows the tablecloth off and Timmy's passenger almost losing his iPad keeping the tablecloth in place, At Skeeter's Bar and Coctails, a drunk patron walks out and a Handicar driver arrives to pick him up. He gets in, and they go away]
Skeeter's Bar and Coctails, day, interior. Jimbo looks up at a TV monitor
Jimbo
Hey everyone, you need to see this! [CNN Breaking News]
CNN Anchor
[with glasses] What started as a simple contest is quickly escalating into an international crisis. As electronic cars challenge the oil industry, and transportation alternatives fight for dominance, the unavoidable outcome may be a conflict the likes the world has not seen since the '70s. It appears that the world is once again on the brink [takes off his glasses] of Wacky Races.
Randy
Wacky Races?! Holy shit!
CNN Anchor
The prime minister of Japan (Shinzo Abe is shown) insisted that any race would break the Treaty of Salzburg, which called for a cease-fire to the Wacky Races for their senseless brutality. They also claim that if a race does take place, they would have no choice but to enter their completely self-driven prototype Lexus into the conflict. The Canadians and Chinese are also saying they would be forced to race, and no one yet has heard from Dick Dastardly or Muttley. Unless a miracle happens, this Saturday morning the world will witness the fist Wacky Races in nearly 50 years.
Food 4 Little, day. Shoppers rush in and get all the cereal they can get
Shoppers
Wacky Races oh God! Wacky Races oh my God! Oh my God Wacky Races oh my God!
Gerald
Randy, they're bringin' back Wacky Races Saturday monring!
Randy
I know! Are we watching at your house?!
Manager
That's it, everyone! We're out of cereal!
Shoppers
No! I didn't get any! That guy has two! [more clamoring]
Manager
There's none left, don't you understand?!
The park at South Park, day. All the Handicar drivers are assembled, and Stephen Stotch holds court.
Stephen
Don't you see what they're doing? This is just another example of corporations trying to keep down people with handicaps!
HC Driver 5
Don't do the race. You don't have to prove anything. [Timmy is shown, weary]
HC Driver 6
He HAS to do it, don't you see? He has people that are depending on him to raise as much money as possible. There are hundreds of people with handicaps now.
Timmy
Timmih...
HC Driver 7
But isn't that the problem? I mean, let's face it, it's not like he's able to keep the driver quality up. Anyone can have a Handicap now. I mean, even Matthew McConaughey is a Handicar driver now, for Chrit's sake!
Matthew McConaughey
Hey. [rolls up] I was drivin' a Handicar... way before I got paid to drive one. I just like how it feels.
Stephen
Look, the point is that this is your opportunity to make Handicar- oops, sorry. [loses control of the wheelchair] Hold on, sorry, went too far. [comes back around] This is your opportunity to make Handicar thee transportation of thte future. Think what you could do with all that money. [Timmy begins to think over this]
Wacky Races, Saturday morning. Each driver and car are shown as they are announced.
Announcer
And here they are, the most daredevil group of shared-ride drivers ever to whirl their wheels in the Wacky Races, competing for the title of the future of transportation. Cars are approaching the starting line. First off is the Lyft car [a purple sedan with a huge pink mustache on the grill], a ride-sharing company out of San Francisco. next up is the ZipCar, a pay-by-the-hour concept based on Chinese bicycles. Maneuvering for position is the standard taxicab driven by an angry Russian. Right behind is the Hummer salesman in his 2014 Hummer No Class. And there's ingenious inventor Elon Musk in his new Tesla D. Oh, and here's the lovely Canadian actress Neve Campbell in the Canadian conept vehicle The Queef, powered completely on female natural gas. [she queefs to make it go faster] Next we have the Handicar with Timmy Burch. And there's the completely automated self-driving car from Japan. Limping along last are those double-dealing do-badders Dick Dasterdly and his sidekick Muttley. [Muttley snickers] And away they go on the way out Wacky Races. [a shot of the adults gathered in the Broflovski living room, with milk and Franken Berry and Kap'n Krunch cereals on the coffee table] And this live coverage of the event will be broadcast all morning, of course, on CNN.
Stuart
Jesus. It's begun.
Gerald
God help them all.
Randy
All I know is... if Dastardly and Muttley are up to their old tricks, there's gonna be a lot of violence today.
BBC World
BBC Announcer
You are watching BBC World.
BBC Anchor
The vioent conflict over transport is underway, and it is even more senseless and vile than many remember. We return you now to our live coverage of.. the Wacky Races.
Wacky Races, Saturday monring. The race is well underway across Colorado.
Announcer
As the Wacky Raccers roll down the roadway, we see that the taxicab in in the lead, with Handicar pulling up the rear.
Timmy
[way in back] Timmih!
Announcer
[a map shows up] All the cars must follow the same route. First they'll leave the town of South Park, then navigate through Giggling Gulch on the final stretch to pick up the passenger, a Miss Dotty Applegate. Once the passenger is picked up, the vehicle must successfully deliver her to the destination point at her daughter's house in Morrison. [back to the race] It looks like the ZipCar is trying to vie for position past the Hummer vehicle. It's neck and neck as the Wacky Racers all push to be first to pick up the passenger. [An elderly lady waits for her ride at a Thrift Or Less store] Miss Applegate is waiting patiently. [the racers are shown] And Elon Musk's Tesla appears to take the lead.
Nathan
Slow down. I need Timmy to pick up the passenger before we do.
Elon Musk
But I though we wanted Handicar to lose the race!
Nathan
He can't just lose the race, he has to get sued and lose the whole business. That's why when he picks up the passemger, I've got a little surprise waiting for him. [he shows off a control pad]
Mimsy
D'ah hey boss, it seems like every time you come up with a plan it kind of backfires on ya. If you really don't wanna go to summer camp so bad, why don't you just tell your parents how you feel? [Nathan and Elon just look at him] You know, tell 'em you don't wanna go and just see how they react. [they keep loooking at him, and he gets a clue] Wait wait, I got it. [smacks himself] Shut up, Mimsy!
Nathan
Hey Mimsy.
Mimsy
[leans forward] Yeah?
Nathan
[smacks him] Shut up! [Mimsy sits back]
Announcer
The Canadian car overtakes the self-driving car. And now here comes the ZipCar, which is being driven by Matthew McConaughey.
Matthew McConaughey
[nice mood music in the car] I was drivin' a ZipCar... way before I got paid to drive one.
Announcer
And look at this! The Lyft car is the first to arrive and pick up the passenger. [Ms Applegate gets into the back seat, and the Lyft driver takes off] Now the Lyft car must take the passenger to her destination, but look at this! The Hummer salesman is running the Lyft car off the road! And the Hummer salesman is taking the passenger to the car and he is gong to let her drive herself!
Mr. Stevenson
[pitching the Hummer to her] You've got a fully automated sound system and your sunroof is operated right here. What do you think? Huh? Can you see yourself in one of these puppies?
Announcer
Elon Musk is using one of his kooky inventions to put the Hummer out of commission for good. [a cannon rises out of the Tesla and fires a shot at the Hummer. The missile hits the Hummer and blows it up.]
Gerald
Wow.
Randy
Geez!
Stuart
God.
Randy
Did you see that?! Oh!
Announcer
The passenger is being taken to the Tesla D now. [Mr. Stevenson is dead, the Hummer is totaled. Musk escorts Miss Applegate, but the South Park taxi driver scoops her up] No way! She just got snatched by the pissed off Russian in his taxi. Miss Applegate is now in the back of the taxi and she's being forced to watch Jimmy Fallon. [Fallon is rubbing a giant pickle in his guest's face. Meanwhile, The Queef has stupped running] Uh oh, the Canadian car has completely run out of queefs. [Heve tries three times, but there are no more queefs in her] With the race neearly over, it's taxi out in front followed by self-driving car, and then pulling up in third is Handicar!
Timmy
Timmih!
Announcer
It's gonna be a close one!
Dick Dastardly
Not too close, Boopsie! [Muttley snickers]
Announcer
Oh no, Dick Dastardly is up to no-do-goodery again.
Randy
Ohh! Ohh! Duuude! [Dick Dastardly saws a tree in two, and the tree falls on the taxi, destroying it and the self-driving car that runs into the taxi. The adults in the Broflovski living room react to this]
Gerald
Oh no! Ohh!
Sharon
Oh no, I can't watch! [shields her face.]
Randy
Oooo! Booom!
Mrs. McCormick
Ohohohh!
Stuart
Nice! Oh yeah! [Sheila just hides her eyes]
Announcer
And there's Handicar to pick Miss Applegate up. [she climbs in and the Tesla is pulling up fast]
Nathan
That's it! Handicar has the passenger! We're almost in range! Another hundred feet! [sees a bunch of cars closing in on him on his phone] Wait a minute. What the hell are all those cars? [lowers his window] Holy shit! [sees a fleet of Handicar drivers coming at the Tesla]
HC drivers
Timmy! Timmy! [the drivers just bunch up on the Tesla and push it over on its side]
Elon Musk
Aaaaaah!
HC drivers
Timmy!
Announcer
We're near the finish line; the race is almost over. Handicar is in the lead, still way out in front of the ZipCar driven by Matthew McConaughey. [a shot of Matthew listening to his mood music]
Matthew McConaughey
Sometimes you gotta go forward by goin' backward. Are we drivin' cars or are cars... drivin' us?
Announcer
Dastardly car is racing past both. [Nathan and Mimsy hijacked it. Mimsy is driving] This could be an upset, folks. [Mimsy makes a U-turn and parks the Dastardly car off the road. He and Nathan get out]
Timmy
Timmih!
Nathan
Goodnight, you son of a bitch! [the ZipCar reaches them and Nathan presses the detonator on his control pad. The ZipCar blows up. Mimsy and Nathan take notice] Mimsy! I told you to put the explosives under Timmy's seat!
Mimsy
D'ahh you told me to put the explosives under the seat of that fake soft-spoken douchebag that everyone loves!
Nathan
Not that fake soft-spoken douchebag that everyone loves! [secondary explosions create a portal above Matthew McConaughey, and he's sucked in]
Announcer
Oh my, it appears that an explosion has opend up a wormhole with Matthew McConaughey inside.
Matthew McConaughey
Mimsy! [the car levitates a bit, but as soon as the wormhole is gone, it falls back on the road]
Announcer
And there's the finish. It looks like Handicar has done it!
Timmy
Timmih! [the handicapped kids all cheer]
The meeting room, day. Steve gives Timmy a ribbon
Steve
A big congratulations to our fundraising champion! After selling the Handicar rights to Elon Musk, Timmy has raised 2.3 billion dollars for summer camp. [the kids cheer] Great job to all of you. This is sure to be the best summer camp ever! [more cheering]
Nathan's house, night.
Nathan's Mom
All set for bed, honey?
Nathan
Yeah I like to sleep at nighttime.
Nathan's Mom
All right, goodnight. [kisses him on the temple and heads for the door]
Nathan
Wait! [she stops] Wait, Mom? Can we talk?
Nathan's Mom
Um... yes, o-of course. [sits down on his bed]
Nathan
This is very difficult, Mom. But um... You know how every year I go to summer camp? Well, I hate it. I hate it and I don't want to go anymore.
Nathan's Mom
I'm sorry, I can't understand you honey. You're handicapped.
Nathan
What's to understand? I'm telling you I don't want to that stupid camp anymore!
Nathan's Mom
You want water? Is that what you want?
Nathan
No! I don't wanna go to camp!
Nathan's Mom
Ohhh yes, okay honey, I'll turn off the lamp. [gets up, turns it off, and walks out, closing the door behind her]
Nathan
No! That's not what I fucking said! [stumbles around in his room] Goddamnit, now I can't even see! Ow!
Outside Nathan's room
Nathan's Dad
What's he saying?
Nathan's Mom
That he doesn't wanna go to summer camp this year, but I'll be damned if he's gonna ruin our Italy trip.
Nathan's Dad
Right.
Nathan
[still stumbling in his room] Oh! Aah! Mimsy!
End of Handicar
  1804: "Handicar" edit
Story Elements

Handi CarElon Musk • Wacky Races • Angry Taxi-Cab Drivers • Dick Dastardly and MuttleyMatthew McConaughey • Food 4 Little

Media

ImagesScriptsVideo

Release

South Park: The Complete Eighteenth Season