iPads are the new popular item and everyone has one, except for Cartman, who is caught pretending to have one, and Kenny who also doesn't have one because he is too poor to have one, so he watches his friends play with theirs instead. Kyle is chased through the town and kidnapped by Apple employees, who claim their actions are legal under the newest version of the iTunes terms and conditions, which Kyle agreed to without reading. He is thrown into a prison cell with a Japanese man and a Caucasian woman. Meanwhile, Cartman embarrasses his mother, Liane at Best Buy, loudly accusing her of "fucking" him (as in fucking him over but saying things like "Why don't you go across the street and buy some condoms? Because we should at least be safe if you're gonna fuck me, Mom!") for offering to buy him the cheaper "Toshiba HandiBook" rather than the iPad, due to the cost of being very expensive. After he tries to get the police involved, in a rare moment of strictness, she refuses to buy him anything ever again and takes him home.
At a gathering of Apple employees, Steve Jobs unveils the new product for which Kyle and the other two were kidnapped, the HUMANCENTiPAD, comprising of the three kidnapped subjects on all fours, wearing only white cloths around their waists and sewn together mouth to anus. The Japanese man is in front, with an iPhone attached to his forehead; Kyle is in the middle; and the Caucasian woman is at the rear, with an iPad attached to her anus and powered by the trio's feces. Jobs intends to teach the creation to read and walk, but is disappointed when Kyle continues to sign agreements that are put in front of him without reading them first. Back in South Park, Gerald goes with the boys to the Apple store to seek advice from "the Geniuses", who, after performing several rituals, conclude that they can make Kyle's agreement void if Gerald, a PC user, signs up with Apple and creates a family account.
Meanwhile, Cartman appears on the Dr. Phil show to publicly accuse Liane of "fucking" him. The audience takes his side despite her protests that he is lying; as a consolation gift, he is given the first ever HUMANCENTiPAD as Jobs unveils it to the public. Shortly afterward, Gerald and Apple employees come in on the scene to tell Jobs that Kyle must be released, since his agreement to the iTunes terms and conditions is no longer valid. Kyle and the two others are taken away to be separated after Steve Jobs realizes his agreement isn't valid, and Cartman, enraged at having his dream taken away so quickly, shouts at God to stop "fucking" him. A sudden bolt of lightning strikes him, sending him to the hospital. The last shot is Cartman battered and bruised and in casts crying. Liane is seen beside him flipping a magazine, seemingly unaffected by her son's state, possibly because he embarrassed her both in a store and on national television.