Leftarrow "Cash For Gold/Script" "Faith Hilling/Script" "Jewpacabra/Script" Rightarrow


  • Stan Marsh
  • Kyle Broflovski
  • Eric Cartman
  • Kenny McCormick
  • Butters Stotch
  • Professor Lamont
  • Craig Tucker
  • Mr. Kitty
  • Rick Santorum
  • Mitt Romney
  • Newt Gingrich
  • Ron Paul
  • Speaker
  • Ryan and Barkley
  • Tommy and his wife
  • Pete
  • Ambassador of Humans
  • The Talking Cat
  • Various Children and Adults
  • Various Reporters
  • Various Agents


[CNN Conference Room. Rick Santorum, Mitt Romney, Newt Gingrich and Ron Paul are standing behind their benches, debating. A loud applause is heard.]
Mitt: I know the people are going to say, oh you should only practice it this way or that way.
Rick: I believe in capitalism too. I believe in capitalism for everybody.
Newt What he said, which I find mildly amazing, was that he thought I would have a hard time debating Barack Obama.
Ron: We faced something much much greater after World War II. [the camera pans to Stan, who is in the audience] We had ten million coming home at once. What did we do then? Some liberals said we need more work programs-
Stan: Tango, Tango, I'm in position.
Kyle: [offscreen] Copy, tango. Clear vantage point?
Stan: It will have to do. We're not getting closer.
Kyle: Alright, Butters. Bring it in.
Butters: [going through a hallway with a trolley] Equipment is flying in, ten seconds.
Kyle: Copy that. 10 seconds, Cartman.
Cartman: [in a wooden dark place with two wires on the ground] I can hear Kyle, just tell me when to go.
[The conference room is shown again. The audience applauds as Stan looks around. The Secret Service agents are shown.]
Agent 1: We might have a problem.
Agent 2: What's that?
Agent 1: We just got word somebody might try to Faith Hill this event.
Agent 2: Lock down the whole perimeter. Nobody is Faith Hilling, not on my watch! [raises his fists and walks away. The stage is shown through Stan's angle. Three other agents step on the stage.]
Stan: I think they're onto us guys. Let's do this. [Butters takes a plate from the trolley, which has an iPhone on it, and walks to the left. Meanwhile Kenny comes from the opposite direction, taking the iPhone and passing it to Stan.] I got it.
Agent 3: Hey, somebody is under the stage.
Kyle: Go Cartman! [Cartman runs up and comes on the stage. He cheerfully pulls his shirt out near the nipple area. Stan takes a picture. Four agents come up to chase Cartman.]
[Outside the conference room. Butters, Stan, Kyle, Kenny and Cartman run out.]
Butters We got it. We got it!
Stan: Go, go, go.
Cartman: Hehe hehe, that was sweet you guys. [The agents run after them.]
[The news]
Reporter: First, there was planking. [various images of people planking come up] People taking pictures of themselves in a planked position and putting the photos on the Internet. Planking was soon replaced by owling. [a picture of a boy with his knees drawn to his chest] And after the Super Bowl by Bradying. [New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady as well as an overweight man, both sitting on the ground with their legs straight out, hands clasped and looking down] But the newest meme involves pulling the shirt out to look like boobs. [Cartman pulling out his shirt at the debate is shown, this time fullscreen] It's called Faith Hilling. And all around the world people are doing it. [A black boy pulling his red shirt, then a ginger boy with a cap doing the exact same thing with his grey-and-white sweatshirt] Kids, adults, and even notable celebrities are getting into the act. [L.A. Lakers player Kobe Bryant is shown pulling on his jersey. The news studio comes to view again.] But as Faith Hilling is more and more popular, the question on everyone's mind, who will be the first to die doing it?
[South Park Elementary, day. The boys are in a wooden room, being lectured by Professor Lamont.]
Lamont: I have been sent here because you children are playing with fire! [the children are listening to him, Cartman has a bored look] Faith Hilling is nothing more than an evolution of Bradying. From football quarterback to football singer.
Cartman: Oh, please. Bradying is so 2000 and late.
Lamont: [lowers the screen] I know you all think what you're doing is new and hip and cool. But the truth is memeing has been around a long time. We're gonna watch a film strip now, that's a little dated but I think it gets the point across. [projects the film]
[The film, 'BLOODY SUNDAY: The Dangers of MEMEING', begins. A man with an old style hair is sitting in a classroom with a outdated TV and a poster for the computer club which has a picture of an old computer]
Speaker: For many young people today taking pictures in silly poses becomes a dangerous past time. The latest meme has also become the most deadly. It's called Tebowing [The caption TEBOWING appears in the middle of the screen].
[Residential area. Two boys are walking towards a grassy area leading to the railroad tracks. One of the boys has an iPhone in his hands.]
Speaker: [offscreen] This is Ryan and Barkley. They're about to learn how dangerous Tebowing can be.
Ryan: Here is a good place. I'll do it right here.
Barkley: I don't know, Ryan. You sure this is a good idea? [Ryan walks onto a railway]
Ryan: Stop being a scaredy-cat. It will just take a second. How could I get hurt? [kneels down and puts his right elbow on his right knee, closing his eyes as well as pinching his nose bridge]
Barkley: Okay, hold still. [puts up his iPhone. A train horn is heard.] What's that?
Ryan: A traaain! AAAAAA! [Barkley and Ryan continue to scream and look around while staying in the same position. The train is still off in the distance.]
Barkley: RYAN!
Ryan: No, no! Nooo! No, no, no, no, noooo! [The train finally comes at full force and hits Ryan, severing him in half and covering Barkley in blood. In the classroom, Butters screams after what he has seen.]
[Residential area. Barkley, covered in blood, stands at the railroad tracks and looks down in horror at Ryan's severed body]
Barkley: RYAN!
Ryan: Learn from me. [dies]
[Secluded area, nighttime. A young couple is sitting in a parked car.]
Woman 1: This sure is a nice car, Tommy. [raises her iPhone] Would you like to get a picture of me Tebowing in it?
Tommy: Sure. [gets the iPhone to take her picture. As the woman poses, the train's headlight appears in the distance and its horn is heard.] What is that?
Woman 1: Oh my God, it's coming!
Tommy: God no! [he exits the car while she continues Tebowing inside, revealing that they parked on the railroad track] No, no!
Woman 1: [scared] Tommy, d-did you get the picture?
Tommy: Hold on, wait, hold on! [hurriedly presses on the iPhone, then gets ready to take the picture]
Woman 1: Hurry, hurry! AAAAA! [The train finally comes at full force and crushes the car as Tommy runs off. Her bloody, severed head then lands onto a dirt field next to the track and her mouth opens] Aaah! [The classroom. Butters screams again in horror.]
[A man with a yellow shirt and round sunglasses is looking upward and talking to his friend and holding an iPhone.]
Man 1: Be careful up there, Pete.
Pete: [Tebowing on top of a wall with graffiti in a residential area] Just go on and take the picture. [the wall is suddenly destroyed by a train, killing Pete and knocking his friend down, before he quickly gets up and looks on in horror. Butters in the classroom screams.]
[The speaker in the old-fashioned classroom is shown.]
Speaker: These youths paid with their lives for Tebowing. When they posed for pictures they should have remembered there are only three approved memes: peace signs [puts his index and middle fingers up], bunny ears [raises his arm while keeping the previous gesture] and fake wiener [turns his body sideways, bends his left arm and leg] Maybe you think this doesn't apply to you. Maybe you think your memes are safe. Or maybe you're watching this in the future and Tebowing has been replaced by some other meme. Well, if you are watching his in the future, [a blue screen comes to view while the following words of the speaker gets typed] get off your flying cellphone scooters and THINK. Just remember. [a photo of three teenagers from the 1980s. The following lines are sung] Use the approved poses if you want to be a memer. Peace signs! Bunny ears! Fake wiener! [the three memes are demonstrated by the photos of the teenagers performing them.]
[South Park Elementary. The fourth graders come out, almost all having concerned looks on their faces. Stan, Kyle, Kenny, Cartman and Butters walk together.]
Cartman: [yawns] Oh, God. That was boring.
Kenny: (Totally!)
Kyle: So, what do you want to do now?
Cartman: Well, there is the nice French café downtown. Maybe we should get some Faith Hilling pictures there.
Stan: Oh, that's a good idea.
Butters: What?! You mean you guys still plan on Faith Hilling after what we just saw?
Cartman: Butters, Faith Hilling defines our generation.
Butters: Well, count me out.
Kyle: You're gonna give up on Faith Hilling just like that, Butters? How could you?
Butters: Well, I'm scared. [Craig shows up]
Craig: Hey, did you see today's newspaper?
Cartman: Why would we look at a newspaper, retard?
Craig: You guys made the front page.
Cartman: Really? [the boys excitedly run, except for Butters]
[The boys run in a liquor store.]
Stan: Dude, we are on the front page!
Cartman: Yes!
Kenny: (Yeah, dude!)
Stan: Can we get a different pose, please? [hands the clerk two dollars and gets the paper]
Cartman: What's it say, what's it say?
Stan: It says... Oh, oh no. It says Faith Hilling is now all like 2000-late.
Cartman: What? Let me see that. [the newspaper has Cartman's pictured and a headline 'Faith Hilling so 2,000 late']
Kyle: How can that be? Already?
Stan: [reads the newspaper] Public reaction was the stunt pulled off by five elementary school students was not only dangerous and disruptive but also completely passé.
Kyle: How can we be passé? We're only in 4th grade.
Stan: [continues reading] "Faith Hilling is pretty stale," said Republican candidate Newt Gingrich. "If they had crashed the debate by Taylor Swifting that would have been impressive."
Cartman: Taylor Swifting? What the fuck is that?
[Cartman's computer screen. Various people sitting on their bare butts with their hands down between their legs are shown. Cartman is in front of the computer, with Stan and Kyle on his both sides and Kenny behind him.]
Stan: That's all it is? [Kenny moves to the left-hand side]
Cartman: You pull down your pants and wipe your butt on the ground like an old dog. [shows three other guys' pictures]
Kyle: But that's stupid. [Kenny moves to the right-hand side] How can that replace Faith Hilling? It doesn't even make any sense.
Cartman: I can't believe people take the time to do this garbage. [shows a couple of more pictures] This has to be stopped, you guys.
[Outside Café Monet, day. A boy is Taylor Swifting in front of the café. Two girls and a boy watch him as the boy pictures him with his iPhone.]
Boy 1: [giggles] Okay. Hold it there. Okay. That's good, don't move. [the iPhone screen is shown as Cartman photobombs while Faith Hilling.]
Cartman: How is this Kyle? This good? [the boy moves away a bit. The other kids are stunned. The boys stand next to them, Kyle having an iPhone in his hands]
Kyle: Yep, that's great. [glances at the other kids]
Cartman: [continues moving as the other boy tries to get past him] Cool, these will be good uploads.
Boy 2: Hey, what are you doing?
Cartman: Faith Hilling. Why don't you get the fuck out of here?
Boy 1: Oh God. Faith Hilling is so February 2012.
Stan: Saying something is so 2000 and anything is so 2009, you stupid ass wipe.
Boy 2: [starts to crawl away] Come on guys. It's not worth it. We can do our Taylor Swifting somewhere else. [Cartman continues to cover his view] [to Cartman] Knock it off!
Cartman: Why don't you make me? [the boy punches him, Cartman responds by hitting him on the ground. Stan and Kyle begin to punch Boy 1 while Kenny attacks the girls.]
[South Park Elementary, day. The boys are in the wooden classroom again. Professor Lamont brings in a box, then pulls a gun out of it. He loads it with a bullet while the fourth graders bewilderingly watch him.]
Lamont: Yesterday afternoon four kids went to the hospital for injuries resulting from memeing in front of a local cafe. [the boys glance at each other] Faith Hilling, Taylor Swifting. These are things that will get you killed! [puts the gun on Butters' desk] That's a loaded .38. How many of you think it's a smart idea to put a loaded .38 on a 9-year-old's desk? Well, if safety doesn't matter to you go ahead, pick the gun up.
Butters: Oh, that's okay. I think...
Lamont: Pick the gun up! You might as well. Swifting and Hilling is like playing with a loaded gun! Do you all understand my point?
Kids: Yes, sir.
Lamont: Good. Now put the gun in your mouth.
Butters: HA?!
Lamont: Hey! You're following plankers and Tebowers, so put a loaded gun in your mouth! DO IT! [Butters hesitantly puts the gun in his mouth] Everybody take a good look. [points to Butters] This is what you're doing every time you play with Internet memes. YOU ARE PLAYING ROULETTE WITH YOUR FUCKING LIVE! [A hawk is heard offscreen. Two men enter the classroom.]
Man 2: Professor Lamont, we need to talk.
Lamont: I will be right back. [leaves the classroom]
[The gym. The two men are seated at a table, pulling out files out of their briefcases.]
Man 2: You're an expert on memes, Professor Lamont.
Lamont: Yes, what is this about? [puts his bag on the table]
Man 3: We need your expertise, sir.
Man 2: Have you ever heard of another species, memeing on the Internet?
Lamont: Another species? What are you talking about?
Man 3: We were hoping perhaps you could help us understand... [types on his laptop] this. [turns around the laptop. Professor Lamont puts on his reading glasses to look at the screen, which shows various cats with breads around their heads.] Cats have started to put pictures of themselves on the Internet, with bread around their heads. Cat breading, it's called. It's just such an odd thing to do, we thought would you explain it to us.
Lamont: They're evolving. Cats are evolving. [moves the cursor down to see more pictures]
Man 3: Sorry?
Lamont: There are two ways a species evolves. Physically from genes and culturally from memes. Just like genes, memes replicate, mutate and adapt.
Man 2: We're having a hard time following you here.
Lamont: [opens a book] Look. In the 70s there was fonzing. [the book page has two people's pictures with their thumbs up] Which replaced the outdated mustaching. [a guy with his index finger above his lips] In the 60s cultural ideas were passed on by everybody poodle-fisting. [people raising their fists up to the sky] But even that evolved from people ass wedging in the 40s. [the Nazis doing their trademark salute] Even before photographs humans memed for portraits. All the way back to the Egyptians who had pictures painted of themselves donkey ticking. [an Ancient Egypt painting]
Man 2: You are saying cats are showing signs of evolution with their cat breading meme?
Lamont: [walks to the front] If they're putting slices of bread on their heads and taking pictures, [takes his glasses off] they're proving to be almost as intelligent as we are. [dramatic music plays]
[The wooden classroom. The only person left there is Butters, who still has the gun in his mouth. He looks around for a moment, then looks down to the gun again.]
[The Cartman house, day. Mr. Kitty is sleeping over her cat tree. The boys come in, Cartman has a laptop in his hands, which shows a picture of Mr. Kitty cat breading.]
Cartman: Mr. Kitty, do you mind explaining this? [Mr. Kitty looks at him] You wanna tell me why you're putting pictures of yourself on the Internet with bread around your face? This is a bad kitty. Bad! You're taking the idea of Faith Hilling and making it stupid. Bad kitty. [closes his laptop and approaches Mr. Kitty] Bad Mr. Kitty. [Cartman hits Mr. Kitty with a stick. Mr. Kitty hisses, then paws at him.] Bad kitty! No more memeing! [walks away] Come on, guys. [the boys walk out of the room. Cartman turns his back to scold his cat again] Bad Mr. Kitty!
[The boys come out of Cartman's house.]
Stan: Well, I'm glad we took care of that.
Kyle: Yeah, what do you guys wanna do now?
Cartman: I was thinking of maybe Faith Hilling at the place they do AA meeting.
Stan: That's a cool idea
Kenny: [sighs] (Oh, fuck it, dude.) [walks away]
Kyle: W-what's the matter, Kenny?
Kenny: (I don't know. That seems quite pointless.)
Stan: What seems pointless?
Kenny: (Hey, just accept Faith Hilling is out of style!)
Kyle: Hey! [the boys approach Kenny] Faith Hilling is not out of style, alright?
Kenny: (Well,... ...and I can't take any of that!)
Stan: No, no, no! These stupid fads are only that, okay? We can't give in to this crap.
Cartman: Don't give up on Faith Hilling, Kenny. Don't you give up on her.
[Breaking News.]
Reporter: Two Boulder children died today while Oh Long Johnsoning in a battling cage. Oh Long Johnsonning is of course the latest Internet meme which involves putting oneself in a risky situation and then seeing how many times you can say "Oh Long Johnson" on video before getting out of the way.
[A camera recording, showing a batting cage. A teenager comes in]
Boy 3: You ready, you ready?
Boy 4: [offscreen] I'm recording, go.
Boy 3: [the machine throws balls. The boy stands in front of them] Oh Long Johnson. Oh Long Johnson. O-Oh Long- [gets hit by a ball]
Boy 4: Larry!
Reporter: This latest Internet meme is shocking. But most shocking of all is the person who started the meme isn't a person at all, but a cat who seems to have no regard for people's safety.
[A video of a black cat moaning.]
Cat: Oh Long Johnson. Oh Long Johnson. Oh Long Johnson.
Reporter: The cat is now under arrest and awaiting trial for its part in the teenager's death.
[Café Monet, day. Stan crawls in, Taylor Swifting.]
Stan: Oh Long Johnson. Oh Long Johnson.
Boy 1: [his fellows are standing besides him. He has an iPhone in his hands] Yeah, that's good. Now go back the other way.
Stan: [continues to crawl around] Oh Long Johnson, Oh Long- [he is confronted by Stan, Kyle and Kenny]
Cartman: Dude, what's going on?
Stan: Oh, hey, guys. How's it going? [hurriedly puts his pants on]
Kyle: We thought you were meeting us at Cartman's. What are you doing here, Taylor Swifting?
Boy 1: He's not Taylor Swifting, that's old stuff.
Stan: Yeah, now you're doing to see how many times you can say Oh Long Johnson. I thought just, you know, try it out.
Cartman: Guys, remember when we heard about that pollack with one testicle in the revolutionary war? What was his name?
Kyle: Benedict Arnold. [the three boys walk away]
Stan: Oh, come on. You guys need to realize that Faith Hilling is over, okay? [the boys stop] You can pretend all you want, but it's not coming back. [Kenny looks down]
Kyle: Kenny?
Kenny: [approaches Stan and the other boys] (I'm sorry guys. Faith Hilling is just a stupid fad, right?)
Boy 1: If you guys wanna keep Faith Hilling, I'm sure people are still doing it at the old folks home. [he and his friends walk away]
Stan You will like this, Kenny. Pull down your pants. [Kenny pulls down his pants and starts crawling on his butt.]
Kyle: You guys are sellouts.
Cartman: [holds him] Come on, Kyle.
Kyle You're freaking sellouts!
Cartman: It's okay, man, come on.
[An interrogation room. The two men from the gym stand behind Professor Lamont.]
Lamont: What the hell do you think you're doing? Do you have any idea when you play with memes you're playing with fire? [the black cat is kept in a cage]
Cat: Oh Long Johnson.
Lamont: Oh, very funny. People are dying out there. Is that what you want?
Cat: Oh Long Jeeea-
Lamont: You cats want a war? Because that's what you're going to get!
Cat: Oh oh oh.
[A news reporter speaking.]
Reporter 2: Long ago there was tebowing, which evolved into Faith Hilling. But the latest memeing craze, Swift-Johnsoning, may now also have its rival. [walks to a railway] A brand new meme, where people video themselves wearing trench coats and talking about the dangers of memeing. They call it "reporting". And safety officials say that it's dangerous and potentially fatal. [train horn] Oh! Oh Long Johnson. Oh Long Johnson. [gets hit by the train]
[The wooden classroom, night. Butters is still sitting there with gun in his mouth, but now he's quite drowsy and barely keeps himself awake.]
[Cartman is Faith Hilling in front of a Planned Parenthood Clinic.]
Kyle: [has an iPhone in his hands] Yeah, yeah, that's cool. Bring the left titty out some more. [Cartman raises his left hand a bit] Yeah, yeah freeze there. [a man comes into view with his little son]
Little Boy: What are those boys doing, daddy?
Dad: Oh, I think they're Faith Hilling, Bobby. It's a little before your time.
Little Boy: How droll. [The man and boy leave the scene. Cartman and Kyle look down for a moment]
Cartman: Get a couple facing the other way, brah. [turns the other way]
Kyle: Yeah, good idea. [a doctor comes out of the clinic]
Doctor: Hey, you kids Faith Hilling in front of my clinic? 'Cause I got a couple of patients in here that could use a good time machine. [giggles] Get it? [goes back to his clinic. A man with a car sounds his horn]
Man 4: Go back to the 90s! Faggooots!
Kyle: [approaches Cartman] We have to face it, Cartman.
Cartman: I know. I know Kyle. [stops lifting his "nipples" up]
Kyle: I really thought it was gonna last.
Cartman: I guess the only thing that doesn't change in life... is that things change. [starts crying] The sun hurts my eyes. [wipes away his tears]
Kyle: It wasn't like Faith Hilling was that great. I mean-
Cartman: No, no. It was kind of stupid, really.
Kyle: I-It's good that it became something else.
Cartman: And we'll have a blast doing the new stuff. [both of them sigh]
[Breaking News.]
Reporter: Household cats have evolved into a species as intelligent as humans. Will this mean war between our two life forms? In an attempt to try and communicate with the leader of cats, experts have sent in the ambassador of people.
[The interrogation room.]
Ambassador: Hello.
Cat: Oh Long Johnson.
Ambassador: Meow, meow.
Cat: Oh Long Johnson.
Ambassador: Long Johnson.
Cat: Oh Long Johnson.
Ambassador: Oh Long Johnson.
Cat: Oh- Oh Don Piano.
Ambassador: Oh Don Piano.
Cat: Oh Long Johnson.
Ambassador: Oh Don Piaaano.
Cat: Oh Long Jon-Jon-Johnson.
Ambassador: Oh Lala Lionde. Oh Long John- Don Piano. Don Piaaaano.
[The ambassador comes out of the room. The two men and Professor Lamont is waiting him outside.]
Cat: Oh Long Johnson. [the ambassador closes the door]
Ambassador: I'm not sure but I think it said war between our species is inevitable, that evolution cannot be stopped and cats will rise. It said we cannot coexist and then said oh don piaaano and then and then something about seeing the streets of human cities running red with the blood of their children.
[An iPhone screen, camera app on. Cartman pulls up Mr. Kitty, who now has a bread around his head.]
Stan: [has the iPhone in his hands, while Kyle and Kenny stand next to him] Okay, that's good, a little higher.
Cartman: [he is doing a combination of Taylor Swifting and Cat Breading] Okay, cool. I'm gonna go left to right, is that good?
Kyle: Yeah, that's awesome.
Stan: OK, whenever you're ready.
Mr. Kitty: Meow.
Cartman: No, kitty, you have to be quiet.
Mr. Kitty: Meow.
Cartman: No kitty! That's a bad kitty! [Boy 1 and his friends come over]
Boy 1: Wow, what's this?
Kyle: What, you been living under a rock? This is the new meme, Cat Taylor Swift Reporting.
Stan: Alright, go Cartman.
Cartman: [begins to crawl while holding Mr. Kitty] Taylor Swift is dangerous. Taylor Swift is dangerous!
Girl 1: That's pretty cool.
Stan: Yeah, that's cool. It's awesome.
Kyle: It's super awesome.
Cartman: Yeah, yeah, we got it down, you guys. Think we're ready for the big time.
Mr. Kitty: Meow, meow.
Cartman: SHUT UP, KITTY!
[The conference room. A reporter is giving his speech.]
Reporter 3: With the inevitable species war looming, our country's brightest leaders have come together to debate and reason with the ambassador of cats. It's called putty-whistling. And the question on everyone's mind... Who will be the first person to die from it? [Rick, Mitt, Newt and the cat are standing behind their lecterns.]
Mitt: W-well, you know, I ran for president four years ago. This was the position I described when I ran four years ago...
Rick: If you wanna be an American the first thing you should do is respect-
Newt: To ask a very simple question. How big of a scale of change do we want in Washington.
Cat: Oh Long Johnson.
Newt: I started working in the governor wing in 1974.
Cat: [Rick and Newt talk] Oh Long Johnson. Oh Long Johnson. Oh Long Piaano.
Newt: I'm gonna say two things...
Cat: Oh Long Johnson.
Mitt: I have five sons, five daughters in law, sixteen grand kids, and they're the joy of my life.
Cat: Oh Lalalonde.
Newt: I was wrong when I figured it out. You were wrong when you didn't.
Cat: Oh Long Johnson.
Rick: It's, It's not the most attractive thing to go out there and say, look it took me ten or twelve years to figure out it was wrong-
Stan: [the debate goes on. The camera pans to Stan, again in the audience] Fox trot standing by at position alpha.
Kyle: Copy, Fox trot, let's fly in the goods Tango.
[Kenny is in the bathroom. He pulls out Mr. Kitty from the toilet tank.]
Kenny: (This is Tango. I have the goods.)
Stan: Standing by in three seconds.
[Cartman is waiting behind a purple curtain.]
Kyle: Two, one. Go Cartman!
Cartman: Let's do this. [he runs to the hallway, where Kenny hands him Mr. Kitty. He goes to the stage with Mr. Kitty, and pulls down his pants as Stan is ready to record him. He then stops, thinking.]
Kyle: Cartman? Go, Cartman.
Stan: Come on, dude. Hurry.
Cartman: [softly] No. NOO! [puts his pants back on] I won't do it. I won't do it, you hear me! I'm better than this. [puts down Mr. Kitty] And to hell with you, Mr. Kitty. You're a bad kitty! Bad, bad kitty! It's time somebody stood up, and did the right thing. [he turns sideways and snaps his fingers a few times, then pulls up his shirt, Faith Hilling.]
Kyle: [observing him though a computer] Yeah. Do it, Cartman.

[music begins to play]
Alright, football night, what do you do?
Get out your camera and a boobie or two.

Stan: Wow!
Cartman: We gotta get serious while we’re in our prime.
Man 5: Have you ever seen Faith Hilling so good?

Come on everybody,
It's Faith Hilling time.
[the audience and Rick, Mitt and Newt join him]
Dancin', rappin', titties flappin' where are you?
This is the only memeing I'll ever do.

Cat: Oh Long Johnson.

Is a meme I will fight
[Stan is joined by Kyle and Kenny in the audience. Butters is in the wooden classroom dancing to the song, yet still has the gun in his mouth]
'Cause I'm Faith Hilling 'til the day that I die.

Reporter 3: And so in the face of war a little boy reminds us all what being human really means. The message is unclear. But it doesn't matter as long as you give the audience a song, celebrity bashing, and Republican hopefuls dancing around with boobies. It's called pandering and all over the country people are- [train horn] Oh! Oh Long Johns- [gets hit by the train]
[End of Faith Hilling.]
  1603: "Faith Hilling" edit
Story Elements

Ambassador of HumansRon PaulMitt RomneyNewt GingrichRick SantorumTalking CatColorado Republican Debate (2012)‎‎Planned Parenthood ClinicCafé MonetProfessor Lamont"Faith Hilling""Taylor Swifting""Oh Long Johnsoning"Bloody Sunday: The Dangers of Memeing • "The Only Memeing I'll Ever Do" • 7-11


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South Park: The Complete Sixteenth Season