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Douche and a Danish/Script

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Cast

  • Eric Cartman
  • Heidi Turner
  • Jason
  • Tweek Tweak
  • Scott Malkinson
  • Kenny McCormick
  • Dildo Shwaggins
  • Kevin Stoley
  • Craig Tucker
  • Douglas
  • Nichole Daniels
  • Stan Marsh
  • Nelly
  • Lola
  • Jimmy Valmer
  • Butters Stotch
  • Wendy Testaburger
  • Token Black
  • Red
  • Annie Knitts
  • Randy Marsh
  • Herbert Garrison
  • PC Principal
  • Clyde Donovan
  • Gerald Broflovski
  • Sheila Broflovski
  • Kyle Broflovski
  • Bebe Stevens

Script

Douche and a Danish
South Park Elementary playground. The boys and girls are yelling at each other as Nelly and Butters are about to fight each other.
Jason
Hit her!
Random Boy
Hit her, man!
Annie
Kick his ass, Nelly!
Red
All boys should die!
Lola
Take him out!
Nelly
I don't care if you're a boy, I'm gonna kick your ass!
Butters
[is seen with his pants put down and shirt pulled up] Anytime anywhere, skank.
Boys (except Butters)
Yeah!
Boys (except Butters)
Yeah!
Nelly
Pull up your stupid pants first.
Butters
Why? You're afraid to fight me like a man?
Clyde
Kick her ass, Butters. She called you stupid.
Wendy
He is stupid! Look at him!
Jimmy
At least he's not a zzzzitty-faced ggirl.
Boys (expect Butters and Jimmy)
Yeah!
Cartman
[walks from the girls side of the fight to the in between Nelly and Butters and spreads his arms] Hey hey hey! Whoa, guys! Guys! [crowd stops yelling] Hasn't this gone on long enough? Aren't we tired of being so divided at skewl?
Annie
Get out of here, Cartman; nobody's buying it.
Red
Yeah, everyone knows you're the worst!
Heidi
Hey, leave him alone! [walks from the boys side of the fight to near Cartman] Eric tries to help [spreads her arms] and you call him names?! [talks to Cartman] Sorry, babe, I had to step in.
Cartman
It's cool, Baby.
[Heidi and Cartman kiss each other and causing the others to be flabbergasted]
Wendy
Heidi?!
Annie
[faints]
Cartman
Heidi has been really hurt by all of this, you guys. And I think it's time for us to all try to come together, as a skewl.
Presidential speech break room. Publicist speaks with Garrison.
Advisor #1
All right sir [gives Garrison his lines], don't be nervous for your speech; I know we're down a bit in the polls, but there's still a great chance we can win the Swing States.
Garrison
There's [flips through pages] still a chance, are you serious?!
Publicist #1
Just one thing sir, be a little careful of what you say about women. Uh, seems like that might be losing us some votes. [walks away]
Garrison
[puts his hand under his chin] Oh you don't say?
A campaign rally, later. "Make America Great Again." Chris Christie is at the podium]
Chris Christie
Ladies and gentlemen, out country's divided like never before. And we all know that only one man has the guts to say what we're all thinking. Please, welcome the man who with your help will soon be the next President of the United States! [Mr. Garrison comes out to great fanfare and takes the mic.]
Crowd Members
Douche! Douche! Douche! Douche! Douche! Douche! Douche! Douche! Douche! Douche! Douche! Douche! Douche! [somewhere in there a man shrieks. Garrison lights up a cigarette and starts pacing]
Garrison
So I'm standin' in line at the airport, waitin' in security 'cause of all the freakin' Muslims. [cheers and applause]
Supporter
Ow!
Garrison
And the TSA security people all look like black thugs from the inner city; I'm like "Oh good, you're gonna protect us?" [laughter] Well maybe it's good they're all gang members. At least they can tell the difference between Muslims and Mexicans, 'cause God knows I can't. [applause] You know, I'm standin' there in line and you know what I do? I stick my finger in this chick's asshole, [applause and laughter] and she turns to me and says, "Hey, aren't you that guy that's running for President?" I say Yeah. She says "Why you got your finger in my ass?" I say "I'm just keeping it warm, honey, 'cause that chick next to you is way hotter and I'm gonna stick it in her clam." [the men are clapping, the women just look at him now] Yeah, let's make America great again. No dude wants his finger in some ugly bitch's ass. [the men laugh] You gotta be careful though, it's only about half an inch away, you know, that asshole and that clam, so you gotta be careful. Right dudes? [A woman gets up and makes her way to the aisle] Oh. Oh, where are you goin'? Are you leavin? [the woman turns right to leave the rally] I'm sorry, did I offend you? Where did I lose you, honey? You've been okay with the "fuck everyone to death," all the Muslim and Mexican shit, but fingers in the ass did it for ya? [she reaches the door and exits] Cool, just wanted to see where your line was! [some more women get up, one of them leaves with her husband] Oh yeah, look, I guess some more broads are leavin'. Oh Jeez you were so on board, I can't believe I let that little offensive mark slip. Poor girls. Did you get your feelings hurt after "Fuck all the immigrants" and?" Jeez, I'm sorry. Jeez.
[Trolltrace.com, day. A camera zooms into it. Lennart Bedrager dances into view.]
Bedrager
[in a weird accent] Hello. Are you tired of hate speech? Are you sick of sexism and-a bigotry? Then please, help the Danish put an end to trolls.
Danes
Tjing tjang tjing nutillej.
Bedrager
Right now, the people of Denmark are working on a biometric computer superstructure which will allow people all around the world to identify the trolls in their communities.
Danes
Tjing tjang tjing nutillej.
Bedrager
But to make this dream into a reality, we still need your donations. We are just a few million kroners away, so please donate via the social media of your choice.
Danes
[four windows open and some Danes sing out] Tjing tjang tjing nutillej.
Bedrager
Just imagine it, knowing who said what on the Internet.
Dane 1
The whole world will be-a peaceful and happy.
Dane 2
Like-a here, in Denmark.
Dane 3
Help fund our project on social media today!
Danes
Together, we will rid the world of trolls. Tjing tjang lu, Tjing tjang lu, Tjing tjang tjing nutillej!
[The darkened room from last episode. The trolls are gathered there again to plan their next move.]
Dick
Fellow trolls, we have gathered together because our anonymity is being threatened. Individually, we are some of the most notorious trolls in Colorado. We must now find a way to unite. Each one of us has the power to make message boards go haywire, The power to make individuals buckle and fall. Imagine if we use those skills against a common enemy.
Troll #2
They have an entire government at their disposal.
Dick
And we... have Skankhunt42.
Gerald
[sighs] It's Gerald. Alright?
Dick
I believe that he... is the key to stopping all this.
[South Park Elementary Gym, day. PC Principal is holding an assembly]
PC Principal
Alright everyone, listen up. This school is falling apart, and it needs to stop. Boys are harassing girls, and girls are stereotyping boys as- Not now, Mr. Stotch! Put it away!
Butters
[with his pants down and dick out] Well okay. [pulls his pants back up.]
PC Principal
Now I've asked for some ideas and a couple of students wanna try and help. Please welcome Heidi and Eric. [they come up wearing matching shirts: "COME TOGETHER as a school"]
Cartman
Hey you guys?
Heidi
What's up? [the other kids stay silent]
Cartman
Guys, we have a lot of problems facing our skewl. I don't know if many of you know Heidi but she's really smart and really funny.
Heidi
Eheh, stop, Eric.
Cartman
You are. And she's come up with a pretty cool idea. Tell 'em, baby.
Heidi
Thanks, babe. I don't know if you guys have heard, but right now, Denmark is trying to make trolling a thing of the past. They're asking for help, and I thought "why not a school fundraiser?"
Cartman
Yeah, but the way you said it was actually way funnier, remember?
Heidi
What? How did I say it? [from here their voices get softer and softer until they're whispering to each other]
Cartman
Remember, you were like "Oh, what if we had a fundraiser?" in uh, what was it? [they hold hands] Remember, you- it was like uh-
Heidi
When was this? Were we at Denny's?
Cartman
Yeah, we were having uhh, that dessert thing. What was that, that-?
Heidi
[giggling] Oh, and you kept spilling it and everything?
Cartman
Yeah, yeah, remember? Remember that there was that, that guy that had that, what was it
Heidi
He had that weird haircut and you kept saying that it looked like he had a dick on his head.
Cartman
Yeah yeah yeah, that's when you said that- don't let anybody- [they get lost in the moment for a few seconds whispering to each other. The other kids lean forward trying to understand what they're discussing. Cartman notices, then] Oh hey guys. Wha-what's up? Oh right. A school fundraiser. Tomorrow, we'll be going to each individual class with more information. And after that...
Heidi
Then we should all come together [mimicking Cartman] as a skewl. [Cartman giggles and sighs happily. Bebe throws up involuntarily]
[Campaign headquarters. Garrison's advisers are exasperated after his disastrous rally. Caitlyn is polishing her nails]
Advisor #1
Sir, what were you thinking? We said to be careful how you talked about women.
Garrison
[satisfied with himself] Yeah I don't know, I guess I just kind of screwed the pooch on that one. [checks for any Pabst Blue Ribbon cans with beer left in them]
Chris Christie
We are way down in the polls. I don't know how we recover from this.
Garrison
Oh really? Jeez that's too bad. [dusts off his pants and checks his shoes]
Chris Christie
A lot of us have staked our lives on backing you! You can't just go bonkers like this!
Garrison
Hey, sorry. I didn't realize women were racists.
Advisor 2
You have... millions of supporters who are looking to you to lead! They're gonna wanna know what you're gonna do about this!
Garrison
I mean, I don't know. Nothin'. Whatever.
Chris Christie
You wanna tell them that? They're outside. [Garrison is horrified.]
[Campaign headquarters, outside. a crowd of people wait to hear from Garrison. He cracks the door open and looks out]
Supporter 1
What's goin' on?!
Supporter 2
What are ya doin?!
Garrison
[steps outside] Oh, uh hey everybody. Uh, looks like we're tanking in the polls, but you know what? It's fixed. I was never gonna win in the first place. I knew it from the beginning. And on November 8th, when I lose, I'll be able to say "I told you so!" [grins. The crowd is not amused.]
Supporter 2
This son of a bitch pulled a fast one on us!
Supporter 3
It's like he's not even trying!
Garrison
Oh no, I'm I'm trying. I just-
Supporter 2
Get him!
Garrison
Shiiit! [he runs off, and the crowd gives chase] Ohhh Jeeez! [people in the crowd come armed with shovels, pitchforks, bats, axes, knives, guns... One person even has a chainsaw he has trouble starting up.]
Supporters
Kill him! Tear his head off! Don't let him get away!
Supporter 4
[ginally gets that chainsaw going] Yeah haw!
[The Airport Hilton. A concierge walks the hallways, humming to himself, and stops by a private conference: "Rape Victims Anonymous"]
Andrew
[knocks on the door]
Anonymous821
What do you want? Go away.
Andrew
Hey, just checking to see if you needed any more refreshments for the conference room?
Anyomous821
We're fine. We don't need anything.
A Troll
[within the room] Some more creamer?
Anonymous821
Just some more creamer.
Andrew
Alright, well, I just wanna say "thanks for choosing the-" [the troll shuts the door]
Anonymous821
Okay, we're clear again.
Dick
You were saying, Skankhunt?
Gerald
Alright, look. How do you troll somebody?
Troll 4
Say really fucked up shit and make them quit social media?
Gerald
No, no, no, it's not about one person. It's about pushing people's buttons so that they'll react in a way that pushes other people's buttons. Look, you don't just troll a woman with cancer to get a reaction from her, it's all about the group of people that are gonna come to her defense. They're gonna be so self-righteous that another group of people will eventually find those people totally annoying. You're just setting them against each other. It's like the fission reaction that sets off the fusion explosion. The Internet does it all, and you just sit back with your glass of wine and laugh.
Anonymous821
Wow... that seems kind of... mean.
Gerald
It's not mean if it's hilarious.
Dick
If we all worked with you, Skank, could we do it? Could we troll an entire country?
Gerald
If we all worked together? Maybe. [makes a fist with his left hand] Maybe.
[South Park Elementary, day. Mrs. Nelson has a lesson on mammals on the board, but Heidi is talking to the class about something else.]
Heidi
Hey guys. Today we're gonna start our school fundraiser. It's an idea I came up with called "Danishes for Denmark."
Cartman
[almost whispering] It's awesome. You're doing awesome.
Heidi
We need everyone to do their part, so later on in the cafeteria, we are all gonna need to- [the classroom door opens and Heidi looks to see who opened it. Mr. Garrison rushes in and gets to work immediately]
Garrison
[frantic] Okay children, let's take our seats! Let's uh, get back to our lessons on grammar, shall we?
Stan
Mr. Garrison?
Garrison
Okay, does anybody, uh, remember where we left off? No? Alright, uh, who can tell me what an adjective is? [to Mrs. Nelson] You can go now, I'm back. [to the class] Who can t-who can tell me what an adjective is?
Token
Uh, aren't you running for President?
Garrison
Adjectives usually come before what? They come before nouns, that's right.
Chris Christie
[clears his throat] Mr. Garrison, you can't just act like nothing happened! You're spiraling out of control, and you have to answer to the people!
Garrison
I don't know what you're talking about! I am a teacher! [back to the board] Okay, adjectives describe nouns, and there are several types of them-
Chris Christie
Mr. Garrison.
Garrison
What are some examples of adjectives you can give me for this sentence? Anybody? [writes "Jack threw the ball." on the board.]
Chris Christie
You sold people a line, Mr. Garrison, and you have to make good on it!
Garrison
The yellow ball. That's a good one. Or we can say "the slippery ball," can't we?
Chris Christie
Come on. [his advisers come in.]
Garrison
What else about the ball? No, please! [The advisers gather around him and carry him off] What else can we say about the ball, children? No, please! Leave me alone!
Butters
The bouncy ball?
Garrison
[grabs a chalk stick and scratches it against the blackboard] No! No, I'm not going back! Please! They're gonna kill me, children! Please! Help me, children! Help me! [Chris Christie shuts the door]
[The Broflovski house, day. Gerald and Dick arrive and go inside. They carry with them keyboards, computers, cables...]
Gerald
Okay, come on. Office is upstairs. [they run into Sheila] Oh, hi honey.
Shelia
Gerald, you're back from your convention?
Gerald
Yeah, it went really well. This is uh, my IT guy. Gonna help me get my office computers set back up.}]
Shelia
Well, can I make you guys somethin' to eat?
Gerald
Don't worry about us, hon. Lots of work to do. Love you so much! [he and Dick go on upstairs.] Ike, no Internet tonight. We need all the bandwidth we can get. Say hi to Dildo Shwaggins.
Dick
Hello. [Gerald closes the door]
[Gerald's home office. Gerald and Dick sit on the floor putting the computers back in place.]
Dick
I gotta hand it to you, Gerald. You have a really nice home, nice family.
Gerald
Yeah? Well now you see I have a lot to lose if they find out who I am.
Dick
And who is that?
Gerald
What?
Dick
I've studied your work. You're so good at lashing out at the system. Bringing people down off their high horses. Why do you do it?
Gerald
I told you, it's just funny to me. I do it for the lulz.
Dick
I don't believe that. I think there's more to Skankhunt. When I was in school, kids teased me. Called me "midget," even though I'm not. My mother was a little person, but she actually married a guy who had gigantism syndrome. She thought, if she was a little person and had a baby with a giant, I would come out normal. [Gerald stifles a laugh] We can't let these Danish pricks take our online lives, Skank. For some of us... it's all we have.
[The school cafeteria, day. A banner over the kitchen entrance reads "SCHOOL FUNDRAISER. LET'S ALL WORK TOGETHER." All the kids are making Danishes and PC Principal supervises it all.]
Heidi and Cartman
Let's come together as a skewl.
Cartman
We can work together hand in hand to make the whole world understand that
Heidi and Cartman
We came together as a skewl.
Cartman
Put our difference aside, feeling hope now feeling pride.

No more fighting, it's time for something new.

Heidi and Cartman
Let's come together as a skewl.
[During the song, the following things are seen: Two kids come up to get some trays with freshly backed Danishes on them, two other kids hand them the trays. Stan, Wendy, and Millie spread frosting on the Danishes. Butters and Nelly do the same at another table. Red passes by. Nichole and Token prepare the batter, as do Tweek and a girl. Clyde and Bebe pack the Danishes up and hand them to Nelly, then move on to the next box. By the time the song ends, the kids look tired. Annie, Kyle, Kevin, and another girl are putting frosting on their Danishes.]
Heidi
I really feel like this is the start of something new! We're gonna help Denmark, and Denmark is gonna put an end to trolls.
Cartman
And then maybe everyone can finally be as happy as we are.
Heidi and Cartman
Let's come together as a skewl.
Cartman
Terraform Mars.
[Shi Tpa Town, day. Mr. Garrison rans past City Wok]
Garrison
Oooooohhh. [stops to catch his breath, then sees his advisers and runs again] Oohh!
Adviser
He went this way!
Chris Christie
Get back here! You're acting like an idiot! [Behind the advisers is the crowd of supporters with their weapons]
Supporters
Get him! String him up! We put our faith in you, asshole!
[The trolls are in their own homes now.]
Dick
Test test 1 2. This is Dildo Shwaggins. We are ready to commence the trashing of Denmark. All trolls report in.
PurpleheadedQueeflicker
PurpleheadedQueeflicker standing by.
Che Gamorrah
[voice over] Che Gamorrah standing by.
MLKKK
MLKKK and I'm ready.
Anonymous821
Anonymous821 signed in to multiple accounts and standing by.
URFATANDDUM
[voice over] URFATANDDUM standing by.
SuperSexyLisa18
SuperSexyLisa18 standing by.
YourMomsTits
[voice over] YourMomsTits standing by.
Gerald
Skankhunt42 standing by.
Dick
Okay. everyone follow Skankhunt's lead. Don't get distracted, we are only trolling Denmark.
Gerald
Alright, engaging Twitter... now! Prepare for overreaction on my mark. 3... 2... Mark.
[South Park, day. Sleet falls to the ground as the wind howls through town. Thunder rolls by. Garrison, dripping wet from the sleet, finds a door and steps inside - it's the South Park Community Center. He sees the members of Member Berries Anonymous seated around a circle, with an empty chair waiting for the random walk-in. Garrison's spray tan is washing off.]
Randy
Hey, Mr. Garrison. Come on in, bud. Have a seat, you're not alone.
Garrison
You, you're not gonna try and lynch me too?
Randy
No lynchings here, little cowboy. Take a seat. [Garrison takes the seat] You wanna share with us what you're goin' through?
Garrison
[crying softly] It's all my fault. I just wanted to get rid of all the immigrants, you know? [takes out a napkin and blows his nose with it] I just- I thought we could fuck them all to death, and everyone started listening to me. Next thing I know I actually get the nomination from the Republicans!
Randy
It's not your fault, little guy.
Garrison
It is my fault! I told people I could make the country great again, but I didn't have a plan!
Randy
Not your fault.
Garrison
I got caught up in people cheerin' for me, bein' in the media every day. I, I led this entire election down the shitter.
Randy
You've gotta stop blaming yourself.
Garrison
Well then, whose fault is it?!
Randy
Here, catch. [tosses a member berry at him]
Member Berry
Member Lando Calrissian? Member tauntauns? Member? Member feeling safe?
Garrison
What the fuck is this?
Randy
That... is why millions of Americans want you to be President. But there's more...
[The Broflovski house. Gerald is in bed, sleeping. Dick knocks on his bedroom door and Gerald wakes up. He checks for Sheila, but she's not in bed. He gets up to answer the door, and Dick shows him the latest headline: DENMARK IN TURMOIL!]
Dick
It's started! [smiles. Gerald smiles back, then grins.]
[The living room. Gerald and Dick run down to the sofa and take seats]
Gerald
Did they pick it up on Yahoo?
Dick
Don't know, but Google has it as the number one story.
Gerald
Oh, shit! Go to, go to Huffington!
Bill Keegan
Millions of people took to the Internet last night after shocking claims were made about the Danish company LEGO and their ties to ISIS.
Gerald
Oh yes! This is CNN front page right now.
CNN Anchor
It now appears the country of Denmark was the victim of a massive troll. The country is still reeling from the LEGO hoax story.
Bill Keegan
Tom, by the time the hoax was revealed the damage had already been done. Millions of people got on the anti-Denmark bandwagon, and when millions more came in to support Denmark, hundreds of millions more got on the anti-Denmark bandwagon.
Dick
We did it! We did it! [Kyle appears at the top of the stairs]
Gerald
Oh, Kyle! Ahh, hey, I didn't think you'd be leaving yet.
Kyle
I have a fundraiser at school.
Gerald
Well, did you see what was all over the Internet? Everyone's ripping on LEGOs.
Kyle
What?
Gerald
Yeah, now the whole world is blowing up with Danish jokes. It's hilarious.
Dick
The Guardian has a bunch of stories up about how the Denmark government isn't responding to even interview requests.
Gerald
Wow, fuck Denmark, huh Kyle? That's gotta be what just about everyone is thinking now. Fuck Denmark. [Dick grins]
[Trolltrace.com, day. Its executives run inside the building for an emergency meeting.]
Dane 2
Sir, public opinion of Denmark is-a very very shit.
Dane 3
All our social media pages are-a filled with million and millions of-a horrible comments.
Dane 4
And our crowd-funding sites are taken over too.
Dane 5
Everyone is making fun of us like we were goofballs.
Dane 6
How could-a this-a happen?
Lennart
Because that's what trolls DO! I should have known that once they got wind of our little plan, they would start trolling us!
Dane 7
So then Denmark isn't funding ISIS?
Lennart
Of course not!
Dane 1
But-a how do we prove that to the rest of-a the world?
Lennart
We can't respond, it will only make the trolls stronger! Our only choice is to go offline
Dane 5
You mean we have to quit Twitter?
Lennart
Everything, you ignoramus! The only way to stop the bleeding is for Denmark to get off social media! Pokkers Du Trold!
South Park Elementary, day. In front of the school, the kids have set up their Danishes for Denmark stand. Some of the kids are dressed in what appears to be Danish outfits]
Heidi
Hello. [a car rolls by] Buy a Danish to help stop trolling? How come nobody's stopping? Maybe this was a terrible idea.
Cartman
It was a great idea. [spots another car driving by] Hey! Hey, buy a Danish for Denmark?
Driver
Heheh, fuck Denmark
Butters
[runs up with his boxes and throws then down] That's it! I am through with your stupid crap! Every house I've been to just rips on me and and says Denmark is stupid!
Cartman
What?
Kyle
[arriving] It's true. Denmark got trolled last night. They left social media.
Heidi
Then, all of this was... for nothing.
Butters
I told you fellas! This is what you get for working with a bunch of stupid girls!
Wendy
How is this our fault?! At least we actually did the work!
Clyde
Oh yeah? You guys fucked up all the frosting!
Annie
You assholes overcooked them! [the kids begin to argue with each other]
Heidi
Oh no! This was a terrible idea! [leaves the booth]
Cartman
Heidi! [follows her]
[the side of the school, moments later. Heidi reaches a tree and sobs on it a little. Cartman catches up to her]
Heidi
I'm so stupid!
Cartman
Don't say that.
Heidi
Why did I even think I could bring the boys and girls together again?
Cartman
Because you're smart and funny, that's why. It was a great idea, Heidi. [puts his hand on her shoulder] I think that somehow... trolling is playing a bigger part in this than anyone even realizes.
[The member berry anonymous meeting. Mr. Garrison is still there]
Randy
Every great empire reaches a point where going backward can seem more appealing than forward. When the world is changing so fast it makes us yearn for the old ways, when life seemed simpler. But it doesn't mean those old ideas are good for us now. We have to face one hard reality as a country. [stands by an easel with a Star Wars poster on it] The new Star Wars was not as good as everyone thought it was. It may seem fun to go back and recycle the past we loved, but we end up with no sustenance.
Garrison
I thought you were gonna explain why people want a guy like me to be President.
Randy
Well, that's important too, I guess, but, it's just a symptom of the same thing. See, when a civilization has become so big it starts to get lazy, then that's [removes the Star Wars poster to reveal a picture of a member berry orchard] when you get member berries. They're noting new. They date back all the way to the Roman Empire. [shows a painting of a woman giving her lover some member berries.] Once too many Romans ate the member berries there was no more growth. They rested on their laurels just eating and 'membering all the good stuff.
Garrison
I think those are just grapes.
Randy
Thought so too till I zoomed in. [removes the painting to show a closeup of just the berries]
Member Berries
Member?
Randy
You see, we all wanna go back to when we were kids. Simple ideas like a big man to protect us, keep us safe. Instead of a fresh new Star Wars we want the old, just recycled and plopped in our tummies.
Garrison
You almost make it sound like J.J. Abrams is responsible for this entire election.
Randy
Does this look familiar? [removes the closeup to show J.J. Abrams wearing a cap on which is written "MAKE STAR WARS GREAT AGAIN."]
Garrison
[takes a good look at the picture, then stands up] Ohh Jeeez.
[Trolltrace.com. Lennart Bedrager sits in the conference room alone]
Dane 2
Sir! We got a message from overseas. You really should see it.
Lennart
A message how? We're completely offline.
Dane 2
This was sent on VHS. Whoever sent it is-a completely offline too.
Lennart
Put it on the screen. [a video pops up with Cartman and Heidi on it.]
Cartman
People of Denmark, we know that you've been the victim of trolling. So have we. Maybe we can help. I'm not sure if you know my girlfriend Heidi but... She's really smart and really funny.
Heidi
Stop baby, no I'm not.
Cartman
[whispers] You are, babe. Stop it.
Lennart
Who the hell are these people?
Dane 2
Just listen.
Cartman
[whispers] Go on, babe, just tell them. Tell them.
Heidi
I have an idea. I might be able to figure out the source of who trolled you last night.
Lennart
Get everyone back inside. If this girl really is that smart and funny, we might have another shot here. [the other Dane goes away]
End of Douche and a Danish
  2005: "Douche and a Danish" edit
Story Elements

"Let's Come Together As a School" • Skankhunt42 • "Tjing Tjang Tjing" • TrollTrace.com

Media

ImagesScriptWatch Video

Release

South Park: The Complete Twentieth Season

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