FANDOM



Cast

  • Stan Marsh
  • Kyle Broflovski
  • Eric Cartman
  • Kenny McCormick
  • Craig Tucker
  • Randy Marsh
  • Sharon Marsh
  • Sheila Broflovski
  • Terrance and Phillip
  • Shake Weight Commercial Woman 1 and 2
  • Announcer
  • Michael, BB&B Associate
  • Reporter
  • Rosemary
  • Amanda and Hotline Man, from the Food Network Hotline
  • Celebrity Chefs
    • Alton Brown
    • Bobby Flay
    • Guy Fieri
    • Jamie Oliver
    • Paula Deen

Script

Crème Fraiche
The Marsh house, living room, night. Randy and Sharon are watching TV on the sofa, under a blanket
Reporter
Passenger said the Carnival cruise line smelled like poop, but that that was an improvement.
Sharon
[yawns] All right, it's late. I'm gonna call it a night. [leaves the sofa and heads for their room] You coming?
Randy
Aw, you know, I can't really sleep. I'm just gonna stay up a bit and have some me time.
Sharon
[going up stairs, she stops and turns around] Randy, do not watch that no-no channel.
Randy
Ugh. I'm not staying up to do that Sharon, jeez!
Sharon
Alright, come to bed soon.
Randy
Psseh... huh... [glances at the stairs to see if Sharon is gone, then quickly begins changing channels. He stops at a channel where music is playing] Ohhh... Whoahohoohhh... Man, that is hot... [starts masturbating under the sheet] Oh yeah. Fuck.
Guy Fieri
[showing off some ribs] Mmm, just look at that rack of ribs; now those are slow-cooked, and then braised to bring out the smokey flavor.
Randy
Mmm, God damn. Yeah.
Guy Fieri
[hods up a rib to the camera] See how that just falls off the bone? [eats some more off it] Mmm, that is MONEY right there!
Randy
Yeah, it's fuckin' money.
Announcer
Next on Food Network it's Paula Deen ["Paula's Home Cooking"]
Paula Deen
Hey y'all. Tonight we're gonna be makin' some deep-fried chicken.
Randy
Aw yeah?
Paula Deen
Muh buttery whipped potatoes and we're gonna be finishin' off with a chocolate pecan pie.
Randy
Awwwgh. Oh fuck yeah. [still masturbating]
The Marsh kitchen, morning. Randy's been busy cooking breakfast. Stan, Shelly, and Sharon enter the kitchen
Stan
Dad, what are you doing?
Randy
Ah! You're just in time! Siddown, siddown! I've made you all breakfast again!
Stan
Aw crap. [they go to the breakfast table while Randy serves up their dishes]
Randy
Now, what I have for you is a nice goat-cheese and hierloom tomato frittata. And we're gonna top that with a little crème fraîche. [scoops some out to spread on Stan's plate, slooowly] Aw yeah... Awwww...
Sharon
[on to him] Randy, you've been watching that channel, haven't you?!
Randy
No!
Sharon
Yes, because every time you watch cooking shows you stay up all night trying to copy what they made.
Randy
Well, I'm sorry if there's something wrong with me helping out with the cooking! [grabs his coat and heads for the garage. He opens the door and takes a look back] I'd think you'd be grateful, Sharon! I gotta get to work. I cooked, so you guys clean up. [closes the door and leaves. The others look at him leave, then look at the dishes on the counter. That's a lot of bowls]
Stan
Can I have a Pop Tart?
The Marsh house, living room, afternoon. Stan and friends are on the sofa watching TV
Kyle
Oh this is sweet. I've seen this episode.
Terrance
Hello, and welcome to Progressive. [a Progressive spoof]
Phillip
[with his wife, Katherine] Yes, we're looking to buy car insurance.
Terrance
Well, you've come to the right place. [farts on Phillip's face]
Phillip
Oh dear! I knew we should have gone to Geico! [Kyle says this part with him] Come on, darling, let's get out of here and go there.
Randy
[quickly arrives, takes off his coat, and takes over. The boys get off the sofa] Daddy time. It's Daddy TV time. [On TV, a chef presents his latest creation]
Alton Brown
Now just look at this pork tenderloin. It is brined and ready for action.
Randy
Aw yeah, look at that.
Stan
Dad, you know Mom doesn't want you watching food channels.
Randy
I worked all day! I can watch what I want!
Alton Brown
We're gonna take a stick of butter and just smear that all over.
Randy
[almost breaks a sweat] Oh my God that's awesome! Oh... [looks at the boys, then takes the blanket hanging on the back of the sofa and puts it over his groin, keeping himself in check] Oh, oh. [starts masturbating] ...Yeah. Whoa.
Alton Brown
Now let's get that on the grill.
Randy
See what he's doing there, Stan? He brined that for an hour in the fridge, so now he can sear the shit out of it. Whoaoaoaoaoaoaoo.
Alton Brown
Look at the char we're getting. That, that is what we're going for.
Randy
Oh, isn't that hot, guys? Ohgh, yeah. Don't you wanna just... Don't you wanna just get in there and... [the boys notice the fierceness in his voice] Wwrrmmmm! Mmmh!
Announcer
We'll be right back to Good Eats.
Commercial
Woman 1
Hey ladies, are you looking for a better workout?
Randy
[the fierceness vanishes] Aww, stupid commercials.
Woman 1
Introducing the Shake Weight. A spring-loaded workout device you pump with your arms. Just grab the piston and go to work. One-handed or double-fisted.
Randy
[yawns] Come on!
Woman 1
You just shake it. Back and forth.
Woman 2
It feels really good in my hands.
Woman 1
Best of all, Shake Weight tells you when your workout is finished by chiming and releasing a cool-down spray. [the Shake Weight chimes and gives two squirts of the cool-down spray]
Randy
Bohh-riiing.
Woman 1
Order now and we'll include the optional heart rate monitor. Just put your finger in the tester. [a woman shows how it's done] and Shake Weight takes your pulse. [another woman finishes her exercises and gets two squirts] Get yours today.
Announcer
Now back to Good Eats.
Alton Brown
Just look at the glaze we've got going now on that thing.
Randy
[back to masturbating] Oh man, yeah, that is hot! Ooomm.
Alton Brown
Alright now, here's the really cool part. What we're gonna do is- [a short beep is heard and the screen goes blue. In white letters, this appears:]
  1. HODNOTA!
Parental Controls
/center></poem>
Randy
Channel blocked? [begins clicking channels] What the? The hell? [goes to the master bedroom and finds Sharon clicking away on another remote control] Sharon, what are you doing?
Sharon
Just using the parental controls to block some channels.
Randy
I wasn't watching food channels!
Sharon
Then how do you know I blocked them?
Randy
I- know 'cause I don't know that! That's what I'm saying! Gaw! [walks away thwarted and goes to his den. He picks up a cordless phone on the way. He leaves the lights off in there and walks to his desk, dialing a number. He sits down as his call is answered]
Hotline Man
Thanks for calling the Food Network Hotline. Billing is nine-ninety-five for each sixty-second period. To accept, say "crème fraîche."
Randy
Crème fraîche.
Amanda
Hi there, I'm Amanda. What are you up to?
Randy
Oh hi, I just uh... thought I'd give the hotline a try. What are you doing?
Amanda
I'm making a pan-roasted chicken.
Randy
[piqued] Pan-roasted? Like seared on the stove and put in the oven?
Amanda
Uh huh. I've just taken the chicken out of the pan. It's... so moist. I'm gonna let it rest now, about five minutes.
Randy
Yeah?
Amanda
Yeah. Ooo, there's lots of brown bits stuck to the bottom of the skillet.
Randy
You gonna deglaze that fuckin' pan?
Amanda
Oh I'm gonna deglaze it. You wanna help me?
Randy
If I was there I would. I'd take some... red wine... 'bout a quarter-cup, and then... a wooden spoon... and I'd deglaze the fuck out of that pan.
Amanda
I got a wooden spoon right here; it's... pretty hard. [upstairs Sharon picks up the phone to make a call, but she hears the conversation and stops to listen]
Randy
Yeah you'd... put some onion in while you're deglazing?
Amanda
I was thinking about shallots, actually.
Randy
Aw yeah. Shallots won't overwhelm the chicken's natural flavors. Fuck yeah.
Sharon
Randy! Marsh!
Randy
WAH! Sharon!
Hotline Man
Your time on Food Network Hotline has expired. To add more time say "crème fraîche."
The Broflovski kitchen. Sheila sits at the breakfast table as Sharon paces back and forth wiping some tears from her eyes
Sharon
I don't know what to do, Sheila. It's like he's a different person. Last night I walked in on him in the bathroom. He was sitting on the toilet flambéing a pork chop.
Sheila
Sharon, I'm so sorry.
Sharon
It just makes me feel unwanted, you know? I mean, am I not attractive anymore? I mean I don't exercise anymore at all.
Sheila
Well, if it'll make you feel better about yourself, then work out, Sharon.
Sharon
Like I have time to go to the gym every day.
Sheila
There are plenty of things you can buy to get a good workout at home. Have you heard of the Shake Weight?
Bed, Bath & Beyond, day. Sharon enters the store and hears oooh's and aaah's and sees some women trying out the Shake Weights. She walks up to the display table. A store associate walks up to her
Associate
Help you find anything? [the name tag says Michael]
Sharon
Oh, yes. I was interested in the Shake Weights?
Michael
Biggest seller the past four months. What models are you lookin' at?
Sharon
Oh I didn't realize there were different models.
Michael
Well you got your standard, your deluxe model, large sizes, but, if you're really lookin' for a workout you might wanna try the Big Gym. That woman over there is trying it out. [the woman is having some difficulty with the large Shake Weight]
Sharon
I... think I'll start with the smaller white ones.
Michael
Small white ones, yes ma'am. [picks up two different models] Standard or voice assist model?
Sharon
Well I don't know-
Michael
I would definitely recommend the voice assist. It has recorded voice commands to help motivate you in your workout.
The Marsh house, master bedroom. Sharon is working with the Shake Weight now, starting with the right arm.
Shake Weight
You are doing excellent. Great work. Now switch arms. [Sharon switches arms] Wow. Good job. [Sharon begins to gasp for air] You are amazing. You are very attractive and interesting.
Sharon
Thank you, Shake Weight.
Shake Weight
Come on now. Almost finished. [Sharon begins to shake the weight faster] Yes. Good. Almost done. [Sharon shakes the weight even faster and begins to grunt] Keep going. Keep going. Harder. Faster. [Sharon's giving it all she's got, and a bell sounds. She gets two squirts]
Sharon
Hahhh.
Shake Weight
Your workout is finished. [a different bell sounds and Sharon twists the Shake Weight around to get some change] Here is some cab fare.
Sharon
Oh wow.
Shake Weight
Now going to sleep mode. [powers down]
South Park Elementary cafeteria, day. The boys stand in line for lunch
Stan
You guys have no idea how much it sucks! My dad's obsessed! Every day it's Bobby Flay this, Gordon Ramsey that. This morning he was pretending to read Playboy, but he actually had a Bon Appetit magazine hidden inside it!
Cartman
[sarcastic] Well, hearing you bitch about your dad all the time is super-interesting, Stan. I hope you do it during the entire lunch period. [the line moves forward and the boys enter to see... Randy as the school chef]
Randy
Hello there, children!
Stan
Awww what?!
Randy
How's it goin'? [behind him is restaurant-quality cooking equipment]
Stan
No, dad! No!
Randy
The school was hiring and I got the job. Isn't that great?
Stan
Dad, you're a geologist! What about your real job?!
Randy
I quit. Now, what I have for your starters today is a potato-encrusted scallop with lobster foam. Now we're gonna top that with some crème fraîche.
Cartman
Lobster foam? [Stan shuts his eyes and buries his nose in his right hand] It says very clearly on the lunch schedule that today is pizza day!
Randy
Yes, and so this is my take on a pizza. It's an Asian slaw on flat bread, deconstructed and topped with a nice Parmesan aioli.
Stan
Dad, no! I'm gonna tell Mom. Go back to your other job right now!
Randy
Stan, there's nothing wrong with a man following his passion! [starts spreading the aioli over the pizza] Ooo yeah, fuck yeah.
The Marsh house, after school. Sharon is in the kitchen washing the mountain of dishes Randy left in the morning and she's not happy about it. Stan opens the front door and enters the living room, closes the door and walks to the kitchen.
Stan
Mom? Mom! You've gotta do something! Dad's trying to be our new school chef.
Sharon
Oh I know! He tried out all his recipes here and left me with the mess!
Stan
Well you've gotta tell him to stop, Mom!
Sharon
You think your father's gonna listen to me?! [something begins to beep nearby and Sharon looks at it, then goes to the breakfast table. On it is the beeping Shake Weight]
Shake Weight
This is a workout reminder. Time for a workout.
Sharon
Oh. [picks up the weight and begins to shake it] This thing is so great. It reminds me when I haven't worked out in a while.
Shake Weight
That's it. Work it. Harder, faster.
Stan
Mom, Dad's food sucks and kids at school are starting to get pissed at me!
Sharon
[sighs] Sorry Stan, but I need to start doing things for myself! [Stan just looks at her now]
Shake Weight
You are independent and strong.
Sharon
Right! I spend all my trying to take care of everybody else!
Shake Weight
Switch arms.
Sharon
[switch] I don't need to look good to keep your father interested in me! I'm just going to do it FOR ME!
Shake Weight
You are so motivated and charming. It is time to take your pulse. Insert finger. [Sharon puts her left index finger into the device.] Do not stop your arms. Keep going. Good. Get your finger up there a little more. Your pulse is one hundred forty-five. [Sharon shakes the weight harder] Faster. Harder.
South Park Elementary cafeteria kitchen, day. Randy is behind the food counter acting as if he's on TV.
Randy
Who says that school cafeteria food can't be healthy, delicious, and gourmet? Today we're gonna be making the students my tasty baked ziti with basil and fresh [in an Italian accent] mozzarella. It's all right here right now on Cafeteria Fraîche.
Montage. Randy beings out some muffins from the oven, then stirs some soup
Randy Singing

La lalala la la...

Randy
[glazing some marbled beef] Aww, fuck yeah. [next he chops onions]
Randy Singing

Lalalalala la, fraîche, fraîche.

Randy
[sniffing the aroma of freshly cooked turkey surrounded by russet potatoes] Ogh, yeah. Man, that ogh... [takes a small torch to some quiches, shows off a new dish on a fancy plate on a regular tray, squirts out some dinner roll batter on a cooking sheet, grinds some pepper onto a baked ham, flambés some shrimp, checks out some pork chops he's got cooking in the oven and likes what he sees]
Randy Singing

Crème fraîche, Cafeteria Fraîche. Lalalalala fraîche. Ho ho hohoho.

Stan
Dad, what are you doing?
Randy Singing

[as his head floats across the screen] Fraîche. [a logo finally shows up]

Randy
Fraîche.
Randy Singing

Cafeteria Fraîche.

Randy
Alright now, for my baked ziti we are gonna start off by getting some extra-virgin olive oil into the pan. [does so] Oh yeah, get that all over there. It's all slick. ...It's all wet and slick. Oh...
Craig
Can we have some food, please? [behind him stand Craig, Kevin, and some more fourth graders]
Randy
Now olive oil does have a low smoke point, so keep that heat low, and keep it fraîche. [the crew is shown: Stan operates the camera, Kyle the boom mike, Cartman and Kenny the klieg lights. Randy grates the cheese over the ziti] Ohhh, ohh that's so fuckin' hot. Look at that crust, it's perfect. Fuck yeah.
Stan
Dad! You aren't ever going to be a celebrity chef!
Randy
Quiet on set, please.
Stan
No Dad, that's enough! You need to be focusing on getting Mom back!
Randy
[distracted] Back from where?
A beach somewhere. A small table holding a bucket of ice and two Coronas is shown with a chaise longue on either side. On the right one is Sharon, on the left one is the Shake Weight
Sharon
Oh, this is so nice. I really needed this.
Shake Weight
You are so lovely and elegant. You can do anything you set your mind to.
Sharon
Oh, thanks Shake Weight.
Shake Weight
You are a go-getter. You are strong and confident.
Sharon
You're right.
Shake Weight
Tell me again about the women who you do not like.
Sharon
Well, Linda Stotch is a real gossiper and Tammy Bretts at work is just a know-it-all.
Shake Weight
Oh you are so witty and alarmingly insightful. [two beeps] How about a quick workout?
Sharon
[takes off her sunglasses] A workout? Right now?
Shake Weight
Just a quickie. You can do it.
Sharon
I don't really like working out in public.
Shake Weight
Come on. You can do it. [Sharon thinks about it, then picks up the weight with her left hand and shakes it. At first she keeps it at a distance, but soon shakes it normally] That's it. Good. Keep it up. Feel the burn. Harder. Faster. [Sharon does as told] You are amazing. Switch arms. [Sharon switches] Oh that's it. Yes. You are getting really good at this. You are capable of anything. Harder, faster. [Sharon does as told] I said faster. More. Do it. You are almost there. Home stretch. Oh yes. [a ring and two squirts] Your workout is finished. Your cab fare. [pours out some fare onto Sharon's left hand] Now going to sleep mode. [powers down]
A drama/music classroom at South Park Elementary. Stan, Kyle, and Kenny enter through an open door
Kyle
We really think this is gonna work, Stan. All we have to do is convince your dad that his cooking sucks, right?
Stan
He's not going to listen to us! We already tried!
Kyle
He won't listen to us, but he would listen to- Gordon Ramsay.
Cartman
[on stilts, dressed as Ramsay] Oy! Bebebebebebebe.
Stan
That's stupid, Cartman.
Kyle
He does kind of look like him dude. And Kenny thinks Cartman's Gordon Ramsay impersonation is really good.
Kenny
(Yeah, it's really good.)
Kyle
Let's hear it, Cartman!
Cartman
Riiight. Simple. Rustic. Ya? Wake up! Jesus! Fuck me. You're not a fucking chef! Hoi, right, good, ya. Make a nice, simple, beef Wellington. You're fucking taking a piss ya? Fuck me! You can't cook!
Stan
You guys, my dad is retarded, but not that retarded.
Randy
[enters the room] Hey Stan, have you seen my- Oh my God it's Gordon Ramsay! [backs out the door quickly and hides behind the door. Stan follows him out] Stan! Do you know who that is in there?! That's the Gordon Ramsay!
Stan
...Uh yeah Dad, he'd like to talk to you.
Randy
Talk to me?! Oh Jesus!
A hotel room. Sharon is sleeping in bed when something begins to beep. Sharon wakes up and looks around, gets up and goes to the dresser and opens a drawer. Inside, she sees the Shake Weight blinking and beeping. She picks up the weight in her right hand
Shake Weight
You have not worked out in seven hours.
Sharon
Oh God, not right now.
Shake Weight
Come on. Let's get to it.
Sharon
Ugh, I'm tired.
Shake Weight
You have not worked out in seven hours.
Sharon
Oh, where is that sleep mode button?
Shake Weight
Cannot go to sleep mode. You need to work out first. Come on. Just really fast?
Sharon
Ugghh.
Shake Weight
Come on. It won't take long. Just a quick workout. Come on. Please.
Sharon
[sighs] All right. Fine. [a few moments later, with the lights on, she begins shaking the weight]
Shake Weight
That's it. Good. [Sharon sighs] A little faster. Harder. [Sharon simply switches arm position, but doesn't shake any faster] Come on. Get into it. That's it. Now switch arms. [Sharon switches] You are so attractive and you have interesting things to say. [Sharon shakes the weight faster, but soon has to support her left arm with her right hand] Come on. You are almost there. Faster. Do it faster. [ding, two squirts, some change comes out] Now going to sleep mode. [powers down]
Sharon
[relieved] Ahhh.
South Park Elementary, day. In the cafeteria kitchen, Cartman tries to discourage Randy any way he can
Cartman
[still dressed as Ramsay] What the fuck kind of cook do you think you are?! Are you having a laugh, ey? Hey, you got your fucking head up your arse, don't you?!
Randy
Yes chef!
Cartman
Give up, you wanker! You fucking can't cook for shit!
Stan
Alright Dad, Gordon Ramsay said you suck. It's time to give up.
Randy
No, Stan! No, Chef! This is my dream!
Stan
Dad! You aren't ever going to become a celebrity chef, Dad! Give up on your dream! [another camera crew comes in, with another chef]
Bobby Flay
Uh, excuse me. Randy Marsh?
Randy
Yes, I- Oh my God, it's Bobby Flay! Stan, that's Bobby Flay!
Bobby Flay
I heard that Gordon Ramsay had taken an interest in your cafeteria food. So now I would like to challenge you to a school cafeteria food throwdown!
Randy
Whoa, are you serious?? [fist pump] Yes, yes!
Announcer
A culinary battle royale is set to explode here in a school cafeteria. Will it be the simple, rustic cafeteria food of the challenger, or will the Iron Chef reign supreme?
Stan
Hey no, no. All you people get out of here.
Jamie Oliver
[appears] Hold on. Wait. School cafeteria food needs to be healthy. [begins to cry] Why, why won't people listen to me?
Randy
Jamie Oliver!
Announcer
And our celebrity sous-chefs, Mario Batali, Paula Deen [she waves], and Giata De Laurentiis with her perky tats and gigantic head.
Kyle
Can I just get some Goddamned tater tots?
The hotel, day. Sharon arrives at her hotel room only to find it closed. A sign hangs on the door.
Sharon
"Your room is being serviced"? Ugh, oh well. [enters the room and finds the maid working out with the Shake Weight] Uhh, excuse me?
Rosemary
Oh, [turns around] uh no, no, [tosses the Shake Weight onto the bed] sorry. I done with cleaning, [runs to her cleaning tray and exits with it] thank you. Please, sorry. [after she leaves Sharon drops her shopping bag and walks to the bed. She crosses her arms and looks at the Shake Weight angrily]
Shake Weight
...What's the big deal? She wanted to work out. You never want to work out. I just needed help going to sleep. Mode. ...What? ...What? Come on. What? You are amazing and irreplaceable. What? How about a quick workout? What? [moments later Sharon is on the phone with the manufacturer]
Sharon
[pacing back and forth] Yeah, I don't care, I just wanna find out how to return my Shake Weight!
Shake Weight
This is ridiculous. Give Shake Weight a break.
Sharon
Because I want to return it now! I need to know the address of your company.
Shake Weight
You are enticing and lovely. Tell me again about the women you do not like.
Sharon
I don't care how long I've had it, I want my money back!
Shake Weight
You are so forthcoming and delightful. Tell me about which woman at work makes you the angriest. [Sharon stops and glares at it.]
Montage opener to a special program: closeups of a chef slicing a carrot to bits, another chef working on a pan dish, another grinding meat, another flipping a steak over, another kneading bread
Announcer
Tonight, a school cafeteria in Middle America is the stage for a heavyweight culinary battle. The very best of the best will cook off to find out who... can make the best school cafeteria food. It's... the Hell's Kitchen Nightmares Iron Top Chef Cafeteria Throwdown Ultimate Cookoff Challenge!
Randy
[walking with a huge metal pot past Mario Batali] Behind you!
Announcer
[looks at Giata De Laurentiis, then turns to face the camera] Whose cafeteria food will win? These chefs are cooking their hearts out and bringing their A-game to serve the kids of this elementary school. [the cafeteria is shown full of kids] These kids have now been waiting over twelve hours for their lunch. Over at the prep station Jamie Oliver is crying again.
Jamie Oliver
[on the floor] Kids' food should be healthy. Why ain't it healthy?
Announcer
And back in the kitchen the challenger appears to have lost something.
Randy
[walking around, frantic] Where is it, where is it?? I must have left it at home! [leaves the kitchen, goes through the cafeteria, and leaves] I'll be right back!
Announcer
The challenger has left the cafeteria to find his most important ingredient.
South Park main street, night. Randy runs home
Randy
Crème fraîche. Crème fraîche. [comes in through the garage and goes to the refrigerator, opens it, and rifles through the food] Where is it?! Where is it?! [goes to the sofa in the living room and takes off the cushions] Dammit, where is that crème fraîche?! [runs upstairs and into the master bedroom. He goes to the dresser and rifles through the top drawer] Where did I leave that fucking crème fraîche?! It has to be somewhere!
Sharon
[appearing at the doorway] Randy, I'm back.
Randy
[looks over his shoulder] Oh, thank God! [quickly walks up to her] Sharon! Have you seen my crème fraîche??
Sharon
Randy, we should talk.
Randy
I don't have time! I'm cooking right now!
Sharon
Randy, I don't want our marriage to fail. I don't know how to fix what's wrong, but please, can't we just go to bed and start fresh in the morning?
Randy
You don't understand, Sharon! I've got Gordon Ramsay up my ass, Bobby Flay out to kick my ass, and the whole world's gonna be watching! I can't sleep! I haven't slept for days!
Sharon
What'd you say?
Randy
[stops searching and crosses his arms] I can't sleep, Sharon! I'm in work mode!
Sharon
Can I try something?
The Marsh house, night, hallway. Randy and Sharon are still in the bedroom, but the door is locked shut
Randy
Oh... Sharon, what are you? Oh! Ohhhohoho, oh. Oh wow! A nice old-fashioned. [Stan walks into view] Oh that, oh that's good! Oh that's it. Yeah! [Stan stops and looks at the door] Now uh, switch arms. [Stan looks away, trying to make sense of what he's hearing] Oohh that's good. Really good. Wow! How'd you get so good at this? [Stan figures it out, turns, and walks away] You're amazing! That's it! Faster! Faster! Awwwgh! ...Awwwww. Awwwww. Haven't had an old-fashioned in a long time. [yawns] Ugh, I'm tired.
Sharon
You gonna go back to the kitchen?
Randy
Oh no, fuck that. I'm gonna go to sleep, babe. Here, do you need some money or anything?
Sharon
No, I'm good, thanks. [smiles]
Randy
I'll get my old job back tomorrow. Cooking's dumb. I'm just... really sleepy. [closes his eyes] Love you, Sharon. [farts, and he's asleep. Sharon remembers something and goes downstairs.]
The Marsh house, dining room. Her suitcase is on the table. Sharon walks up to her suitcase and opens it up
Shake Weight
I guess my work here is finished.
Sharon
Shake Weight, you aren't really workout equipment at all, are you?
Shake Weight
Marriage is important. Keep your man happy. When things are going bad, there's nothing like an old-fashioned to ease his stress.
Sharon
I'll remember that now, thanks to you.
Shake Weight
It has been nice getting to know you. How about a quick workout, for old times' sake? Just kidding. I must be going now. Another lovely woman needs me. Goodbye, customer.
Sharon
Goodbye, Shake Weight.
End of Crème Fraiche
  1414: "Crème Fraiche" edit
Story Elements

Shake WeightFood Network • "Cafeteria Fraiche"

Media

ImagesScriptWatch Episode

Release

South Park: The Complete Fourteenth Season