FANDOM



Leftarrow "Reverse Cowgirl/Script" "Cash For Gold/Script" "Faith Hilling/Script" Rightarrow

Cast

  • Stan Marsh
  • Kyle Broflovski
  • Eric Cartman
  • Butters Stotch
  • Kenny McCormick
  • Randy Marsh
  • Sharon Marsh
  • Marvin Marsh
  • Leroy Jenkins
  • Dean
  • Sign Holders
  • Cash For Gold Store Clerks
  • J&G Shopping Network Callers
    • Marcia Tubbs
    • Mrs. Appleby
    • Vivian
    • Other Unnamed Callers

Script

Cash For Gold
Looming Sunset Assisted Living center, day. We can surmise from this that Grandpa Marsh was put in this home when Sharon and Randy divorced shortly after Stan's 10th birthday. The family stops by for a visit.
Randy
Well, Dad, it was really great seeing you. We'd love to stay for dinner, but the food here gives Sharon diarrhea.
Sharon
What?! Randy!
Randy
[shushes her] Just trying to leave without being rude.
Marvin
[rolls over to a small table next to the TV. There's a gift-wrapped box on it] Hold on, hold on just a second. I got a present for my grandson. [gets the box and wheels back to the family] Come here, Billy. [meets Stan in the middle of the room] You've grown up, Billy. It's time for you to have somethin' expensive and flashy [Stan smiles and glances back at his parents], to impress all the ladies [Stan takes the gift from him, then looks back at his parents].
Sharon
Go ahead and open it, Stan. [Stan opens the gift as Shelly and his parents surround him. Sharon kneels behind him and looks over his shoulder] Ohoho look at that! A bolo tie! Isn't that beautiful, Stan? [she puts it on him - gold base, turquoise center, diamonds surrounding it (12 small, 24 tiny)]
Marvin
That's 14 karat gold, with turquoise and reeeal diamonds.
Randy
[approaches Marvin] Grandpa, how much did you spend on that?
Marvin
Six thousand dollars.
Randy
Six thousand?!
Marvin
It's worth fifty thousand. The Jewels and Gems Shopping Network said so.
Randy
Dad, you shouldn't be spending your retirement money on frivolous things! You should be saving it for when you die. That's our money!
Sharon
It's gorgeous, Dad, thank you. Oh, and tomorrow's picture day at school! Stan can wear it for his photo!
Marvin
Oh, that's wonderful! That'll make me feel reeeally good. Who's Stan?
The bus stop, next day. It's picture day! Cartman, Kyle, and Kenny are waiting at the bus stop. Stan approaches, wearing the bolo tie, and stands next to the other boys. Cartman studies him at length
Cartman
Nice bolo tie, Stan.
Stan
[looks away to avoid eye contact] Thanks. [Kyle takes notice]
Cartman
Bolo ties are... [quickly glances at Kyle] really in right now. Cool you have one.
Stan
[annoyed] Look, it was a gift from my grandpa, okay? And it cost a lot of money.
Cartman
No, dude, it's... badass.
Stan
[angered] It happens to be worth six thousand dollars!
Kyle
That... was six grand?
Stan
Yeah dude. It's a recreation of the bolo tie worn by King Henry V.
Cartman
...Dude, it's fucking gay as fuck.
Stan
[finally breaks, facepalming] I know! [lowers his right arm] I really wish if my grandpa wanted to give me something, he'd just give me the money!
Kyle
Why don't you take it to one of those pawn places? Every two blocks you see a guy with a sign that says "Cash For Gold and Jewelry." There must be a lot of people doin' it.
Downtown South Park, the jewelry district, day. Outside a Cash For Gold store a man spins a sign around with his hands. Inside, behind a bullet-proof partition, a clerk looks the bolo over with a jeweler's scope
Clerk 1
You didn't steal this, did you?
Stan
No, my grandpa gave to me as a present. But it's worth so much I reel really bad accepting it, so I just want the cash.
Clerk 1
[does some calculations on his computer] It's 14-karat gold, diamond and turquoise. I'll give you fifteen dollars.
Stan
...What? That cost my grandpa six thousand dollars. Those are real diamonds on the outside.
Clerk 1
Yeah, I can't really make anything on the diamonds. I'd have to send it to a smelter, have it all smelted down for the gold, probably could make a ten-dollar profit.
Stan
Fifteen bucks?!
Kyle
Dude, this guy's trying to rook us! We can go someplace else!
Stan
Yeah, I'm not gettin' taken advantage of! [takes back the bolo tie]
Cartman
You may suck our collective balls, sir! [they leave the store, turn right and walk]
Kyle
Don't worry. There's gotta be another cash for gold place around here somewhere.
Stan
Yeah! Here's one. [turns into the next store past the empty lot. The man outside is wearing a signboard]
Inside the second store, a fat blonde woman looks the bolo tie over
Clerk 2
These are real diamonds, right?
Stan
Yeah dude, you can test them.
Clerk 2
Okay. Eight dollars.
Stan
[stunned, then angry] This is the same bolo tie worn by King Henry V!
Clerk 2
[looks it over again] Nine dollars.
Taco Bell, day. No go at the second store, so the boys come here. Outside, a man twirls a sign around which also points to Taco Bell as a cash for gold and jewelry store. The boys go in and get the bolo tie appraised
Clerk 3
Welcome to Taco Bell. Would you like to try our Doritos Locos Tacos?
Stan
I wanna see how much you'll give me for this gold and turquoise diamond bolo. [hands the bolo to the clerk. The clerk looks it over, brings out his own pocket scope, and looks it over more closely]
Clerk 3
Fourteen-karat gold gets yaaa $14 a gram on the open market, got about... 4 grams here... [puts his scope away] It's not really worth my time. I guess I can give you a six-layer burrito for it.
Stan
A six-layer burrito?
Kyle
You guys don't even make a six-layer burrito!
Clerk 3
Alright, a seven-layer burrito! But that's as high as I'm going!
Outside Taco Bell, sitting on a curb
Stan
Dude, my grandpa paid $6000 for something barely worth anything. How? How does something like this happen?
J&G Shopping Network, Jewelry Bonanza with DEAN, Channel 233. The show is already in progress. Dean, dressed in a white Western shirt, shows off his wares
Dean
Okay, folks, we are com-, half-way complete with today's broadcast. [scratches his nose] You wanna get in on these deals, call now. Next item is... This is item number 4 5 7 8 1 1 1. [switch to a close-up] Look at these stunning earrings. These are genuine faux sapphire earrings. Fourteen karat gold, 86 carat faux sapphire. Faux is a French word. Got an x in it, but you don't need to pronounce the x. How do you like that for prestigious? These earrings normally go for $6,000,000. We're gonna sell these today fer... [purses his lips together and exhales through them] $320!That's a steal. Now th-oh, there go the phones, they're lightin' up. I believe we have a sale? Do we have a sale? Yea- let's get her on the line. Hello? Who am I speakin' with?
Vivian
Hello... my name is... Vivian.
Dean
Vivian, you just got a heck of a deal. What's your last name, sweetheart?
Vivian
Oh I... I can't remember.
Dean
You can't remember. Well can you remember your credit card number?
Vivian
3 7 1 5-
Dean
Hold on, Vivivan, we'll get you on with a rep, take down that number. Thanks for shoppin' with us and congratulations on the lovely 14 karat gold sapphire earrings. At that price you practically stole them from us. Ouch. Okay-
Cartman's house, day. The boys are looking at Jewelry Bonanza in the living room and have just seen an old woman get swindled out of her money
Kyle
Dude, that's terrible!
Cartman
I told you guys. I've been watching all day.
Stan
But, how do they get away with that?
Cartman
This is a new time. A new era of science that only the smartest can comprehend. [walks out]
Stan
What are you talking about?
Cartman
[standing next to a covered mobile whiteboard] For centuries alchemists have tried to come up with a formula to make gold. Whoever could do it would of course become rich, and now-! The chemical equation is right before our eyes. [unveils the equation]
Kyle
That's the chemical equation for gold?
Cartman
Dialog
Kyle
...Kenny, will you tell Cartman to shut up?
Kenny
(Shut the fuck up, dude! You're a fuckin' asshole!)
Cartman
Oh, I'm an asshole for doin' math!
Dean
Oh my gosh, can you believe this? Somebody's about to get this $20,000 topaz and copper ring for just four thousand bucks. [a close-up of the ring] We've got our buyer on the line. You buyin' this as a gift, sir?
Caller
No, I'm buying it as a gift! For my grandson Billy!
Stan
Grandpa? [gets off the sofa and runs out the front door]
Looming Sunset Assisted Living, night. Marvin is watching Jewely Bonanza. Onscreen is a necklace with a large emerald on it
Dean
How about that, folks? That is Brazilian emerald, finest emerald available. We're letting this oen go fer... fourteen ninety five [$1495.00 onscreen], EZ Pay. We call it that to save you time. EZ is an abbreviation of easy. Fourteen ninety five, EZ Pay an... What's that? Okay, alright, I just got word, we are droppin' the Z from EZ Pay. It's now just E Pay. [onscreen EZ Pay is erased, then E Pay appears] By usin' the word E Pay instead of takin' all that time to say EZ Pay, we're savin' you a second of time, and those seconds add up. Go ahead and try it: say E Pay five thousand times. That's five thousand seconds, nine hours... we just saved you here on J&G Shoppin' Network. [Grandpa's eyes begin to wander] Not wastin' your time here, you can't afford not to buy this one. You don't have a lot of time left. Literally. Pass this one down to your kids, your grandkids. [Stan appears at the doorway] Show 'em your life had meaning.
Stan
Grandpa.
Marvin
[turns his head to the left to look at Stan] Well you see that, Billy? That's an emerald on 14 karat gold. Don't you think your sister would like that? [smiles]
Stan
She doesn't like jewelry, Grandpa.
Marvin
Ha! Well she will one day. She'll appreciate it. She's, she's just a baby after all.
Stan
She's not a baby, Grandpa, she's thirteen.
Marvin
Shelly's thirteen? Rihight. Right, boy... [faces the TV again, visibly shaken] Billy, did I ever tell you I used to have a border collie named Patches?
Stan
Yes, Grandpa.
Marvin
[reminiscing with a smile] I loved that dog. She always made me so happy. When she died, I... I didn't let myself get too sad, 'cause I thought, thought I'd always have the memory of her slobberin' happy face. [the smile disappears] I can't remember what she looked like, Billy... Huh. Huohh. [gets a headache and rests his head on his left hand]
Stan
Don't worry, Grandpa. I'm gonna take care of this! [turns to his left and leaves with determination. Marvin is left looking distressed]
South Park Elementary, playground, day. During recess, Butters twirls a sign around, while Cartman is decked out in all sorts of jewelry.
Cartman
Hey Craig. Goin' on? Token! Bet your mom has some old jewelry she wouldn't notice missing. Bebe! You got those rhinestones in your earrings, I'll have some walking cash! I can probably offer you a-
Butters
[loses control of the sign] Whoops! [it lands face up on the snow]
Cartman
[quickly analyzing the situation] Butters, what the fuck?!
Butters
[winces, then massages his right arm] Sorry. My arms hurt.
Cartman
"My arms hurt." Pick the fucking sign up, Butters! This is a business! [Butters picks the sign up and resumes twirling]
Leroy
Hey! How much will you give me for this? [shows him a ring with a huge rock on it]
Cartman
Oh ahhhh, three bucks.
Leroy
Okay. [gives the ring to Cartman, who transfers it to his left hand. Cartman reaches into his back pocket and give Leroy the three dollars. Leroy turns and walks away]
Cartman
We got crappy jewelry Butters. Now all we need are some old people.
Jewelry Bonanza.
Dean
And that's it, we just sold this bracelet to Ms. Marcia Tubbs. Martha, thank you so much for your call. You just got yourself a heck of a deal on this one. You there Marcia?
Marcia
[over the phone] Yes. [a car honks at her] I'm lost. I'm lost walkin' on the freeway.
Dean
Alright, you're lost walkin' on the freeway? Enjoy the Tiger's Eye Aquamarine bracelet. Alri- okay, what should we do next? Oh I see one. Here's a good'un. Lemme... [picks out a ring with a large yellow stone in the middle] Lemme... lemme set the stage for you here: you're goin' to that seniors' cocktail party? It's bingo night and you're lookin' for somethin' to wear? How about a 13 carat panzoto-panzanite ring. This is-oh! We got a caller already on this one! Hello sir, you must be a fan of panzoto-panzanite.
Stan
Yeah, hi. Um, you should kill yourself?
Dean
...What's that?
Stan
I said, you should kill yourself? What you do is sort of, unjustifiable? And you know it's unjustifiable? And you don't care? You're the definition of evil? Kill yourself?
Dean
Okay, we're gonna sell this ring for just thirty-seven ninety five. [$3,795.00 onscreen] How's that? [puts the ring onto a woman's right ring finger.]
Stan
I just read that the day shopping networks make most of their money is on the day seniors pick up Social Security checks? Kill yourself.
Dean
Alright, well you shouldn't say things like that 'cause... some host of a jewelry channel sure might up and do it, and then you'd feel really bad.
Stan
No i wouldn't.
Dean
Yes you would.
Stan
No, because I really want you to kill yourself.
Dean
Alright, well how about this?! If a jewelry network host goes home tonight and blows the brains out, you might be liable. That's a lawsuit worth ...2.7 million dollars? How's that sound?
Stan
I don't care what happens to me, I care about my grandfather, you morally empty corrupted maggot!
Dean
[long silence as the jewelry carousel goes around] Alright, I tell you what: I'll bring the lawsuit down to twenty-nine thirty-nine- [the $6,000,000 is erased and replaced by $2,939.00]
Stan
Nono, uh it doesn't matter what price you put on anything! Your only chance to right the wrongs you've done, and repay all the elderly people whose lives you've destroyed, is to kill yourself.
Dean
[another long silence, then he clears his throat] Well, you think it's funny, but that's, that's callin' up and tellin' someone to kill themselves; that's not a joke.
Stan
I'm not joking. [pause] Do it.
Eric Jewelry Cavalcade, with Eric. Now on the Old People's Shopping Network, founded by Eric Cartman. He's in his basement, behind a table with his own props and jewelry
Cartman
Okay, next item? Next item we're gonna do is uh, 5 5 2 1 6 uh 7, 7 5, 5 [actually 55-26177] This is-oh my God, look at this you guys. [shows off the ring Leroy sold him earlier] This is 200 carat Brazilian emerald and plasticine ring. I'm gonna start bidding for this ring at, um, let's see, eight billion dollars. Eight billion dollars, opening bid. We've gotta sell this ring today. Tell you what, I'm gonna take it down a little. We're gonna drop that price down to... $75.95. At this price it's not gonna last for lo-oh, we got a caller already, Butters? Butters? Look like- Did we sell it? Yep, seventy-five ninety-five, that's what the rung just sold for. Do we have the buyer on the line? Hello?
Caller
Hello?
Cartman
YES, you just bought this lovely 200-carat ring. How do you feel, Mrs...?
Mrs. Appleby
This is Mrs. Appleby on 24 Palmark Lane?
Cartman
Can I ask you something, Mrs. Appleby? Do you like fucking little boys?
Mrs. Appleby
[long pause] I'm sorry?
Cartman
Just wondering if you fuck kids all the time, 'cause that's what you just did with this deal. You just got an $8,000,000,000 ring for seventy-five ninety-five. You fucked me good, Mrs. Appleby. Congratulations, ma'am.
Mrs. Appleby
Thank you.
Cartman
Were you just flippin' through the channels and saw me selling this ring and thought "Hm, I'd like to fuck that kid!"
Mrs. Appleby
...I thought it'd be a lovely gift for my granddaughter Jessica. She's captain of the debate team at Jefferson High School. see-
Cartman
Oh-kay, thanks for shopping with us. I gotta get the taste of old lady dick out of my mouth.
Mrs. Appleby
Goodbye.
Cartman
Bye! Man that's good acting. I should get an award.
A smelting plant. Shown is the Oscar for Best Actor: Sean Penn in Milk. The camera pulls back to reveal a pile of gold jewelry on which the Oscar sits. A shovel comes in and scoops it up with some other jewelry. The worker holding the shovel moves it to a vat of molten gold and dumps the jewelry into the vat. Escaping air makes a fart sound as the jewelry sinks into liquid gold, and then some bubbles popping follow
Stan
Do you have any idea what it would feel like to start losing your memories?! No! Because you don't have someone in your life suffering from Alzheimer's! Well I do!
Manager
Look, kid, if you've got a beef with the system, you're talkin' to the wrong people. All we do is smelter down what we get from the cash for gold places.
Stan
Yeah?! Well there's an old Hindu saying: "Whoever smelt it, dealt it!"
Kyle
Yeah!
Kenny
(Fuck yeah!)
Manager
We aren't the ones who denied you what your jewelry was really worth. The Hindu saying is actually "Mayii nahii chahatapahnii"
Kyle
What does that mean?
Manager
"Whoever denied it, [lowers his voice] supplied it." [the boys are stunned]
The neighborhood park, day. Stan is now on a crusade to stop this madness, but he hasn't found the right target. Kyle has his arms crossed
Stan
YOU are the scums of the earth! Old people are victimized by shopping networks and YOU kick back in your fat-cat mansions, making billions!
Butters
[looks around at his fellow sign twirlers] We aren't makin' that much, fellas.
Stan
You're not?
Twirler 1
Who don't you yell at the people who melt the gold down? The old Hindu saying is "Whever smelt it dealt it" [other twirlers agree with him: "Yeah!" "That's right!"]
Kyle
[leans forward] Nuh uh! It's "Whoever denied it, supplied it!"
Twirler 2
You got it all wrong. The jewelry that those shopping networks sell don't even come from us! It's all made in India, where those Hindu rhymes come from!
Twirler 3
What are you saying, Gustav? My God, do you mean?
Twirler 4
That's right. Whoever made the rhyme did the crime.
Gems Wholesale, day. Cartman walks by with a briefcase
Cartman
Suck my balls, suck my balls... [enters the store] Hello!
Clerk 4
[An Asian woman] Ohhhh welcoooome! Welcome to discount jewelry stohhhhh! [her two assistants join her as Cartman takes a seat at the counter]
Cartman
[shoves his briefcase to one side] Yeah, listen, I'm running a retail business, but I can't get enough of people's unwanted crappy jewelry to keep up, so I'd like to buy some of yours.
Clerk 4
[claps way too quickly] Ohhhhh you so good foh biiiziness! [points to her brain] You so clehhvahh.
Cartman
I get by. Let's see, I'm gonna need some gold necklaces, diamond bracelets, and emerald earrings.
Clerk 4
Okay, what emero do you rike?
Cartman
Oh, I don't know, I guess I'll take that ring there.
Clerk 4
Ohhhh you make so good chooice! Oh it's beauuutiful! [shows her aides] Look it's beauuutiful! [they too clap way too quickly]
Cartman
And uh, maybe I'll that one for three hundred.
Clerk 4
Oh, that's best one! You so clevohh! [claps quickly a few times] You take advantage o'my low pricess! [claps a few times]
Cartman
How about that panzanite bracelet for nine ninety five.
Clerk 4
You got good eye, [points to her brain] You so clehhvahh. I getting taken advantaaage! You rike to fuck an Asian lady?
Cartman
[long pause] What d'ja say?
Clerk 4
I know, you walk by my stoh and you say "Oh, there's a nice Asian lady. I think I go in and I fuck hurh," you Asian-lady fucker you!
Cartman
Wait a minute. How much do you pay for this stuff?
Clerk 4
Oh, I pay thousands! And you come heuh an' fuck me!
Cartman
Okay, quit the act! I'm not fucking you and you know it!
Clerk 4
Nono, you fucked me!
Cartman
Nono, you fucked me! Fuck you!
India Manufacturing, Inc., a rainy day somewhere in India. A taxi pulls up to the plant, with Cartman and Butters inside. Butters opens his door and hops out, then opens Cartman's door. Cartman looks around and clears his throat to get Butters' attention.
Butters
Oh sorry, sorry. [looks back at his seat and pulls out the sign. then points it at Cartman. Cartman then hops out and proceeds to the plant, with Butters following]
Inside the plant. All the workers here are children working in cubicles, assembling new jewelry. A supervisor walks by collecting newly finished jewelry in a metal box. The receptionist shows Cartman and Butters in while one boy is sealing packages in another room
Cartman
[to the receptionist] You see, I'm looking to cut out the middle man. I want to buy my jewelry direct from you so that- [a disturbing sight stops him in his tracks] Motherfucker!
Stan
[railing at an older Indian boy] You should be ashamed of the people in America that you are exploiting! How dare you take advantage of those less fortunate?! [Kenny and Kyle are with him]
Cartman
[approaches the other boys] You dirty double-crossing assholes! You're trying to cut me out, huh?! You guys stole my formula, then tried to fuck me- Butters!
Butters
Sorry! [catches up to him]
Cartman
-and then tried to fuck me out of your business!
Kyle
We're not fucking you, they're fucking Stan's grandpa!
Cartman
No, they're getting fucked by Asian ladies!
Stan
Somebody is at the head of all this, and somebody needs to pay! All I want is some Goddamned retribution for my Goddamned grandpa! [the boy reaches for a necklace and offers it to Stan] No! Not a diamond-and-gold necklace! [the boy thinks about what to do with the necklace, then reaches for a small plastic pouch and puts it in. The boy motions to another boy]
Kyle
What's he doing?
Montage. The boy tosses the necklace into a box being carried by another supervisor, then motions to someone else as the supervisor carries the box away. Outside, several workers load up a truck. The supervisor gives his box to one of the loaders. A planeload of jewelry leaves India and arrives at Atlanta. The box is then shipped by QDC to J&G headquarters. A J&G worker carries a gold ruby necklace to Dean at his Jewelry Bonanza set. He then puts the necklace on camera and sells it to an elderly woman who still lives at home. A FedExX truck arrives at her house and the driver delivers it to her personally. He tips his hat to her as he leaves. She opens the package right then and there, at her front door, and pulls out the necklace. She gives it to her daughter, who is quite happy to get it. The daughter goes to a Cash For Gold store and sells it to the clerk. He puts it into a box containing other jewelry, puts in more jewelry to fill the box up, then delivers it to an Industrial Smelting and Refining plant. He sells it to one of the workers there. The worker brings it into a room and splits the jewelry among his associates. They sort the gems by type as they dismantle the jewelry. The gold is sent to be melted down and made into gold bars. The gold and jewels are sent separately back to India, where an IPS truck goes to India Manufacturing to deliver the raw materials. The workers deliver the materials to the supervisors, who take them inside and distribute them among the child workers. The child workers assemble the raw materials into new jewelry, and the cycle starts again. Back in Atlanta, more packages are delivered to J&G headquarters by E-Z Delivery. A J&G worker delivers a gold amethyst necklace to Dean, who sells it to an elderly couple. An ADL truck arrives and the driver delivers it to the couple. The husband receives it and opensn it. The driver tips his hat and leaves. The couple then offer the necklace to their daughter, who's overjoyed to get it. She and her husband take the necklace to a different cash for gold store and sell it to the clerk there. The necklace is dismantled into its various parts and the gold melted down again. IPS delivers the raw materials back to India Manufacturing. A supervisor dumps some gems onto the desk of a different child worker, who is working on a picture frame. He finishes the frame and walks up to the older boy. The older boy takes the picture frame to Stan and gives it to him.
Stan
Oh, yeah. Actually, this might kind of work.
The park surrounding Looming Sunset, day. Stan is visiting Marvin, who's well enough to sit on the bench with him with the use of a cane
Stan
So the we went to India, which is pretty cool I guess. I've never been there before. And we basically learned that whoever smelt it, denied it, and rhymed it actually dealt it.
Marvin
Ahh, sounds like you had a fun weekend.
Stan
Yeah, I guess so. Anyway Grandpa, I wanted to give you something. [hands him the gift]
Marvin
Oh, for me? [takes the gift and unwraps it] Oh! My God. There she is. [a picture of Grandpa in younger days with his dog] Old Patches. There's that slobberin' happy face! Thank you Billy. That means a lot. [they smile at each other for a moment] Billy, that... that bolo tie you're wearing?
Stan
Yeah.
Marvin
I don't know where you got that, but it's fucking gay as fuck.
Stan
Cool. I, I won't wear it anymore.
Marvin
That's a good idea. [looks back at the picture and smiles. Stan looks down and away]
Jewelry Bonanza with Dean. Onscreen is a pair of earrings selling for $2800.00
Dean
Folks, these are not your ordinary peridot craponite earrings, these are 18-karat gold! and we got-oh, do we have a buyer on the line? Hello?
Caller 1
[long pause] What are you waiting for? Kill yourself.
Dean
Alright Goddamnit, we got another comedian. Ever since that little kid called up, now everybody wants to call and tell me I should kill myself.
Caller 1
He was right. Do it.
Dean
Folks, this is an 800 number. Every time you call and tell me to kill myself, it's costing us... two dollars and thirty six cents! So now, how about a caller who wants to buy jewelry ? Yes. Hello, sir?
Caller 2
You're too scared to do it, aren't-cha? You don't have the balls.
Dean
Goddamnit I'm not scared to do it.
Caller 2
New, you're scared. You got, you got lady balls. [hangs up. The dial tone is heard and Dean moves on to the next call]
Caller 3
Hello? I'm calling about the peridot earrings?
Dean
Yes ma'am!
Caller 3
They'd look good on your dead body. Why don't you kill yourself?
Dean
Alright, that's that! That there's the- the straw that broke the camel's back! I got a gun right here; whattaya think about that?!
Caller 3
Put it against your temple and pull the trigger. [long pause. The gun is cocked and then goes off. A thump is heard and blood lands all over the set. The soothing music plays on]
End of Cash For Gold
  1602: "Cash For Gold" edit
Story Elements

DeanCash For Gold Sign HoldersGems WholesaleIndia Manufacturing Inc. Workers Looming Sunset Assisted LivingTaco BellCash For Gold (Locations)India Manufacturing Inc.J&G Shopping NetworkOld People's Shopping Network • "The Jewelry Polka"

Media

ImagesScriptWatch Episode

Release

South Park: The Complete Sixteenth Season