Upon the death of his grandmother, Cartman inherits $1,000,000. Delighted, Cartman makes an offer to buy an amusement park, North Park Funland, having always wanted a park all to himself without having to wait in lines. When he hears of Cartman's good fortune, Kyle comes down with a stress-induced hemorrhoid, which becomes increasingly worse as Cartman's fortune increases. After an ad about Cartman's theme park comes on TV (informing people that no one will be allowed in, which business analysts wrongly believe to be "the brilliant 'you can't come' marketing technique"), Kyle and Stan attempt to sneak into the theme park. Unfortunately, Kyle pops his hemorrhoid on the barbed wire fence, infecting the sore and almost killing him. He is taken to the hospital where he renounces his faith completely, and his parents' description of the trials of Job does little to assure him, only resulting in him believing God is even worse.
In the hospital, Stan tries to reassure Kyle that nobody can enjoy a theme park alone, but Cartman is shown to be having considerable fun. However, after the incident with Stan and Kyle, he is forced to hire a security guard, and to get the money to pay his salary, he agrees to let in two paying customers a day. More expenses begin to pile up, though, with broken rides, food, utilities and such, and Cartman ends up having to let in hundreds of people per day. Regardless, the park ends up becoming incredibly successful, as the fact that more and more people were slowly allowed in when Cartman absolutely had to.
In the hospital, Kyle watches a news broadcast which tells him that the park is incredibly successful and making lots of money, and it praises Cartman for being such an amazing businessman. He abruptly suffers from temporary heart failure, and though he is resuscitated it becomes clear that he is losing his will to live.
Meanwhile, though, Cartman is furious that his park is completely full. He sells the park back to its original owner for a profit. However, his money is promptly taken to pay off the IRS and a lawsuit by Mr. and Mrs. McCormick, as Kenny died on one of the roller coasters (though in Cartman's defense, he was standing up when he was supposed to be seated). He also owes an additional $13,000 for attempted fraud which he cannot pay. He frantically tries to buy the park back from the owner so he can pay it off, but the owner won't resell due to the parks' new-found success.
Stan gets the idea to bring Kyle down to the park, where they observe that Cartman is extremely miserable and frustrated; more so than if he had never acquired the park in the first place. He throws stones at his old park, but his old security guard sprays him in the eyes and puts him in horrible pain. Observing this justice, Kyle regains his faith and desire to live, his illness is put into remission, and he recovers almost instantly. He awakens and, seeing Cartman's misery, realizes there is a God who cares after all.