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An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig/Script

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The official script for "An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig" was released by South Park Studios. It is located here!

Cast

Script

An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig
Bus Stop.
Cartman
Hey Stan, where'd you get that black eye?
Stan
Nothing, I mu-I mean, nowhere.
Cartman
Your sister beat you up again, huh?
Stan
No!
Cartman
Eheh, you know, heh, your sister kicked your ass.
Stan
She's just pissed off 'cause she got headgear at the dentist. She's taking it out on me.
Kyle
Yeah, but that sucks, to get your butt kicked by a girl, Stan.
Cartman
I would never let a woman kick my ass. If she tried anything, I'd be like, "hey, you get your bitch ass back in the kitchen, and make me some pie!"
Stan
My parents don't even believe that she beats me up. They think she's all innocent and sweet, but I know that she's an evil bitch!
Cartman
Be a man Stan. Just say, "Hey woman, ye-you shut your mouth and make babies."
Stan
Hey Kyle, what's that elephant doing?
The camera pulls back to get the elephant in the picture.
Kyle
You mean this one?
Stan
Yeah.
Kyle
He's my new pet elephant.
Stan
Whoa dude! Where'd you get a pet elephant?
Kyle
I got it mail ordered from Africa. The ad said it would take 4 to 6 weeks, but it only took three.
Stan
Wow, that's cool!
Kyle
No it's not cool! My mom won't let me keep him in the house. She says he's too big, and that his poop is bigger than our couch.
Cartman
That's why my mom got me a pot-bellied pig. Cause its poop is small.
Kenny
(Hey you guys, I talked to Garrison and he told me that they're almost the same.)
Stan
Well yeah, but pigs aren't smart, like elephants.
Ms. Crabtree's bus arrives.
Ms. Crabtree
Hey. Wait a minute. What is that thing?
Kyle
Uh, oh, this, this is, the new retarded kid.
Ms. Crabtree
Oh—I'm sorry little girl. But you still can't get on. You have to take the special ed bus.
Shot of retarded kid bus. Retarded noises of protest are heard.
Kyle
Boy, it looks like you're not welcome anywhere elephant. See ya.
He enters the bus with Stan and Kenny.
Cartman
[Entering.] If a woman ever gave me crap, I'd say, "Hey, you go do my laundry and-"
Ms. Crabtree
SIT DOWN KID!!!
Cartman
[Stung.] Yes ma'am.
Mr. Garrison's Classroom.
Mr. Garrison
And now children, our friend Mr. Hat is going to tell us all about genetic engineering.
Mr. Hat
That's right Mr. Garrison, genetic engineering is an exciting new science. You can splice the DNA from some animals, and make them better.
Kyle
Mr. Garrison?
Mr. Garrison
Yes Kyle.
Kyle
With genetic engineering, can you make an elephant smaller?
Mr. Garrison
Well, uh, ye, yes, I suppose you could. You could, splice elephant genes with a dog, or cat, or a, pot-bellied pig genes.
Kyle
That's it. I'm going to combine my elephant with a pot-bellied pig and make...pot-bellied elephants.
The class gasps.
Kyle
They'd be smart like elephants, but small like pigs.
Stan
That'd be cool!
Bebe
I want a pot-bellied elephant.
Pip
Yes, I'll pay fifty dollars for one.
Terrance Mephesto
That's stupid.
Kyle
Shut up Terrance, we can geneti-cal engineer anything we want.
Terrance
Oh yeah, I bet I can genetically clone a whole human being before you crossbreed and elephant and a pig.
Kyle
I'll bet you can't.
Terrance
Watch me plebeian.
Mr. Garrison
Well, spank my ass and call me Charlie. Isn't this exciting, two A+ students in a cloning war.
Mr. Hat
Yes Mr. Garrison, genetic engineering lets us correct God's horrible, horrible mistakes, like German people.
Mr. Garrison
You know, you boys might want to visit the Genetic Engineering Ranch outside of town for some help. And you could both use this for your science fair projects next month.
The bell rings. Most of the class leaves, but the boys stay behind.
Kyle
Genetic Engineering Ranch! Sweet!
Stan
Wait, wait. We still need a pig.
Kyle
We can use Cartman's pig.
Cartman
Ehh, you leave Fluffy out of this!
Kyle
We're not gonna hurt her, we just need some of her blood.
Cartman
You're not using any of Fluffy's blood, or else I'll kick you in the nuts. Kyle, Kyle no!
The boys leave.
Mr. Garrison steps forward to stop Stan.
Mr. Garrison
Uh, uhuh, Stanley, can I talk to you for a minute?
Stan
Okay.
Mr. Garrison
I couldn't help but notice that black eye you have. Are there problems at home?
Stan
[Despondantly.] Yes...
Mr. Garrison
Oh dear. Here Stanley, sit down, have some cocoa, and tell your friend Mr. Hat all about it.
Stan sits down.
Mr. Hat
I'm your friend, Mr. Hat, Stan. You can tell me anything. Now, who hits you, is it your father, or your mother?
Stan
Oh, neither. It's my sister.
Mr. Garrison
[Indignantly.] Your sister?! Oh for Pete's sake, don't be such a little wuss. Stop wasting Mr. Hat's time with pansy little foo-foo problems, and, give me back my cocoa!
Stan's house. A TV is heard.
Jesus
Let's open the phone lines back up for some questions...
Shelly turns to see Stan coming out of the sofa's shadow.
Shelly Marsh
Hey!
Robert
Yeah, is this Jesus?
Jesus
Yes, my son.
Stan
Hi Shelly.
Shelly
Are you looking at my headgear?
Stan
Headgear? What headgear?
Shelly
Are you looking at my headgear?
Stan
Oh, uh gosh uh, I didn't really notice.
Shelly gets up and glowers at him.
Shelly
You little liar.
She starts advancing, and Stan starts retreating.
Stan
No, I think it looks terrific. It matches your AAAAAH!
Stan turns to run, but she has his arm, she proceeds to beat the living hell out of him. She tosses him down the stairs into the basement, then approaches the doorway. He climbs out, but she flips him back towards the living room, then goes for the TV and drops it on his head. After the TV shorts out, he removes it, but she throws him like a basketball out the window, where his friends are waiting.
Kyle
Ready to go Stan?
Stan
Go where?
Kyle
To the Genetical Engineering Ranch.
Kyle
We got Cartman's pig so we can splice its genes with my elephant's.
Cartman
Nobody's splicin' nothing from Fluffy!
From the broken window.
Shelly
I swear I'm gonna kill you Stan!
Kyle
Why's your sister so mean to you dude?
Cartman
Yeah, if some sissy chick tried to kick my ass, I'd be all like, "Hey, listen, missy, eh, yewhy don't you go knit me sweater before I slap you in the face!"
She appears at the broken window.
Shelly
Who said that?
All stay quiet. Cartman points to Kenny.
South Park Engineering Ranch, night. The boys approach the entrance.
Kyle
This must be it.
Lightning strikes the ranch.
Cartman
[A bit wary.] Well, looks like nobody's home. Guess we should come back some other time.
Kyle
No, Cartman, we're going in there and splicing Fluffy and my elephant together.
Cartman
It's okay Fluffy, I won't let them hurt you.
Kyle
It's just a stupid pig.
Stan
Yeah, quit being such a baby.
Cartman
Baby?! Well, at least I don't get my ass kicked by a girl!
Stan
At least I'm not a little pig-fucker!
Cartman
Hey! I'm taking my pig and...Screw you guys! I'm going home! This whole idea's stupid anyway.
Kyle
What the hell would you know you fat sweaty mongoloid, you never get higher than a 'D'!
Cartman
Hey! Why don't you go back to San Francisco with the rest of the Jews?!
Kyle
There's no Jews in San Francisco, you retard!
Cartman
I'll kick you in the nuts!
Dr. Alphonse Mephesto
Can I help you?
The boys all gasp, and Kenny pulls his hood closed.
Kenny
Mmmmmm!
Kyle
Uh... yeah... we want to crossbreed an elephant with a pig.
Mephesto
Brilliant idea, huge elephant-sized pigs.
Kyle
No, no, no. We want to make little pot-bellied elephants that people can keep in their houses as pets.
Mephesto
Ohh, that's an even better idea. Come on in.
Inside the South Park Genetic Engineering Ranch.
Mephesto
I'm so pleased that you children are interested in genetic engineering.
Cartman
Eh, it's okay Fluffy, nobody's going to hurt you.
Mephesto
It's thanks to the wonders of genetic engineering that soon there will be an end to hunger, disease, pollution, even war. I have created things that will change the world for the better. For instance, here is a monkey with four asses.
Monkey
Mhhh.
Kyle
How does that make the world better?
Mephesto
And here, of course, is my four assed ostrich. And my four assed mongoose.
Stan
Do you have anything besides just animals with four asses?
Mephesto
Oh, uh, I suppose so uh. Oh yes, over here. Here I have rats splice with ducks, and gorillas spliced with mosquitos, and here I have rabbits spliced with fish to make little bunnyfish.
Cartman
Heyyy, these bunny ears are tied on with little strings.
Mephesto
And over here, Swiss cheese spliced with chalk, and a beard.
Kyle
Well, what about our pot-bellied elephant?
Mephesto
Oh. Well I'm sorry children, but, pig and elephant DNA just won't splice. Haven't you ever heard that song by 'Loverboy'?
Kyle
Which song is that?
Mephesto

Diindoon - pig and elephant DNA just won't splice!

Although, maybe I could help you add a few asses to that swine of yours.

Cartman
You can keep your hands off of Fluffy's ass!
Mephesto
You know, it's amazing what we can do with a little blood sample these days.
Mephesto pricks Stan with the syringe.
Stan
Ow!
Mephesto
Hmm? What? Oh, excuse me.
Kyle
Wait, what are you taking Stan's blood for?
Mephesto
Oh, pardon me, I tripped. Could I have some hair please?
Kyle
Watch out Stan! Genetic engineers are crazy.
The boys quickly move away.
Cartman
Come on Fluffy!
Fluffy Squeals.
Inside the Cafeteria.
Kid 1
This fish is just hurting my anus.
Kid 2
Naw, it's pretty fresh.
Cartman
UUuuhh. I sure am hungry.
Pip
'Ello gentlemen, any of you blokes know what's for lunch today?
Silence. The boys stare back.
Pip
Lunchy munchies, hmmm?
Cartman
Go away, Pip! Nobody likes you!
Kyle
Yeah, what kind of name is Pip anyway?!
Pip
Well, my father's family name being Pirrip, and my Christian name being Phillip, my infant tongue...
Cartman
God Damnit, would you shut the hell up?! Nobody gives a rat's ass.
Stan
Yeah! Go away, Pip!
Pip
Righto.
Pip walks off.
Cartman
Gah, French people piss me off.
Terrance, Bill, & Fosse Approach.
Terrance
Hey dumb-asses. You morons give up on your stupid science fair project yet?
Kyle
No! We're already halfway done.
Terrance
Halfway? Then all you've got is a stupid pig.
Bill
Yeah, it's probably a gay pig too.
Fosse
Stupid gay pig.
Kyle
It's more than you've got!
Terrance
Wroong. We've already got our human clone well under way.
One of the bullies opens a bag and drops it. A foot pops out.
Kyle
Oh my God! They cloned a foot.
The foot kicks Cartman in the face.
Cartman
Ugh!... Hey! I'll kick your ass!
Cartman kicks it away, and it lands in Pip's lunch tray and bounces away.
Pip
Eho!
Terrance
By Friday, we're gonna clone a whole human being. Good luck with your stupid little pig.
In the kitchen
Chef
Hello there children.
Kyle
Hey Chef.
Chef
How you doin'?
Boys
Bad.
Chef
Why bad?
Kyle
We need to genetically engineer our pig and an elephant, but their genes won't splice.
Chef
Ahhhh, of course they won't splice children. Haven't you ever heard that song by 'Loverboy'?
Chef

Dooodnnndoodnn - A pig and an elephant DNA just won't...

A pig-elephant. Say, now that's not a bad idea.

Kyle
I told you guys.
Chef
Imagine, a pint sized elephant that you could keep in the house. Children, we could make a fortune with this.
Kyle
You hear that dudes? We'll be rich!
Chef
Forget about all that genetic engineering whoosafudge. If you want to combine a pig and an elephant, just get them to make sweeet love.
Cartman
Whaaat?!
Stan
I don't think an elephant would make love to a pig.
Cartman
I don't think my pig would want to make love to that stupid elephant.
Chef
Sure they would. But you're gonna have to get 'em in the mood.
Stan
So how do we do that?
Chef
Do what I do, get 'em goood and drunk.
Boys get off the bus later that day.
Stan
Hey uh, you guys want to come over to my house?
Kyle
We've got work to do Stan, I think it takes a while for an elephant to get drunk.
Chef
Really, you, you guys don't want to come over for just a little bit?
Cartman
Why? Is your sister gonna kick your ass again?
Stan
Shut up Cartman!
Kenny
(Or are you gonna hit her with your hand?)
Kyle
Yeah Stan, she's just a girl.
Cartman
Yeah, if some girl tried to kick my ass, I'd be like, "hey, why don't you stop dressin' me up like a mailman, annnd making me dance for you while you go and smoke crack in your bedroom and have sex with some guy I don't even know, on my dad's bed!"
Astonished looks from the other guys.
Stan
Cartman, what the hell are you talking about?!
Cartman
I'm just saying you're just a little wuss, that's all.
Kyle
Stan, you can use family love as a weapon against Shelly. The next time she's gonna kick your ass, just tell her, "Shelly, you're my sister, and I love you."
Kenny
("And I want to see you handling your breasts.")
Stan
Sick dude, she's my sister.
Kyle
Try it. We'll see you in a while, we got to go get Cartman's pig.
Cartman
No, you don't gotta get Cartman's pig! You leave Fluffy out of this!
Kyle
Come on Kenny.
Cartman
Kyle no, seriously. No fuckin' elephant is going to make love to my Fluffy, I... Kyle, I will kick you in the nnnnuts.
Stan
Crap.
Stan's house. Stan sneaks through the front door.
TV Voice
And now back to Jesus and Pals on South Park Public Access...
Shelly
Are you staring at my neck-brace?
Stan
No, I mean, yes, I mean, what neck-brace?
She jumps off the sofa and grabs him by the throat.
Stan
Shelly, before you beat my face into a bloody pulp again, I just want you to know that... that you're my sister, and I love you.
Shelly smiles, Stan smiles, it looks like she's gonna let him go... yeah, right! She throws him off to a clear space on the floor, where he lies defeated.
Stan
No. Ahh! Someday, Shelly, I'm gonna be bigger than you, and you're gonna wish you'd never done any of this to me.
Shelly
You'll never be bigger than me Stan. Never!
Inside the South Park Genetic Engineering Ranch.
Mephesto is marveling at his creation.
Mephesto
Beautiful, it's absolutely beautiful. My son, I think we've finally done it.
A fetal version of Stan is seen in the incubator.
Terrance
Yes, we have dad. My very own human clone.
Bill
Hopefully not a gay clone.
Fosse
Yeah, that was stupid.
Bill
Stupid.
Fosse
That was stupid.
Out in the hills somewhere, Kyle is pumping a keg that the elephant is drinking from.
Kyle
Come on elephant, keep drinking.
Stan
Damn, I wonder how drunk he needs to be to make sweet love to the pig.
Fluffy is drinking from a trough labeled "Beer".
Kyle
Dammit! This is never gonna work.
Chef comes into view.
Chef
Hello children. I thought I'd check and see how our little entrepreneurial venture is going.
Kyle
Rotten, they're both really drunk, but the won't have sex.
Chef
Ohh, children, you just can't stick a drunk pig with a drunk elephant, and, and, expect them to do the mattress mambo. You need to set the mood.
He moves over to a boombox with a mic attached.
Chef
Let me show you boys what I'm talking about.

Tonight is a-right for love,
you know I -- want tuh touch you where the lights don't go.
Tonight is a-right for love, love gravy.
Expressing love so sweet.
I want tuh -- keep you burnin' like a dog in heat.
Tonight is a-right for love, love graaavaaay.

The elephant and pig approach each other. Fluffy smiles at the elephant, then turns around in order to receive him.
Chef
Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Elton John!
Enter Elton John. Intermingled shots of Fluffy and elephant getting interested.
Elton John

Oooo tonight
Oooo it's all right
Oooo tonight is right for love, love gravy.

The boys applaud
Chef
Thank you Elton.
slowing the tempo. Houses all over the hill show couples embracing.
Chef

Tonight is right for love, love graaavaaaaaay.

Elephant is about to mount Fluffy.
Kyle
Hey look! It's working.
Chef
Now children, gather around, and watch the wonders of life. The beauty of Mother Nature.
Squish. Squeals follow.
Kyle
Aah!
Stan
Sick!
Cartman
Fluffy!
Chef
Hmm, now I know how all those white women must have felt.
Squealing continues.
Inside the South Park Genetic Engineering Ranch. A big mutant version of Stan is in the incubator, with a very long left arm.
Mephesto
How luscious. Our creature has come to fruition, boys.
Terrance
Dad, you're the best.
Mephesto
Oh my God! He only has one ass. He's of no use to me, I'll have to burn the room.
Big Stan breaks out of the incubator.
Mephesto
Oh no, this entire experiment is turning out very bad.
Big Stan
Me bad??
Big Stan throws four-assed frog against wall, killing it.
Mephesto
Eeegads, he's out of control. We'll have to destroy him.
Terrance
But he's our science fair project!
Big Stan
Uhhh, me baad, aba-ba-chewy-chomp.
Mephesto
He's too dangerous son.
Terrance
But dad! I want a human clone.
Mephesto
Son, no.
Big Stan jumps through window, then tears down the ranch gate entrance.
Mephesto
Oh son, you've made a horrible mistake. You've put all the people of South Park in jeopardy.
Terrance
They're all stupid anyway. Come on guys, let's go.
Bill
Yeahh, they're all gay.
Back on the Hill. Shot of Fluffy and elephant sleeping together.
Kyle
Aren't they ever gonna wake up?
Chef
Oh, they will. It's gonna be one uuuugly sight.
Kyle
I thought you said the wonder of Mother Nature was a beautiful thing.
Stan
Yeah, when does Mother Nature go from beautiful to ugly?
Chef
Usually about 9:30 in the morning, children.
The elephant begins to wake up.
Chef
Uh oh, here we go.
Elephant looks down at Fluffy with surprise and bellows.
Chef
Yeahhh, there's nothing worse than getting all drunk and waking up the next morning next to a pig.
Fluffy looks up at elephant, begins crying.
Chef
Or a big fat elephant.
Kyle
Hey, how do we know if she's pregnant?
Chef
Well boys, we might not know that for a couple of days.
Kyle
Couple of days? But Terrance is going to have his human clone by tomorrow.
Cartman
Well, good job Einstein, why don't we just build a rocket in the meantime?
Kyle punches Cartman.
Cartman
Hey!
Mephesto approaches.
Mephesto
Oh thank Buddha I found you boys. You must tell me, have you seen anything odd lately?
Stan
Uh, we saw an elephant have sex with a pig.
Mephesto
No, no, I said odd.
Chef
Hey, you're that crazy cracker from up on the hill.
Mephesto
Sir, if making mutant animals spliced with humans is crazy... then... uhhhhh... hmmm... oh, nevermind. I'm afraid there's been a bit of an incident at the ranch. You see, I've created a large mutant clone of that little boy there, and he's broken free.
Kenny
(A big mutant Stan?!)
Stan
A big mutant version of me?
Kyle
Is he bigger than a regular clone?
Mephesto
He's terribly dangerous. His brain is identical to yours. I need you to help me find him.
Downtown South Park. Big Stan is wreaking havoc on the town. People are running in fear. Big Stan has a car in one hand, he's destroying it. A woman screams. Big Stan tosses car aside effortlessly.
Big Stan
Ah chewy-chewy-chomp.
Woman
Oh my Gooodd!
Mr. Garrison
Stan, are you wearing a different hat?
Big Stan
Uhhhyahhuhhh.
picks up Mr. Garrison and begins beating him against the ground
Mr. Garrison
Hey, I know a certain young man who's itching for a detention.
Big Stan throws Mr. Garrison aside.
Mr. Garrison
Aaaaaah!
Mr. Garrison flies through Jimbo's Guns window.
Mr. Garrison
Ooooh.
Boys in Downtown South Park.
Kyle
How big do you think he is?
Stan
I bet he weighs four hundred pounds.
Kyle
Come on Stan, don't you even know where you would go?
Kenny
(Look at that! What's he doin'?)
Stan
Oh my God!
Townsman
Aaaah!
Big Stan is running by with two people in his arms.
Newscaster on TV.
Tom
It appears that the horrible, destructive creature is actually eight-year old Stan Marsh of South Park. When asked why he was wreaking so much havoc on his home town, the little boy replies simply, "Me Stan, ba-chomp, ba-chewy-chomp, ba-chewy-chomp. Back to you in the studio.
TV Newscaster
Thanks Tom, police are requesting that if you see this little eight-year old boy you immediately kill him and burn his body. That's all for now.
TV Voice
Now back to Jesus and Pals.
Jesus
-- Yea, the way is paved with gold for ye who seek truth and-
Big Stan breaks through wall on set of show.
Big Stan
Ba-ba-chomp-betchaba-chewy-chewy-chomp-aaah.
Jesus
Jesus!
Big Stan
its-to-the-left-mayoueyea.
On the streets of South Park. Officer Barbrady is directing traffic.
Stan
Officer Barbrady, my evil genetic clone is destroying the town. We have to find him.
Officer Barbrady
You boys have been watching the "X-Files" too much, there's no such thing as genetic clone -
Big Stan
Ahhhh.
Big Stan grabs Officer Barbrady and throws him into nearby pond.
Officer Barbrady
Whoa! [From under the surface.] Listen, uh, you kids go on home, there's nothing to see here.
Kyle
Come on, let's go!
Stan's Uncle Jimbo approaches.
Jimbo
There you are! Stanley, you tore up my entire gun shop, you better have a good explanation for this mister!
Stan
It wasn't me Uncle Jimbo, it was my evil genetic clone.
Mr. Garrison walks up looking like hell.
Mr. Garrison
Stanley, what the hell has gotten in to you?! You have got severe lunchroom duty mister!
Jimbo
I'm gonna go have a word with your father Stanley.
Mr. Garrison
Yeah, you wait 'til your father hears about this.
Kyle
Wait, Stan, there he goes.
Stan
Stop!
Big Stan
Ahhh, ba-ba-chomp?
Kyle
He recognizes you dude.
Stan
That's good, that's good dude. Just calm down.
Big Stan is now seated in the road.
Big Stan
Ba-chomp, eh mee ahh jaran.
Kyle
What should we do with him?
Stan looks at Big Stan, then smiles mischievously.
Stan
Stan, how would you like to go home and meet your sister?
Big Stan
Ahhhh, yeahhh.
Outside Stan's house. The boys and Big Stan approach the front door. Sparky can be seen off to the side.
Stan
...So remember, Shelly's the one with the big wire coming out of her mouth and a metal plate on her back. When you see Shelly, kick her ass. Shelly bad, Shelly very bad.
Big Stan
Me bad??
Stan
No! Shelly bad, you good.
Big Stan proceeds to destroy the house.
Stan
He's tearing up the house, stop him!
Big Stan is hitting a chair against the ground. Kenny runs towards Big Stan, who uses the chair to chuck him into the microwave in the kitchen. The microwave starts up, cooking Kenny.
Stan
Come on Kyle, Cartman.
The boys run at Big Stan, and he knocks each one aside.
Big Stan
Ah.
Shelly
What the hell do you want?
Big Stan
Chewy-chewy-chomp.
Shelly head butts him onto the ground.
Big Stan
Ahhh. Uhhh.
Mephesto rushes in followed shortly by Terrance with Bill & Fosse.
Mephesto
Boys! Boys, I'm lusciously sorry for everything.
Terrance
Hey, they've got our clone. He belongs to us.
Mephesto
No son, this beast is a disgrace to genetic engineers everywhere. Boys, I'm sorry I've caused you such - inconvenience. I tried to play God, and I failed.
Mephesto shoots Big Stan through the head.
Terrance
Daddy! Nooooo!
Mephesto
All I ever wanted was to genetically engineer something useful, but I failed. Perhaps we shouldn't be toying with God's creations. Perhaps we should just leave nature alone, to its simple one assed schematics.
Terrance
You cheating bastards. This isn't over, just wait until tomorrow.
Kyle just now noticed something.
Kyle
Oh my God, they killed Kenny! You bastards!
Stan sees his parents drive up.
Stan
Mom and dad are home. My house is a disaster, you guy- you guys have got to help me.
Cartman
I ain't helpin' crap! I want to eat some paeh.
Stan
You can't just leave me here alone.
Cartman
Oh yeah, watch me. [Zips away.]
Kyle
Yeah Stan, we have to go find out if Cartman's pig is pregnant or not. See ya. [Leaves.]
Stan
Thanks a lot.
Shelly
Ohh boy, you are gonna get it now.
Jimbo and Mr. Garrison are shown outside, talking to Stan's parents.
Stan
It isn't fair! Everybody hates me! The whole town wants me killed! Mom and dad are gonna send me away! I don't want to be sent away! I want to stay here! Eehhhehehe!
Randy and Sharon enter.
Randy
Stanley, what, what in God's name have you been doing?
Sharon Marsh
Everybody in town is upset with you young man. What's going on? Are you on drugs?
Shelly
It's not Stan's fault.
Randy
Huh?
Shelly
It wasn't Stan, he was... it was with me the whole time.
Randy
Oh, well Stan, we're uh, we're sorry we jumped to conclusions.
Sharon
Oh honey, please forgive us son.
Stan
Shelly, you, you saved my life. And yet, you've done so much more than that. Today you've taught me the meaning of family. Sure, families don't always get along, but when the forces of evil descend upon us, we conquer them, by sticking together.
Shelly begins beating the crap out of Stan.
Stan
Uh, ahh, oooh.
rats drag away Kenny's charred corpse as Shelly takes a lawnmower to Stan's face.
Mr. Garrison's Class. The science projects are due.
Mr. Garrison
Everyone, let's give K. C. and his weed a big hand.
Only Clyde claps.
Mr. Garrison
Okay Kyle, we're ready to see your science project.
Kyle
Well, our pig hasn't given birth yet, but she should anytime now.
Mr. Garrison
Oh, well then I guess you get an 'F'. Okay, Terrance, I know the class can hardly wait to see your science fair project.
Terrance
Thank you Mr. Garrison. Boys, Mr. Garrison, fellow students, for our science fair project Bill, Fosse, and I have spawned a creature genetically far superior to man. I present to you, the five-assed monkey.
Shot of Monkey with five asses.
Monkey
Ahhheh.
Mr. Garrison
Oh, Mr. Hat, isn't it beautiful.
More students clap.
Stan
Wait, wait, the pig just gave birth. It, it had a baby!
Kid 1
It had a baby?
Kid 2
Oh wow!
Clyde
What's it look like?
Kyle
Does it look like a pig, or an elephant?
Cartman
Hey, it kind of looks like Mr. Garrison.
Mr. Garrison
Ohh, uh, gee, isn't that an amazing coincidence? Hmm, what are the odds of that?
Hat
Hmmm. You boys get first prize.
Cartman
That'll do pig.
End of An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig


  105: "An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig" edit
Story Elements

FluffyKyle's Pet ElephantChefElton John • "Love Gravy" • Bill AllenFosse McDonaldTerrance Mephesto

Media

ImagesScriptWatch Episode

Release

South Park: The Complete First Season

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