Towelie is working at a restaurant called P.F. Chang's. Unfortunately he is high and is too busy mixing sauce to care about anything else. The people he is "serving" complain to another waiter who fires Towelie for being clueless.
Walking down the street, he realizes he is jobless, and therefore, he has no way of making money and will end up unable to pay the rent. He ponders on whether he should get high or not, but this usually causes problems, but getting high makes him smarter. Opting to get high, he comes up with an idea.
At his home, he types up his autobiography, entitled A Million Little Fibers. At the publisher's, Towelie is turned down because it is an autobiography of a towel. To Towelie's disappointment, people don't want to read towel's autobiographies. Returning home he decides to make some alterations. He crosses out all the uses of the word "towel" and replaces them with "person".
Towelie's appearance on the show makes the book a bestseller. But Mingey and Gary decide to phone up Geraldo Rivera and explain that Oprah has given the "Book of the Month" award to a towel so she will be disliked and will lose her job meaning Mingey and Gary will get much more attention.
When Geraldo manages to reveal all by phoning in on Larry King Live, Oprah does not see what the big deal is because people were inspired by the book for how it was written, not by whether it is a lie or the truth. But mobs congregate to protest wildly; Oprah invites Towelie back on the show, saying that he can explain that he wanted to make the book more relevant and easily understandable. However, instead she erupts in anger and calls on the audience to lynch Towelie. As she brought the audience onto her side, Mingey and Gary's plan is foiled. Towelie is cornered at the First National Bank of Chicago.
Just as Oprah and the crowd prepare to lynch Towelie, Mingey, fearing that their plans are never going to succeed, tears through Oprah's pants with a revolver, much to Oprah's shock and confusion. Taking hostages, he guns down a police officer and begins making demands in preparation for an escape to France. Gary tries to plead with Mingey to stop, put down the gun and give himself up, arguing that "they'll probably go easy on us." Mingey, however replies "Don't be stupid Gary, I killed a policeman! They'll fry me, and they'll lock you up for life!". Towelie struggles to think of an idea to deliver himself and his fellow hostages to safety, resisting the temptation to get high. He realizes that any stoned idea will only "get him into trouble".
Towelie manages to squeeze through the gap in the door of the building and opens it, ushering everyone inside. A policeman shoots Gary. In his dying breath he asks Mingey if they ever made it to Paris and Mingey lies telling him they are then Mingey shoots himself. The hostages thank Towelie and apologize for trying to kill him. Towelie later realizes that getting high should be a reward, and not to be used for ideas.