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Cast

  • Stan Marsh
  • Kyle Broflovski
  • Eric Cartman
  • Clyde Frog
  • Peter Panda
  • Polly Prissypants
  • Rumpertumskin
  • Muscleman Marc
  • Butters Stotch
  • Kenny McCormick
  • Clyde Donovan
  • Craig Tucker
  • Jimmy Valmer
  • Token Black
  • Wendy Testaburger
  • Principal Victoria
  • Bob Black
  • Linda Black
  • Liane Cartman
  • School Assembly
  • Stephen Tamil and two other Fifth Graders
  • PE Coach
  • Board Rep and Receptionist
  • Field Reporters (3 male, 2 female)
  • Sgt. Yates and Two Officers
  • Two Firemen
  • Michael Moore
  • Red Robin Patron

Script

1%
South Park Elementary, day. The school has been assembled in the auditorium. Principal Victoria, Mr. Adler, and Mr. Mackey are on stage with a representative from SPUSD, or something. The image the rep stands in front of is the presidential seal, with the words "PRESIDENT'S COUNCIL ON FITNESS, SPORTS & NUTRITION" written on it
Board Rep
Last week the students of this school participated in the Presidential Fitness Test. I'm sad to announce that South Park Elementary scored the lowest in health and fitness in the entire country. [Stan and Kyle look at each other] On the whole, you students actually scored fine. But the President's Fitness Test is scored on a school-wide average, and one fourth grader at this school scored so low, with a terrifying body fat score, [Cartman knows the man is talking about him], and high blood pressure and the cholesterol levels of a seventy-year-old man, that it actually brought you entire school's average down to the lowest in the country. [Cartman yawns] However, the Presidential Fitness Program never wants to single out one child, because then that child might feel bad. And so as far as we're concerned, you're all a bunch of fat fuckin' pigs.
Principal Victoria
Ah, could you please use a little different terminology?
Board Rep
Sorry. As far as the board is concerned, you're all a bunch of fat fuckin' pigs. And so it is the recommendation of this board that every week, each class will alternate turns, giving up their recesses and instead reporting to PE.
Assembly
AWWW!
The school gym, day. Mr. Garrison's class is in PE
Coach
Alright, fourth grade class, you're up first. We're gonna do some rope-climbin'.
Stan
God this sucks!
Kyle
Four weeks we gotta do this?
Cartman
Well let's just suck it up, guys. All we can try to do is have a positive attitude about it. [Stan, Kyle, and some other kids are not amused]
Coach
Alright McCormick, let's start with you. Climb the rope. [Kenny approaches the rope, jumps up, and starts climbing]
Cartman
Heheh! Look at Kenny. He's so poor, huh you guys? His family's so poor they couldn't pay the three ninety nine for the gym outfit. [Kenny climbs down and Kyle approaches]
Coach
Alright, let's go Broflovski. [Kyle jumps on and starts climbing]
Cartman
Heheheheheh! Look you guys, a Jew on a rope. You know what they call a Jew on a rope?
Stan
Alright Cartman, stop ripping on other people to make yourself less embarrassed about the fact that we're all here because of you!
Cartman
Hey whoa, we are here because the average score was low. That's about all of us.
Stan
Because of you! It's your fault that we have to do this! We have to do this because you're unhealthy!
Craig
Yeah. We're paying for your being fat.
Cartman
Wow, Craig. I can't believe you just went there. Here we were having a perfectly nice conversation about Kenny being poor and Kyle being a Jew, and you just decided to go 9/11 and bust out the fat quip.
Wendy
We ARE here because of you, Eric, so just keep your mouth shut!
Cartman
Oh my God! Why doesn't everyone just back off?! I know how this works: You're the 99% ganging up on the 1%!
Clyde
Oh grow up.
Cartman
Jesus Christ!! The 99% is totally ganging up on me!
Stan
That's what we mean by "grow up" dude! Stop being a baby!
Craig
Yeah, why don't you go home and cry to your stuffed animals again?! [Cartman gasps]
Cartman's room, afternoon. Cartman is crying to his stuffed animals again. Or at least to his plushies
Cartman
Ngh, and then, and then Wendy said that they were the 99% and I was the 1% and that made me not keeeewl.
Clyde Frog
But Eric, you are cool.
Cartman
I know, Clyde Frog, but now the 99% is saying everything is my faaault.
Peter Panda
It's not your fault, Eric. How can they blame you for what is clearly President Obama's fault?
Cartman
What do you mean, Peter Panda?
Peter Panda
You didn't make that stupid Presidential Fitness Test. Obama did.
Polly Prissypants
Yeah, that's right Eric. You don't need to grow up. You are awesome and keeewl.
Cartman
Thanks Polly Prissypants. I'm just so scared that all the kids at school are gonna be talkin' about me behind my back.
South Park Elementary, day. Lunchtime has arrived and all the kids are in the cafeteria.
Butters
Ehe, and so then, Skeletor told Terminator he wanted a divorce, and apparently it's all gonna be finalized soon.
Stan
Dude, Butters, how many times do we have to go over this? That's not Skeletor, that's a woman named Maria Shriver.
Butters
Uh but, then, why does his face look like that? [the doors burst open and Cartman steps in and looks around. No one says a word]
Cartman
What? What?! WHAT?! What are you guys talking about? What are you guys doin'—What are you talking about? I knew it! You guys are having a big 99% rally, aren't you?! Occupying the cafeteria?! You wanna know why you guys are all here protesting?! Because you're pissed off, but you actually think it's wrong to be pissed off at a black president, so you're all just pissed off at ME! Well go ahead! Have your little rally to figure out how to stick it to the 1%! See what it gets you! [slams a door, but it doesn't close. Cartman walks out]
Butters
Hey, you know? Eric is right. Maybe we should form a 99% club.
Jimmy
Yeah. It's not a bad idea. If all the students unite, we can work together to fight the f-f-fit.
Fifth Grader
Yeah. The fifth graders agree. We're all being punished for one lazy bitch. Let's make him suffer.
Jimmy
All we need is some good old-fashioned di... di... di... diplomacy.
President's Council on Fitness, Sports & Nutrition, Colorado Division Reigional Office, day. Jimmy and Butters are seated at a desk facing the board rep, who's also seated
Jimmy
Hello sir, we are here on behalf of all fourth graders at South Park Elementary.
Board Rep
Aahh yes, the Fatty Boombalatty class. How's the extra PE treating you?
Butters
Sir, we believe your fitness system is flawed, and that for 99% of us, it is unfair.
Board Rep
What do you want me to do about it?
Jimmy
Well, sir, we believe that the 1% should be dropped from the fitness results, so that our scores can be more accurate.
Board Rep
[rises from his chair and approaches a chart] 'Fraid that's impossible. The National Fitness Test has very specific standards. No one child can ever be made to feel singled out. We don't even like to use the term "physically fit" anymore because it can make a student feel unphysically fit, and then that student might end up feeling like a total retard.
Jimmy
...Excuse me, can you use a different terminology please?
Board Rep
A-and then that fourth grader might end up feeling like a total retard.
Butters
Sir, all of the students already know who the 1% is.
Jimmy
All you're doing is making the other 99% more angry. I warn you: this could turn very ugly.
Cartman's bedroom, day. He walks into his room, which is quite trashed. He looks around in horror, then goes back downstairs, where he spots his mom paying some bills at the table
Cartman
Mom, have you been here all day?!
Liane
No, sweetie, I've been at the hair salon. Why?
Cartman
Somebody's been in my room! [she looks up at him as he goes back to his room. He looks under his things to see if anything is missing. His mom appears at the door] Fucking 99%ers! What did they take?!
Liane
Are you sure, sweetie?
Cartman
Am I sure?? Look at this place!
Liane
But who would want to s-
Cartman
[turns around and glares at her] Don't you get it Mom?! People voted for Obama, so now that everything sucks they have to blame me! [goes back to searching his stuff and finds a watch] They didn't take my Stormtrooper watch... [finds a video game] My Arkham City game is still here... what else could they have- [looks at a corner of his room. A chair set apart for Clyde Frog is empty, but his other four dolls are arranged and seated in from of it.] Oh my God. [panicking] Clyde Frog!
Liane
What?
Cartman
No. [goes to the corner and tosses his dolls aside, then looks up in despair] NOOO! [runs to his closet and looks in there. He doesn't find Clyde Frog in there] CLYDE FROG!! [stops to tell him mom] They took Clyde Frog! [runs out of his room. Liane is confused]
Cartman's house, outside in the back yard. Cartman runs out and looks around
Cartman
[calling out and walking around] Clyde Frog! Clyde!? Clyde Frog?! [stops and notices something on a tree. It is Clyde Frog, nailed to a tree through his front paws and forehead. It's ripped all over and cotton pops out of the rips. Under the frog is the word "VENGEANCE" scratched onto the tree bark in red spray paint] Clyde. CLYDE FROG! [throws up]
Cartman's house, outside in the back yard. Cartman is holding a lavish funeral for Clyde Frog
Cartman
I've known Clyde Frog since I was two years old. He was a fighter, a visionary. But most of all, Clyde Frog was the perfect friend. He never said anything. He never had his own ideas about what he wanted to do. He just sat there goin' along with whatever I wanted. A noble trait that seems lost on you 99%ers. [Stan and Kyle are falling asleep. Kyle rests his head on his left hand] And now we live in a world where one of you has decided to become a murderer. Well whoever you are, I'm sure you're sitting there right now, in your little green hat, with your left cheek resting against your hand thinking, "I'm not getting away with this, am I?" Because whoever you are, maybe you still have one little piece of humanity left, covered up and tainted black by years of Jewish propaganda and left-wing lies. Maybe you should just-
Kyle
Shut the hell up, Cartman!
Cartman
Got something to say Kyle?! [grips the sides of the podium]
Kyle
How do you murder a stuffed animal?!
Cartman
How do you murder a stuffed animal?! You tell us, Kyle! [stops himself] Butbut but but, but uh but let's not get ahead of ourselves. There's still a biiig investigation to come. And until we prove beyond a reasonable doubt who the killer was, you are all just as guilty as Kyle. Thank you so much. Bagpipes please. [a bagpipe player begins a tune. Two men lower the casket into the ground]
Cartman
Fly, fly little dove, to the welcome arms of Christ above. Your tears are finally gone to-
Craig
Where's our five dollars?
Cartman
Fly bu-what?
Craig
It said in the e-mail if we came we each got five dollars.
Stan
Yeah.
Cartman
[thinks a moment] Five dollars has been donated in each of your names to the Clyde Frog Foundation. Fly fly fly...
Class
AWWW! [all the kids get up and leave]
Kid 1
Come on!
Kid 2
Screw this.
Kid 4
Hurry up, screw this.
Cartman
Oh fine, go on and leave! I'm gonna find out who did this to Clyde, and I'm gonna have your fuckin' balls! Fly to Christ.
President's Council on Fitness, Sports & Nutrition, Colorado Division Reigional Office, day. The board rep looks over some reports while leaning against his desk. A receptionist walks up to him
Receptionist
Sir? Sir, do you remember the kids from that South Park Elementary School?
Board Rep
Oh yes, the Boom Boom Chubby Choom Choom school.
Receptionist
They're all protesting outside, saying our system isn't fair to the 99% of them.
Board Rep
[runs to the front door followed by the receptionist] Oh my Jesus! Oh, not a 99% rally.
Outside, on a small strip of grass in a parking lot. Butters and Jimmy hold up some protest signs
Butters
I sure hope this works.
Field Reporter 1
[out of nowhere] Tom, I'm reporting from the middle of a protest where two fourth grade students are fed up, and have decided to occupy Red Robin. Occupy Red Robin has been going on for several hours now, and boys, technically I am part of the 99% so, what do I have to say about all this? [no comment from either of the boys]
Cartman's house, dining room. The lights are low. Cartman and his plushies are seated around the table, and Cartman serves himself some tea.
Cartman
Thank you all so much for coming. I realize that Clyde Frog's death is as shocking to all of you as it is to me.
Peter Panda
Why would somebody do such a terrible thing?
Polly Prissypants
Why would somebody hurt Clyde Frog, Eric? Especially because you are so awesome and keewl.
Cartman
I know that I'm awesome and keewl, Polly Prissypants, but it has little relevance at the moment to Clyde Frog's murder!
Rumpertumskin
Let's stop the charades, Eric, and let's get down to business.
Cartman
What do you mean, Rumpertumskin?
Rumpertumskin
We all know who fuckin' killed Clyde Frog, and she's the same dirty slut who's been fucking with us our whole lives!
Liane
Eric, sweetie, is everything okay?
Polly Prissypants
Does everything look okay?
Peter Panda
Sit down, you fucking bitch.
Cartman
Yes, sit down, mother. We are all having a tea party.
Liane
[takes a seat at the other end of the table] Uh sweetie, I see that you're a little... disturbed right now, but, maybe you can-
Polly Prissypants
Shut your fat piehole, bitch!
Rumpertumskin
Yeah! You know what you did, skank! You let Clyde Frog get murdered!
Liane
No, Rumpertumskin, I didn't. I swear.
Muscleman Marc
Then why did you write in your diary "It was probably time for Eric to grow out of his stuffed animals" anyway?!
Cartman
That's an excellent point, Muscleman Marc. Please continue.
Muscleman Marc
Well, all I'm saying, Eric, is that-
Liane
Sweetie, you really can just talk to me if you-
Muscleman Marc
ALL I'M SAYING, ERIC, is that you went through your mom's diary for a reason!
Liane
Eric, I promise you, I didn't do anything to your favorite toy. Whoever did this to you, I hate them as much as you do, and I'd do anything to get to the bottom of it.
Cartman
So then, we are all going to need some... more tea.
Occupy Red Robin, day. Butters and Jimmy are now joined by a bongo drummer and a dancing man wearing a Guy Fawkes mask. They are surrounded by South Park's emergency services and the media, and one Java Jim's truck.
Sgt. Yates
[on the phone calling for backup] You'd better give me every cop you've got on the South Side! I don't care where ABC parks their truck, as long as it doesn't block the fire trucks! [hangs up and walks to the command center nearby] Jesus, this protest is getting out of hand! Alright, what exactly are we dealing with?
Officer 1
It's no good. The protest has quadrupled in size since this morning. As you can see from this aerial photograph, the protest covers almost two square miles. We have right officers here, here, and here. The media has been contained in this area. [next to Red Robin]
Sgt. Yates
And where are the actual protesters?
Officer 1
Oh, these two people right here. [circles the spot on which Butters and Jimmy stand]
Sgt. Yates
How are we gonna contain this ting?!
Officer 2
I'm afraid it's about to get worse. You see this area here? This is where we're setting up the stage for Bon Jovi.
Sgt. Yates
Bon Jovi?
Officer 2
These are good cops! We can't have them standing around for hours without some entertainment! The problem is, with this area blocked by napping tents, we have no place to serve the officers beer.
Sgt. Yates
Damnit! Don't these protesters know what this is all heading towards? [steps forward] Full-on class warfare.
Cartman's room, night. He's sound asleep, snoring even, when his room begins to glow. Flames appear. Cartman begins to wake up from the heat and sits up. He sees the flames
Cartman
What the hell?! [the flames set his curtains on fire. He sees them next to his bed and stands up on the bed] Mom? Mom, my room is... [turns around and sees Peter Panda and his dresser on fire] AAAH!! PETER PANDA!!
Cartman's house, after the fire. Police and fire have come to his rescue, and a fireman comes down the ladder with the charred remains of Peter Panda
Fireman 1
The fire started with this. Definitely a case of arson. Somebody hates this kid.
Cartman
[runs up] Don't you touch him! Leave him alone! [swats the doll out of the fireman's hands] Peter Panda!
Peter Panda
Eh, Eric.
Cartman
Don't try to talk, Peter Panda! You're gonna be okay!
Peter Panda
Eric... Remember... [sobbing] Stay... keeewl. [Eric begins bawling. The fireman picks the doll back up]
Fireman 2
Sorry kid, we need to take this as evidence.
Cartman
[on all fours] Noohoho! Peter Panda nooo!
Red Robin, inside. A female field reporter comments
Female Reporter
The 99%ers movement continues to grow as more and more Americans occupy Red Robin. I asked some of the people exactly what they hoped to accomplish. [earlier] And sir, what do you hope to accomplish by this movement?
Patron
I like the uh, A1 Peppercorn Burger. And they got ummm, bo-bottomless fries.
Female Reporter
And as the protesters inside Red Robin unite together, word is that filmmaker Michael Moore has joined the protesters outside.
Outside
Michael Moore
[through his bull horn] I look at the faces of you protesters and I see the future of America! We are the 99%! YESSS!!
A house in the neighborhood. Stan, Kyle, and Kenny approach the front door. Their bikes are scattered all over the lawn. Kyle knocks on the door and a fifth grader answers it
Kyle
Hey dude, ah are you the guys messing with Cartman's stuffed animals?
Fifth Grader
Maybe we are and maybe we aren't. You got any proof?
Stan
Well, just... you and your friends were the ones saying Cartman needs to suffer?
Fifth Grader
That doesn't prove anything. That fat little fuck is finally getting what's coming to him.
Kyle
Yeah, but dude, he seriously could have died in that fire.
Fifth Grader
He's in your class but you don't deal with him! So we are gonna remedy the situation! We've got big plans! Just stay out of our way and let the men handle this! [closes the door. Stan, Kyle, and Kenny turn around to leave.]
The Black residence, night. Liane and Cartman are staying there while their own house is repaired. Liane is at table with Token's parents] drinking coffe
Liane
Thank you so much for allowing Eric and I to stay here.
Bob
Of course. You can't be staying in a home with that much fire damage.
Linda
To be honest, we're just a little surprised your son begged you to stay with us. We never knew your son and our son were so close.
Liane
I asked little Eric where he would feel safest, and he said with his friend Token.
Token's room. Token has a sports-car bed. Cartman is being paranoid
Cartman
This window locks from the inside, right? And this door has a lock on it too? Don't worry Polly Prissypants, you're gonna be safe here. In this day and age, black people are just impervious to being fucked with, so we will be alright.
Token
Why are you involving me in this?
Cartman
Token, please. You're the only person I can trust. Because in today's time, black people are somehow incapable of doing something wrong.
Occupy Red Robin, next day. Butters is gone for the moment, so only Jimmy stands there with his protest sign. Everyone else is still where they were
Field Reporter 2
Breaking news from the Occupy Red Robin movement. The protesters have decreased in number from two to one, as one of the protesters has apparently splintered off from the group to start a new movement: Occupy the Restroom.
The restroom area. The first reporter is close to the mens' room
Field Reporter 1
Tom, Occupy the Restroom has been going on for almost thirty minutes now. Certainly a sign that this country is more divided than ever. These 99%ers are fed up, [backs up to the restroom door] and as a result you can clearly see this restroom is "OCCUPIED." [points to a little window that now reads "OCCUPIED." A second later, a toilet is flushed inside. The door opens and Butters exits zipping his pants up.] Uh, Tom, it looks like the movement is finished, but from the time it took, it must have been a pretty decent-sized movement.
Occupy Red Robin. Butters returns and takes up his sign
The Black residence, night. Cartman has made himself at home in Token's room with his dolls, chips, and Token's remote control. Token is not pleased and has crossed his arms
Token
[getting irritated] Will you stop changing channels and just pick something?
Cartman
What do you wanna watch, Polly Prissypants?
Token
This is my room! I'll take the remote from you!
Cartman
Muh uh, 'cause I'll tell my mom on you when our parents get home.
Token
You're a guest here! Your mom isn't in charge!
Cartman
Naw uh, 'cause my house got burned down, so everyone has to feel bad for me. [the alarm sounds. Cartman puts his chips aside and gathers his toys close] What is that? WHAT IS THAT?!
Token
That's the alarm; someone's in the back yard.
Cartman
What?! Who?!
Token
I don't know.
Cartman
I thought I was safe here! Stay there guys, I'll be right back! [Token looks out his window, Cartman leaves the bedroom]
The Black residence, back yard, night. Cartman runs outside with the bat
Cartman
Who's there?! [notices Token coming out behind him] Lock that door behind you, Token. [then shouts at whomever might be there] Black people live here! [some flood lights come on]
Token
A motion detector. [Kyle's shadow runs by and Cartman notices it. He gives chase and tackles Kyle]
Cartman
Aha! I knew it was you, Kyle!
Kyle
It's not me! I'm here to help you, fatass!
Cartman
Oh sure!
Stan
[walking out from behind a garage] Stop it, Cartman! It's true! We came to keep an eye out. Stephen Tamil said he had something big planned.
Cartman
Stephen Tamil? The fifth grader? [looks around] Oh shit! [drops the bat and runs back inside] I told you to lock that door, Token! [runs up to Token's room and searches for his stuffed toys] No. [sees the other four boys come in] Nononono! [grabs Kenny by the throat and shakes him] Where are they Kenny??!!
Kenny
[slaps Cartman's hand off] (I don't really know!)
Cartman
HAAAAGH! [runs out and closes the door, then locks it and runs off]
Stan
Hey! Cartman, what the hell are you doing?!
Cartman
[returns] I don't trust any of you assholes! [to his dolls] Where are you sons of bitches?! [leaves]
The fifth grader's house. Three fifth graders stand on the front lawn
Stephen Tamil
Alright guys. You ready?
Classmates
Ready!
Stephen Tamil
Here we GO! [he and one of his friends raise their signs, and the three of them march forth]
Occupy Red Robin, night. The fifth graders walk up to Butters and Jimmy and stand alongside them
Butters
Hey, what are you fifth graders doing?
Stephen Tamil
We are the 83%! We are tired of being punished for the fourth grade class! The fourth grade is stickin' it to the other 83% of the school!
Jimmy
Now hold on a second, fellas. If you're the 83%, then our class is only 17%.
Butters
Yeah, how can the 17% be sticking it to the 83%?
Stephen Tamil
Because your class had Cartman in it, and he's the 1%!
Jimmy
But if he's 1% of 17%, then he's .17%.
Channel 8 News
Field Reporter 3
This is it. The inevitable has happened at Occupy Red Robin. It is full-on class warfare.
Female Reporter 2
And now class warfare is breaking out. Apparently it is the fourth grade class versus the fifth grade class.
The command center nearby. Yates and the other men are roused by the commotion
Sgt. Yates
It's here! The class warfare is finally here!
Officer 2
Yeeah!
The Black residence, night. Cartman walks into the darkened kitchen
Cartman
Hello?? [lightning crackles outside and floods the kitchen in light for a moment] Whoever you are, just give them back! Haven't you done enough to me?! [sees a boiling crock pot, walks up to it and removes the lid. Inside he see the third...]
Cartman
Muscleman Marc! AAAAAAAA!! AAAAAAAA!! [more lightning crackles as he runs out of the kitchen.]
The Black living room. Cartman walks into it, still looking for the two remaining dolls
Cartman
Polly Prissypants! Rumpertumskin! [walks towards the fireplace] Jesus Christ! [over the fireplace he sees Rumpertumskin drawn up by four chains and a bomb wrapped around his neck]
Rumpertumskin
Eric! Don't come any closer!
Cartman
Who did this to you?!
Rumpertumskin
You said you wouldn't let anything happen to us.
Cartman
Don't worry, I'll get you down!
Rumpertumskin
No Eric, don't come any- [Cartman trips a wire that sets off the bomb, decapitating Rumpertumskin]
Cartman
AAAAHAA! AAHAAAA! Rumpertumskin!! RUMPER [begins to cry] Rumpertumskin... WHY? Why did you do this??
Polly Prissypants
It's okay, Eric. It's over now. [you can see Cartman actually doing her voice. He expresses shock, then turns around. Polly Prissypants is seated on an armchair with a loaded gun resting against her]
Cartman
Polly... Polly Prissypants... You did this?
Polly Prissypants
Don't you see? The kids at school were right, Eric. It was time for us to grow up.
Cartman
...You got rid of Clyde Frog... You burned Peter Panda! [Token, Kyle, Stan, and Kenny look down from the second floor]
Polly Prissypants
Yes, they're gone. And now we can grow up and be together.
Cartman
They were your FRIENDS!
Polly Prissypants
They were holding us back! All the kids making fun of you at school, saying you're not keewl! Your stuffed animals all have to be gotten rid of, don't you see?!
At the front door. The Blacks and Liane have returned, but Mr. Black can't open the door
Bob
Dead-bolted. Token! [knocks twice, then heads for the window] Token, you in there?! [the three adults look in]
Back in the living room...
Cartman
Polly Prissypants, when people find out we did all this, we're gonna get in total trouble!
Polly Prissypants
No, I thought of everything! It all happened here so that everyone would think Token did it. All the blame will be on him. And we can live happily ever after.
Cartman
There's one problem. [walks up to the doll, takes the gun and walks back to where he was] You say I have to grow up, to get rid of all my dolls. You forget one crucial thing, Polly Prissypants. That nobody would possibly blame Token for all this because in today's day and age you can't blame a black person for anything.
Polly Prissypants
Oh no! You're totally right! But I thought my plan was perfect! I failed! I failed you! You have to kill me Eric! So that you don't get blamed!
Cartman
Noho! I've lost every stuffed animal; I won't lose you too!
Polly Prissypants
It's the only way Eric. You have to do it. Please! I can't live with myself after what I've done. Please, you have to do it Eric.
Cartman
[sobs for almost a minute, then aims the gun] Goodbye, Polly Prissypants. I love you.
Polly Prissypants
Say "hello" to the sunrise for me. [Cartman cries and looks away as he starts firing at her. First shot is straight through the forehead. He fires twice more as the four boys watch from the second floor, and three more as the Blacks and Ms. Cartman watch from outside. Polly Prissypants has four shots through the head and two more that took out chunks of her cheeks. Cartman cries, having lost the last of his stuffed dolls]
Stan
Dude, what the hell?
Kyle
We told him to grow up. So he got rid of his stuffed animals.
Outside...
Liane
[apologetic] My little Eric can sometimes be a bit... dramatic. [laughs weakly]
The Red Robin parking lot, day. A worker sweeps up all the debris from the Occupy Red Robin movement
Field Reporter 3
Occupy Red Robin is over. Class warfare has torn apart the 99% and replaced it with the 30%, the 26%, and even little brackets of 5%s here and there. What does this mean for our country? What oes this mean... for me?
Officer 2
Hey! Get down to State Street! They're occupying Macaroni Grill!
Field Reporter 3
Oh hell yeah! I'll occupy me some goat-cheese peppadew peppers! [runs off]
End of 1%
  1512: "1%" edit
Story Elements

Multiple Personality DisorderPresident's Council on Fitness, Sports & NutritionRumpertumskinClyde FrogPolly PrissypantsMuscleman MarcMichael MoorePeter PandaRed Robin

Media

ImagesScriptWatch Episode

Release

South Park: The Complete Fifteenth Season